What do you think?

[BasementBear]

DS2 (4.7) has a range of peculiar foibles, is he just awkward and in need of more discipline (as DH thinks) or is there more to it than that?

For example:
1 Very picky about what he wears, ie refuses to wear shorts or long sleeved shirts. Won't dress himself either.
2 Still wants me to feed him and take him to the loo.
3 Won't drink out of a cup without a straw.
4 Has difficulty sharing and apart from brother and close family doesn't like social interaction with others his own age.
5 Is prone to mega tantrums if he doesn't get his way.

I always used to think he was just a bit of a character but now I'm wondering if it is more serious. He doesn't like playing with other children, except for his brother. He does understand emotions though and hates it if his brother gets upset and can tell me when he himself is sad.

DH thinks he just needs more discipline re the tantrums etc and it is true that he is definitely worse with me than anyone else but I would hate to be trying to change his behaviour if it is really something he can't help (if that makes sense). I don't know quite how to discipline him, he just screams and screams if I try to do time out, and just isn't interested in positive reinforcement such as star charts.

I am a bit reluctant to take him to the GP because I don't want him to be "labelled". Any advice welcome please!!

ok, I have a ds who is 4.5.

He is very picky about what he wears, and I usually end up dressing him, often because it's quicker.

At home I have a plaintif voice which calls down 'bott wipe please'...

Always has to have straws, very particular about which beaker he has at bedtime

Likkes doing his own thing rather than playing with other children. he is the same at nursery, his teacher isn't worried, it's just part of who he is.

Mega tantrums...how long have you got???

he is 'normal' in so far as a small boy can be called normal. I have recently found a naughty shelf quite effective, re discipline it is a case of working out what pushes their button, my ds's ones are different to his sisters. Do you have a reward when he has a certain quantity of stars?

Sounds like a normal boy to me. I think mine is partly due to being quite anxious about going up a class in Sept. See if you can have some time where it is just the two of you, and dh has his brother, and vice versa.

HTH

quite normal and DH might be quit right.

Rather thn more discipline I would say more positive encouragement and CONSISTENCY.

When you say something / request something from him always follow through
ie
i'll chop your food and then you eat
i'll wipe bottom and then you dress up

etc....build up on it step by step and offer lots of praise.
It's a boring long drawn process but the only one that works in the end!

don't waste time with charts.

Just use words. same over and over again in a calm tone to show there is no need to get all worked up, that's just the way it is.

it can be very trying but using the low voice & repetition is a better tool than time out and ignoring the child in my experience.

For desperate measures I do not hesitate to withdraw his favorite toy for 24h or deny him evening story.
I know it's blackmail but it works

Many thanks for your expert advice! DS1 is such an easy boy I guess I wasn't ready for a challenge with number 2!! I will put your tips into practice, thanks again for reassuring me.

my ds aged 4.11
! picky about every thing he wears, wont wear shorts or T shirts.
! i dress him...quicker.
!has gone from bottle at aged 3.8 to cup with lid and straw, so what??? its getting fluids in him.
!i feed him mostly...quicker and he gets his food while it is warm not stone cold 3 hours after it was put out, which is what would happen if it were left to him.
!needs help to the loo 4 out of 5 times.
! problems sharing...im teaching him this, tis an ongoing battle and i was worried that it was because he is an only child...but it seems that it is normal for them at that age.
I honestly think that this is normal normal normal, horribly normal!

they are still babies at 4, dont make them grow up too quickly.

i know, drives me mad too

With my first boy, in desperation I threatened to withdraw bedtime story - just the threat was enough ( in fact, I felt guilty as it so clearly profoundly affected him). It became my last resort, but hardly ever needed to be used. I agree about positive re-inforcement; naughty steps and time outs can feel like rejection, particularly by a sensitive child, and the confusing feelings can lead to worse behaviour, or just teach them to be sly.

I also have some concerns about my DS. Not the same as yours, but in a similar vein, not desperately behind or anything, just a bit odd. I was very concerned about labelling him too, but the worries wouldn't go away, so I wrote to my GP. Didn't take Ds in to see GP , as I didn't want to discuss it in front of DS. When GP got my letter, he phoned and we discussed it all over the phone and he's referring him to the local pediatric unit. He acknowledged my concerns about labels, but suggested we have him assessed for everyone's peace of mind and then depending on what, if any, diagnosis there is, we can decide if it's just part of his character or if there's some help he (we) should be having.

The other suggestions are very valid and certainly worth trying, but if you find yourself unable to stop worrying, have a chat with your GP. Waiting lists are likely to be long anyway, so if the problem resolves before you get a referral, you've lost nothing.

Good luck

Thanks everyone, it is reassuring to see I'm not alone. Appreciate your comments too, whatdayisit, hope everything goes well for you. I have made GPs appointments at least three or four times only to cancel them again so I may get round to actually discussing it with doc one day. He is very old-school though and scares me to death - every time I go to see him I feel like I'm wasting his time!