Getting rid of dummy at 10 months - advise please!

[Sycamoretree]

Our DS is 10 months old, and has become very, I would say utterly, dependent on his dummy to fall asleep, and to get back to sleep if he wakes in the night. Our DD, almost 3 years never really had one. We thought we were so clever! But I realise now that she was just very good at putting herself to sleep and wasn't interested. DS is adorable, but just more fractious, sensitive, and generally needs more physical reassurance, even though he is a thoroughly bouncy, energetic and giggly 10 month old for most of the time. But he now goes to grab his dummy ALL the time - even when he's not upset, he'll just grab it and shove it in, and so DH and I have decided now is the time to try and get rid of it and help him learn the skills to put himself to sleep. Tonight, it has taken almost 50 minutes. He cried himself until he was wracked with sobs and practically hyperventilating (I went in every 10 mins to reassure him). Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and picked him up for a long cuddle. After a minute or two, I put him back down, and even though he started crying immediately again, once I left his room, he stopped dead after 10 seconds and went straight to sleep.
Does anyone have any advice as to how to do this as kindly as possible? Presumably the key is not to deviate from this path if we're determined to go down it, but any words of support from those that have been there would be greatly appreciated. We need to think about putting him the same room as DD in the next 6 months, so this is all part of trying to smooth that process.

Why take something away from him that he clearly finds comforting? Our ds1 is nearly 4 and still has his dummies to go to sleep with and only to go to sleep with. We see no problem with it, neither does his dentist, HV, GP or a paediatrician friend

Having said that I would start by gently weaning him off it in the day so it doesn't affect his speech development. We started this at about 6 months when he was able to pick toys up and chew them. If getting up in the night to pop it back in is an issue for you perhaps you could try putting it on a dummy clip attached to his pjs or popping 2 or 3 dummies around the cot so theres always one to hand.

I know people have very different views on dummy use. My view is, some babies need that additional oral comfort so why deny them?

Same as Pheebe. Why deny him something that gives him comfort?
I wasn't too bothered about mine having a dummy during the day either.
We usually had quite a few so that there was no rummaging around at night looking for the lost dummy. They do learn how to find their own dummy in the cot (or the one on the side).

is there a specific reason that you havent mentioned on your original post for wanting to get rid of the dummy?

sucking is a very comforting thing and your ds seems to soothe himself with the dummy. i used dummies until i was 5 to go to sleep and so did my dh. and that has never been held against us .

i would let him use it until he is ready to get rid of it as his own choice.

You have all asked a good question. I don't really know why I think I need to get rid of it - I suppose in the day time because I know it can affect speech development, and DD was very quick to talk - first proper word at 9 months, and I have just made an assumption in my own mind that if I'm getting rid of the dummy in the day, I should try and get rid at night too. I can hear some voice, goodness knows who, in my head telling me my DS ought to be able to settle himself to sleep. He always loses his dummy down the back of his cot and night - and never mind how many spares we have, I'm always trudging downstairs to the kitchen, bleary eyed, to try and find another, and it means I/DH get up at every little peep from him, whereas with DD, if she cried out or muttered in the night, I'd leave it a minute or two and she'd just go back to sleep - bliss. DS just won't - if I let it get started, it just cranks up to full scale wailing - I somehow am just thinking this can't be right! He just woke - I went up -cuddled him and put him back. He went quiet for a bit and then started crying again. THen I read your responses - had a total crisis of confidence and went upstairs to give him his dummy, but by the time I got up there, he'd fallen asleep again. I've got the day off work tomorrow (DH is a stay at home dad) so maybe together we can try cracking the day time dummy, which I think will actually be harder than the night.

My ds2 had a dummy, even though I detest them. He wanted to suck all the time and I gave in and tried a dummy when he was 6 months and I was utterly knackered. It was a sanity saver and became his great friend! I NEVER let him have it anywhere but in bed or in te car though, far to much of a snob for that!

I wouldn't recommend taking it away from your ds now as he's too young. Much kinder to do it when you can cajole/bribe him into it.

I would put several spares in his cot and have a couple next to you too, to save you from going downstairs.

Thank you all for your wise words. I think I will forge ahead with keeping it away from him during the day, but let him have it at night until such point as he gives it up, or I can tell him the fairies swapped it for some lego. Poor little fella - all he wants is his bit of silicone and plastic - it's not much to ask I suppose.

{{{sycamore and baby sycamore}}}

here's how we weaned ds1 off it in the day - lots of distraction and chewy toys and offer it for nap times. We started by just popping it out and going for as long as he was happy but offering it back if he became fractious. Gradually the length of time without it got longer.

I'm going to get ds off his dummy this week. Only because it's a pewrfect time, he is teething and has a terrible cold and blocked nose so is having trouble breathing through it. He only really has his dums to go to sleep with but the past few nights hasn't managed it so I'm taking it away and hoping he'll forget about it when he gets better
In place of the dummy, I give him a muslin with a tag on it (you know the bit with washing instructions on it) and he sucks on that and strokes his own face while he nods off.

I stopped giving my DD a dummy at 10 months,after she had woken me up 5 or 6 times in one night because she had lost it.

The first day was the hardest but not really so bad with a twenty minute crying session at her afternoon nap and about 10 minutes at bed time.

I never left her to cry for more than a few minutes but went in hugged her soothed her and put her back down.

The next day was fine no problems at all.

Hi Sycamoretree! My DD is 11 months and it's now been two weeks since we ditched the dummy. Like Lillypie we did it because we were up and down in the night 5/6 times popping it back in for her and it was defeating the object of having a comforter.

We started on the Saturday night when we knew she was tired - did the usual bedtime routine, then said good night. DD started frantically looking round the cot but I just shushed her and rubbed her tummy. She cried a lot and we had to go in to reassure her a few times, but after 45 mins she was fine. Next day she took longer to settle for her naps, but did so in the end and then by Monday she was totally over it! I must add that she only used to use her dummy for sleeping/naps.

As you say, make a decision as to how to proceed then stick with it otherwise you will confuse your DS. Good luck!!! I can honestly say it wasn't too bad at all and I'm soooo glad we did it.