Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Help needed to make my mornings stress free !

12 replies

cheltenhamgal · 30/06/2008 15:14

my dd is 8yrs old and although she has always been feisty, more recently she has taken a dislike to me asking her to do things eg Could you get dressed now please ?, could you have a wash and clean you teeth now please ? Not only does it take more than once of asking for her to comply but she really doesn't even like me asking her, she gets really frustrated and angry and starts shouting at me. Then when I say that if she doesnt get dressed for school I will withdraw privileges all hell breaks loose !

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

TeeBee · 30/06/2008 15:32

Maybe sit down and create a checklist with her of all the things she needs to get done in the morning, then leave her to get on with doing them. Tell her if she would rather you didn't keep asking her that she needs to work through them herself. If you work together to do the list she might feel a little more buy-in. Of course, if she doesn't get them done before school time then you sit and wait for her to do them, and let her pay the consequences of being late for school.

moomoo1967 · 01/07/2008 09:17

bump bump

juuule · 01/07/2008 09:22

I've bundled clothes into a bag before now and said I will take them to school and they can get dressed there. Soon got dressed

Good idea about the list. Let her do it all in the order she wants to.

bythepowerofgreyskull · 01/07/2008 09:23

I think TeeBee's idea is a good one,
perhaps get her to help you make a big chart a more grown up version of the toddler reward charts.
the things she has to do with a space for a magnet or sticker (tor tick) to say she has done it.
If things are time related put the time she needs to do them by ie get dressed by 8.15am.

I guess if things are going wrong at the moment.. then it may be worth a try?

oh yeah and getting as much as possible done the night before.

streakybacon · 01/07/2008 10:26

I have a checklist for ds to follow when getting ready for school. If he's ready with enough time to spare he can play on the computer or whatever else he wants to do before we leave. I also find it helps to get up early enough so that there's no rush - being in a hurry puts him under pressure and is guaranteed to cause him problems.

Your dd might respond best to a photograph checklist - take pictures of all her school clothes, toothbrush, face flannel and anything else she needs to do before school and incorporate them into the list. It makes it more fun than a list of written instructions.

moomoo1967 · 01/07/2008 14:12

Thanks we had a power cut at work today, so I have written a list of things ! I was trying to think of how to make it more fun lol she wakes up at 0600 so there is really no excuse for us being late except for the fact she hates being told what to do, then a fullscale row erupts, I have tried being calm but at the moment nothing seems to work with her.

juuule · 01/07/2008 14:14

Why not ask her if she has any ideas to make the mornings better for everyone. See what she has to say.

dashboardconfessionals · 03/07/2008 16:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

witchandchips · 03/07/2008 17:01

Just a thought but perhaps she wants to do it in her own time and without prompting...

Original poster

cheltenhamgal · 04/07/2008 10:27

well dashboardconfessionals the rule is that she isnt allowed to watch TV until she is dressed, with shoes and socks on and hair brushed and tied back....... we are getting there but it has been a long hard slog.....your other comment made me think though as she behaved similarly last year towards the end of term and it turned out this boy in her class had been bullying her ! I cannot believe I didnt think of that sooner, I am going to try and have a chat with her tonight when we are both more chilled.
witchandchips, she would prefer to do things in her own time but unfortunately I have to get to work so not sure what else I can do.
I have made a chart with timings and how long I think a task should take, she wakes up at 0630 and we leave the house at 0745

OP posts:

Original poster

cheltenhamgal · 04/07/2008 10:29

also dd just does not see why she should do as I ask/tell her ! I have tried the I am an adult you are a child - I have also said well if you dont do as I ask then no TV etc but she just gets this defiant look on her face

OP posts:

HonoriaGlossop · 04/07/2008 11:01

I think you could tell her that you feel now she's 8 she's old enough to sort herself out in the morning. Perhaps the only 'rule' needs to be that she gets ready before she comes downstairs...Leave clothes out for her (maybe in the bathroom, next to her toothbrush, just to make your intentions clear!!)

but make it a positive thing as in 'you're old enough to do this now, I trust you' rather than 'If you don't get ready I'll be cross' - if she doesn't do it, you don't have to even say anything, just go back to the old way of "DD can you get dressed now please" and she will realise that only if she does it herself will she NOT get directed.

Flip