6 1/2 year old acting like the person in charge of the house

[wornoutbyarguing]

ok here goes our 6 1/2 year old is causing ww3 every day in our house.every thing becomes a tantrum .
what do you want for breakfast turns in to I hate you i wish you die you are the worst mummy in the world.

how was school will become i hate you and often running off down the road so i either end up shouting and looking like the worst kind of parent to me runninmg at break neck speed and looking like a fast moving weeble on legs.

her teacher says she is the lovliest child she could have polite weel mannered ,good circle of friends and very bright.

every thing we do is a running battle,she punches her younger sister 5 and punches me if she cant get her own way.

any advice would be very gratefully recieved any good reward and behaviour charts that work anything before i go bald and mad.....

positives - good at school, start with that.
Is she over tired after school?

could be although it takes ages to get her to settle at night,we do the warm bath,milky drink story.but they share the same room and usually she keeps little dd awake.

i usually have to intervene by staying upstairs in our room til she is asleep.she is such a great kid but such hard work.
i try and spend time for cuddles and spend quality time with her on our own and hubby does too and i always ask if things are wrong and concentrate on her good side but we must be doing something wrong.

can't you put the little one to bed first and then older dd when she's asleep? Her behaviour sounds pretty normal to me and if she's good at school then you are so not doing things wrong!

straight to room in silence for 20 minutes for punching/running off while walking (when you get back)

Just because she's being naughty doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. They learn stuff from other kids too, not just you.

have you got any sanctions?

we have recently started doing the pasta jar/pocket money combo recommended on MN and it works with our angry, shouty, stroppy 6 yr old.

ie 10 bits of pasta in jar every Saturday - each one worth 25p - for each bit of bad behaviour she has 2 warnings then we remove one piece.

we also notice that if she doesn't eat for a while she can't control her temper (like me )

so first thing in morning and straight after school are the worst times, but it really is like walking on eggshells sometimes.

Straight after school is a nightmare without a snack, such as a banana or biscuit.

Walking on eggshells, tantrum management, disturbing younger sibling, etc, etc ... oh, so familiar! My DS is 6.1, and it's the same story here...

Have just started the pocket money idea!!

Will it work?

Goodness me, I do hope so - or I might just go mad.

Sounds exactly like my daughter. She's in year 1, and turns 6 during the hols. Her behaviour's OK at school but scary at home. Found out that she's really anxious about next school year - she's worrying about getting told off cos she can't do the work. They've started making them work at a year 2 level to "prepare" them. She's bright but finds it very difficult to concentrate in a busy classroom environment, especially since she's in a mixed class (Y1/F2) with younger children making lots of noise.

The fact that she frequently calls me "idiot" and "stupid" when she's upset is some indication of how she must be feeling. I have to work hard at not taking her behaviour personally.

We have a chat every night when she's in bed where we tell each other what we've done during the day. Sometimes I find things out, sometimes she holds back, but it seems to help.

Be there for your daughter, but make sure you get some time out for yourself otherwise you'll get compassion fatigue.

thank you for all the feedback and ideas .it was a releif to know there are lots of other mnetters with the same problem.

we will start the pasta jar and 20 minutes time out from today.. the eggshells feeling sums it up dottoress

usually at dressing for school time it takes ages to get her dressed as she refuses too and we have a major get dressed now thing going on now that gets louder and louder,however today i thought i would change tack.little dd is dressed and ready for school notso dd wont budge

ok i say just put your shoes on then we can go,but i am not dressed i have only got my nightie on says dd,thats ok i smile sweetly ,you can wear it to school today .
but everyone will laugh at me .oh i say but you dont want to wear your clothes so you will have to wear the nightie so come on shoes on.

no no i have to get dressed first.ok i say we will wait .
2 minutes later dressed and ready to go.
no tantrum
no screaming agro ,my husband comes down from upstairs from getting dressed ,what happened there was no screaming,,,,,,,,,

ok it might not work everyday but it was a start

dimum know how you feel about name calling i often think she bottles the days feelings up from school then woosh out it all comes.
it has got worse last 2 weeks as they are getting ready to the year 2 changeover and i guess she is worried about missing her really nice teacher who is a gem...

little dd is so different goes with the flow but i guess we are all different will keep posting and looking for the miracle cure that turns small kids in to sweetly tempered little darlings

If you find the miracle cure, let me know!!

One day in, the pocket money idea is doing its job. DS got up, got dressed, and brought me my slippers .

Even if it only lasts a morning, it gives me a break from the whole eggshell-thing.

He is, of course, Mr Perfect at school/in cafes/at other people's houses... I think he saves up all his school frustrations especially for me. Plus he's very jealous of DD (who is, unfortunately for him, a very obliging and sweet-natured little soul - thus far, at any rate!!) because she's at home with me for most of the time.

I do find it reassuring to know it's not just us...

I bought a book a while ago called a Parents Guide to Primary School, and I haven't read it all but one of the first things it said was to expect the sort of behaviour you have all described. I think it's simply that children have to behave and concentrate at school (the book even said they would often be described as angels by their teachers) and build up a lot of pent up feelings inside which they can't let off at school and so us parents bear the brunt of the anger, agression and bad behaviour. It all gets let out at hometime on us as it would not be allowed at school.

My DD is nearly 5 and is in reception, she's ok at the moment but i am sure she will be as you have described sooner or later. I definately know when she hasn't eaten she is awful so as soon as she gets home from school i give her a meal and she is fine after that.