Siblings fighting!

[cacatchpole]

My two boys are aged nearly 2 & nearly 5. Some of the time they get on really well and run around laughing together. But as soon as I go out the the room they end up fighting about something. The little one has no standards at all, and is happy to bite, scratch, pinch, pull hair etc and so the eldest often ends up in tears. He continually runs in to tell me what the youngest has been doing ... and whilst I don't like to tell off the youngest based on hearsay, when it's accomapniued by a large bitemark, I have to act on it. Sometimes I know there are definite things which cause the fracas, but sometimes the trigger is a complete mystery.

The littlest hates being told off, and will frequently hit me if I tell him off. I usually tell him off and put him on the naughty stair for a minute or so. He will then say sorry & kiss/hug, but it doesn't stop him doing it again.

I feel like I can't leave them alone for a second - but with DH working all hours at the moment, I have to be getting on with things (like cooking tea) sometimes. I've tried having one of them in the kitchen with me whilst cooking, but then they both end up in the kitchen, emptying out the cupboards, demanding drinks/biscuits etc incessantly... which drives me mad also.

Any ideas?

I would seperate them. Maybe make the younger go with you, or make the older go to his bedroom if they have been fighting.

i would say to send oldest to his room but on the grounds its just a time out if he has not been in the wrong

put youngest away from you but where you can see him otherwise oldest one may feel younger one is getting the attention and will cause resentment so make it clear in front of oldest that youngest will be in time out also and to go play in his room while you do dinner

you need to make it clear to elder one that youngest ds is being told his behaviour is wrong even though younger and doesnt know as well as older you dont want to create sibling rivlary in older one thinking youngest gets attention even when been naughty and older one gets punished when not in the wrong

difficult for you but the youngest is in the testing the limits age and can be difficult for the older children to understand there behaviour so just allow older ds to have his own space when youngest is in that mood and praise when playing nicely

if distraction doesnt work such as asking them both to help with something then it'll probably be best to seperste for short while

My dds are nearly the same age (couple of months younger, same age gap) and its a mix of starting to play really well, and fighting over toys. Not surprisingly, since nearly 2 yr olds are at that stage anyway - and the older one easily regresses as its her little sister 'taking' her things all the time (in her eyes).

Personally, I think nearly 2 is too little for naughty stairs, it doesn't make any sense to them - time out to calm down in a different room (ie separate them) yes, but more than that I don't think dd understands (dd1 certainly didn't, at that age). I will say firmly 'no snatching', and then take an action such as separating them or taking a toy away and distracting.

But god yes, its a full-on stage...I resort to DVDs far too often! I also get out of the house as much as possible. They both like drawing, and we have an easel, so I put one on each side in the kitchen where I can watch them and that buys me a few minutes - or put dd2 in her high chair with playdough/crayons so she can't escape. Doesn't work for long anymore, though, of course.

And I agree, the older one needs their space sometimes...I take dd2 away and distract her, dd1 gets on with playing in her room, or watching a DVD, or playing outside etc. But its v v hard to get on with anything else - meal menus have become scarily simple and repetitive recently

Same age gap here and it was difficult at this age. Mine further complicated the matter by biting themselves and claiming that the other one had done it! No solution really- but it does get better.

cory too bright, your kids!

not as bright as me though, Elibean- I checked the angle of the bite marks! (evil emoticon)

The thing that sticks out most to me from your post is:-

The littlest hates being told off, and will frequently hit me if I tell him off. I usually tell him off and put him on the naughty stair for a minute or so. He will then say sorry & kiss/hug , but it doesn't stop him doing it again.

If I were in your situation. I would listen to the apology, accept but would not follow with the kiss and hug part. You need to make it clear that you are not happy with his behaviour, tell him so, say you are happy that he has been able to apologise and then walk away. If he knows he can get a special hug and kiss it will only make things seem ok.

That's my opinion anyway. Others may not agree.

Thanks that's some useful ideas - and good to hear that we'll get past this eventually. Yes Sparkler - I think that stopping the kiss/hug might be a good idea - I'll certainly try that. I do try to separate them, but inevitably one of them disappears off to find the other and then all hell breaks loose!

Thanks all

Oh Dear.
I feel like I'm reading about my future here.

My dss are 1 and 3 and I'm already dealing with teeth marks and tale telling. I guess it's only going to get worse.

Any suggestions for things I should do now to preempt problems or do I just accept that this is inevitable and buy some industrial earplugs?

Apparently some children get on marvellously! Mine do some of the time - when they are running around together laughing wildly and having fun, life is absolutely great. The post-school, pre-bedtime slot is a complete nightmare though...

My boys are 5 & 6 and argue and fight constantly. The youngest is the most likely to start things and cry, very loudly! I have started punishing them both every time.
With the 2 yr old I agree that a short punishment swiftly followed by a hug may come accross as a little pain before the hug and the time out is lost. Perhaps when time out is finished there needs to be a sorry to eachother.
I found a book on Amazon that I've just ordered about sibling rivalry... thought I may need some new strategies.

I should have put that the oldest is much bigger and hits much harder.