Ds's behaviour at school has gone downhill, got called in today

[IllegallyBrunette]

Have never been in this position before, as both dd's are thankfully very well behaved (at school anyway).

Ds is 5 and nearing the end of reception. Have had no problems with behaviour at all until now.

His teacher called me in when I collected him today and said that his behaviour this week has really gone downhill. He has been in trouble for fighting, pushing his friend off his chair, more fighting and not listening to the teacher at carpet time and then complaining that he doesn't know how to do his work, and expecting help.

I was quite shocked about the fighting, as although he it is not unheard of for him to whack one of his sisters, he isn't normally violent towards anyone else.

The not listening thing didn't shock me at all, as he is constantly away with the fairies and getting him to concentrate for more than 2 seconds is a mission. I am worried though that part of the saying he doesn't understand is because he is still really struggling with his writing, and I am although I understand that he does need to try and do his work independently, I am a bit shocked at the 'you shouldn't keep asking for help' attitude.

I had already arranged to speak to his teacher about his writing on Monday and so will still do that, but I now feel like they are just going to ay that it's his own fault because he doesn't listen.

WRT the fighting , I have taken his DS away until his behaviour improves, and after just discovering that one of the incidents was linked to a scene in his Star Wars game, I have taken that away for good.

Thing is, Ds doesn't seem one bit bothered by any of it.

What else can I do ?

Has anything major changed in his life recently? Is the work at school engaging him at all? Is he 'into it' or is he bored by it all? Why is the school using the term work? They are not there to do work they are there to do learning.

Good point NJM. Get a sight test while you are at it.

No major changes no. I am sepereated from his dad, but that was a while ago now, so it's not that.

He has recently started staying overnight at his dads once a week, but seems to of taken that in his stride.

I know his concentration is bad, I observed it the other day when I was in his class for a workshop, and can see it every week at swimming lessons, but what do you do about concentration ? I mean if it isn't majorly interesting to him then he won't concentrate.

I will be quite interested to know wether the majority of this 'playing up', is happening during a time in which he should be writing. If it is, then I am pretty sure he is doing it because he can't do the work, or at least thinks he can't.

I was worried about his writing right at the start of reception but was assured that he'd be fine, they'd help him with his pencil control etc, but although there has been some improvement, he is no where near the standard of most of the others in his class. He still has fairly poo pencil control and most of his writing is pretty ilegible.

Hearing and sight both passed with flying colours.

Yep, that makes perfect sense notjustamom, and is exactly what I am worried about. Though I am more worried that they may not think this is the case, and think that he is just generally being naughty.

As the mum of a 5 yo ds can really relate to what you are saying. I too have had several reports on "silly" behaviour last week. It seems to have calmed this week. I would definitely get his hearing tested, although that isn't ds's defence. His hearing is fine he's just a joker. Ds class have had their Outing and are now doing a show for Assembly. They know the sports day is looming as well as the school fete. It's too much for his 5 yo head. Thank god it's nearly end of term

Boys' writing develops later than girls' and I really would not worry about his writing just yet.
Boys tend to give up if they feel they are failing which could explain the lack of interest so I would lavish him with praise for every effort he makes in his writing. Do you think he could be low on confidence and hiding that with his boisterousness/fighting?
Reckon staying at his dad's could cause upset. I think any change in routine at this age has some effect or another however carefully we orchestrate it.
I would just keep his routine as regular as possible, lavish him with love and praise, make him feel like a superhero and encourage the school to check that they are meeting his needs for fun and activity. It is not his fault he does not listen but it could be the schools fault for not engaging him effectively.
Is the school very high achieving/ hot housey?

would it be worth getting his eyes and hearing checked..? not saying this is necessarily the problem, but it might help to eliminate possible causes of misbehaviour through not being able to see/hear properly?
Has he had a fall out with his friends at school?
ime, some children simply are away with the fairies - my dd is just the same, and it'll still take her twice as long to do anything as her younger brother. i've accepted it's just the way she is. she has got better as she's got older - she's 10 now (we've never had any major issues with behaviour tho).
sorry not to be of more help hope you find a solution and school are helpful.

sorry, x post!

His hearing was checked about 2 terms ago and was fine, so it can't be that.

I'd like to say that it might be the end of term general confusion about sports day, carnival day etc etc, but tbh Ds seems oblivious to any of that even going on, and if I ask him about it he rarely knows the answer because he wasn't listening.

He has been seperated in class from two of his friends, which is such a shame because they got on so well at first.

The school is a good one, have two older children in years 3 and 5, and have never had any cause for concern in any area with them really, but then they are both alot more into school than Ds.

I just worry now that he isn't ready to go up into yr 1, and that his struggle will get bigger and he will get further behind.

He has no confidence at all with his writing, or any other part of literacy. It is hard to persuade him to try, and even if he does something right, he is still very critical of it.
He is still having a word tin as he hasn't yet mastered all of his key words, and is still struggling with ORT stage 1+ books, which I know means nothing really, but I feel so bad that he is struggling and I feel so damn helpless.
He also is one of very few who hasn't had a sentence book sent home (to copy sentences out), and spellings. I agree that he shouldn't have these things though, as he isn't ready.

He has more confidence with numeracy.

I would say then to sod the 'literacy' until September. Take the pressure right off. It all sounds far too formal for your DS. Chuck out the word box, tell him the sentence book does not matter (because it doesn't)
Instead I would go back to the bit where children need to see the purpose in reading. Get him to choose a recipe from a book he would like to cook. Look on the internet for places to visit in the summer and model reading out the information for him. Read him some funny books. Get a joke book and have him practise telling them to delight all his relatives. He sounds like he has switched off to reading. Sounds dull in his class. Sorry.

this is probably not relevant at all but a girl in my DD's class turned out to have some sort of epilepsy where she sort of had these really brief "absent spells" and it also affected her behaviour. Wasnt diagnosed for ages (till she had a more obvious seizure) as it was attributed to bad concentration. But this is probably rare and I dont want to be alarmist - just wondering if he ever seems to be a bit blank for a few moments.
FWIW there's children in her class who just werent ready to settle in reception - mainly boys too. Esp summer babies. They are doing okay now.

I actually find it quite normal for boys to go through periods of more challenging behaviour (and girls)

carrot not stick i think

DI keep a check on number of warnings (in year 1 he never had more than 2 because with 3 there's a consequence)

and a check on stickers and make a big fuss

school does a star of the day and star of the week .. and he really enjoys them

DS has drawn the attenion of his teacher more than once, in the last few weeks.

His teacher tried to have a snidey word with me, under the auspices "I don't what is wrong with him this week"

I replied, "it is the end of the school year and he is exhausted." She said they are all tired. I said "I can't comment on the rest of them, but take it from me he is exhausted, I am having to wake him up every morning."

She back tracked pretty darn quickly.

can understand your concerns. My ds is in reception and wont be 5 till august - so he is the youngest. I too have had issues with concentration, sitting still etc. His behaviour and attitude at home was just as appalling. However (tempting fate here i go ) he has had a huge improvement this last two weeks - to the extent that i feel that i actually like him again . What i think has done this, is the teacher. She reakonized that there was a problem and decided to "reward" him everytime he did what he was ment to do i.e not rolling around bunderling the other children who are sitting nicely listening to the story . The school give out "tokens" for anything they deem worthy of it and he hadnt had these for so long that i think he got dispondent but now that he is suddelnly getting them again he has come out of school BEEMING and i have been getting the "thumbs up" from the teacher (admittidly not everyday but i can dream!!).

What i am trying to get accross in a very long winded way is that the school need to take some resonsibiltiy and find a way of encouraging and rewarding his good behaviour - even if its what he should of been doing anyway

Some of it is down to end of term tiredness I guess, as he is getting the same amount of sleep, but getting harder to wake each morning.

I just had a little chat with him about school. He said he doesn't like it, and I asked why and he said 'because i don't.

I asked him to say one thing he does like about school and he said playing. I asked him for one more thing, and he said playing outside.

So i think you may be right Spudmasher, he just isn't quite ready for all this 'work'. He does learn alot more through playing, I have seen it with my own eys. However, he has to do as he is told at school doesn't he, so it's not like I can say 'oh don't do that work if you don't feel like it'.

I do praise him alot for work that he does do, and his teacher does star of the day/week, which he has been several times.

He said he hates writing and cutting out because he can't do it right and he forgets things.

I doubt it is what you suggest shouldbeironing, but I will certainly bear it in mind. Dd was reffered for suspected absences in nursery, because she just seemed to switch off. Ds's isn't like that though, he just isn't interested LOL.

I know you've had his hearing tested but he does sound just like my ds who had chronic glue ear..glue ear can come and go and can be caused by colds and by allergies eg.hayfever so it really might be worth having his hearing tested again.

Is it possible that the recent staying over night with his Dad, which you say he has taken in his stride, may actually be distracting him?

What I mean is, that although he may seem alright on the surface, it could have revived feelings and/or questions about the separation and the realisation that Dad is not coming home. He may be sad and angry, but not really conscious of this.

Ignore this if I'm completely wrong IB, but I thought worth saying.

I'm sure you've thought of it, and the school should be more than aware of signs if it's possible, but could he be dyslexic?

Sorry, should have explained more - kids who are dyslexic often find writing/ reading difficult and start to fall behind. If the school don't notice or they're labelled as slow, it can often cause disruptive behaviour through frustration.

No Cloudy, you are right, it is possible that this new arrangment with his dad is something to do with it.
He doesn't particularly enjoy going to his dads, he doesn't hate it, but I suspect that given the choice he'd probably not go because there is nothing to do there, and he and xp aren't on the samer wavelength.

I did wonder about dyslexia Smee, but thought he might be too young for anyone to know one way or another. I don't know alot about it tbh, so will look it up and have a read.

He's not too young. Talk to his teachers as the school should recognise if it's likely. Having said that, a friend of mine who's badly dyslexic struggled to get his son diagnosed, so you might have to look into it yourself.

www.dyslexiaaction.org.uk/Page.aspx?PageId=10
It's definitely worth looking into.