2.8yr old behaviour. Managing a difficult child - is it my fault as I'm not at home as much anymore due to having to work??

[SwissCheese]

It's not based on science, and maybe I am hoping for emotional support myself but here goes..
DS is nearly 3 and has being going through the testy two's with ups and downs of good v bad behaviour.
He had started hitting other children at playgroup and nursery, but it stopped. That has started again this week interestingly it started when the main playgroup leader was talking to other children, he started to shout and he was told to wait a minute and then 'biff' on the child next to him = full attention grabbed then!

What I have noticed is that he is really up tight by the time I finish my run of 3 days' work (I do come home for tea/bed etc). I have also noticed that he is becoming increasingly controlling over me, even versus DH: shouting when we talk to each other; grabbing me and physically pulling me away. He does other things like interrupt when I'm on the phone to the point I have to shut him or I out. I have tried the 'thinking step' routines etc and it sometimes helps.

I can't help but wonder about the controlling behaviour and whether it's got worse since I have gone to work, or if it may be the challenging phase he's in.Although there does seem a pattern to get attention from adults if he's doing that to the playgroup leader too??

It's really hard to know what to do and I'm conscious of all these Mums who have really gentle, relaxed children and envy, admire and wish for the qualities they evidently have by the bag full.

It's normal - don't worry.

Sounds like a normal reaction to the change in his routine. Have you recently gone back to work? Who is looking after him while you are at work? Is his routine being kept the same?

i think you need to stop being guilty about work, i think its just a phase that some children do. i really dont think it is related to your working, my ds did a similar thing at that age except he would do something silly if the attention wasnt on him such as sliding off the chair, always guarneteed to make the other children at playgroup giggle. then when i got there he would run around and around the hall when i tried to talk to the playgroup workers or other mums and refuse to then get his coat on when asked.
although my ds's behaviour was displayed diff to your sons i think they both were wanting the attention and seeking it in their own way.
no idea what to do to offer help i used to just go out the room if i was home and my ds started and i was on phone etc, or when it was playgroup i used to stand at back of queue then go in and grab once everyone else was out the way clipping him into his reins quickly.

Nursery made my DS very tired, and at the end of the three days part-time work I found him difficult to manage. He was so overtired at the end of the third day. I don't know if this is good advice but give him even more attention and tell him how much you love him and how good he is. Also, I pick my battles with DS1 and only tell him off if I need to, and I try to be more understanding when he is very tired. He can really play up, hitting/pushing his little brother, and that always happens when he is overstimulated, overtired, and hungry.

hello - not knowing very much about your circumstances but comparing to my own ( ds aged3 and i work 2.5 days a week) i would say it could possibly be a response to not having quite enough of you - combined with being the age he is. don't feel guilty, it is what you have chosen to do, just make sure when you are with him you are properly 'his' and very present. my ds is difficult when i am absent - or preoccupied - i try to make sure that when i come in from work i am ready to be totally wrapped up his world, same in the morning before i go. blimey it's hard working and being a mum. good luck.

'tis normal i asked lo 2.8 to stop doing somethig today and he just looked at me and did it agin with a real look in his eye as if to say 'come on then' i have to say it did make me think where did my lil baby go?

He goes to a small nursery so he doesn't have to compete with many and has the same staff each time, whom he loves dearly. DH looks after him at home on the other days. I've been back at work since he was 8 months - so he should be used to it. He's just such a handful until I get to my days off and he has me to himself again.

Whitebeaches: I've seen that 'look' in DS eyes too. It's quite upsetting and sometimes he just laughs at me. I think he's too young to be mocking me, but sometimes I have the feeling he is. It's really hard.

cross posted with blueberry pancake - totally agree with you. hope this is helpful swiss cheese

Of course he's not mocking you! He's laughing 'cos he thinks it's a game.

well i kind of see it as a game but i am afraid it is one i do try to win but all the same the look when you get it does shock you

SwissCheese, all normal for this age and it is a phase. You don't want gentle, relaxed children. You want feisty ones - they make great adults