Social skills of a 3yr old- is this 'normal'?

[tigermeow]

DD (3y3m) has always been a quite shy. At home she is very very verbal (at 2y10m she was assessed as having the speech of a 6.5yr old) but when out in public she refuses to speak to anyone. If she is talking with DH and I when out and about she uses one word sentences or speaks so quietly we cant hear her. At home she is LOUD and seems to breath through her ears! She was refered to the Speech Therapist for some phonological delay...she came back within the normal range.

At nursery, she goes 3 mornings a week and has done for 6 months, she will not speak with her teachers except in 1 or 2 word sentences. We took the Speech Therapy report to school to show she can speak...they didn't think she could . If her friends say 'hi' to her she just looks at the ground. If other parents speak to her then she again looks at the ground. There are only 8 kids in her class (we chose the nursery because of small classes...too many kids overwhelm her). She chats the whole way to and from nursery about her friends and how much she loves school, yet as soon as we get there she goes in on herself and refuses to speak. If she is asked a question by anyone she just looks at the ground. She is quite bright so even if she asked for a word beginning with 't' she will not answer even though she knows many answers. The class has a 'special helper' and the other day it was her turn. She was so excited about this going to school, yet when she got there there was no emotion from her at all, she just stood there silent. At playdates she is beginning to open up, but very slowly.

We sent her to nursery to get a bit of social exposure and confidence. I am very gentle with her and don't rush her, but I now feel something isn't right. Any tips?

Is this normal 3yr old behaviour? Am I worrying over nothing or should I be concerned. Many many thanks.

I have made an appointment to speak with the HV. I've asked for an initial meeting without DD as I really don't like talking about her in front of her. I would like to go through my social concerns and then have her meet DD. We have a new HV who hasn't ever met her which I'm not sure is the best thing!

As for the 'G' word...who knows, she is only 3. I think it is safe to say that she is very bright, very self motivated and a quick learner. Whether her 'skills' are a factor in her extreme shyness, who knows.

Thank you all.

Selected mutism? Has nboody mentioned this?

selective rather

MrsMattie- yes, SM has been mentioned, it is something I'm currently reading about. The more I read, the more it fits her...but then again, the internet is a dreadful place for labelling and diagnosing ones child! I will see if the HV mentions it.

My daughter has SM and nursery was a big big problem and it was brought to out attention by one of the nursery helpers who had come across it at college! Hannah is nearly nine and some progress has been made now. To sum it all up she is selective who she talks to all the common signs of looking to the floor when she is spoken to and uncomfortable with answering. Nursery leader would not agree this was SM not that she ever heard of it, but staring school Hannahs new Headmistress had joy oh joy. She embraced Hannah all the teachers are aware and treat her just the same all the children in the class she is comfortable with and little friend she will talk to now. Strangers she still will not speak to and some of our close friends even though she has known them year. She is just selective i see no problem with it and we have never bribed her in any way to talk to anyone. Hannah will nod or shake her head or point if she does not want to answer. Did you ever see the channel 4 documentry on the little girl, i emailed the mum as it was a mirror image of Hannah no reply. Hannah is outgoing and a little rascal at home. Things are progressing she will sing in a group but not a solo part. She is just selective who she talks to and for now its fine... bit worrying for high school but will cross that bridge when we get there.