How to encourage DS to be a bit more 'forward'?

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I wonder can anybody help me with suggestions to encourage my DS to be a little bit more forward / less shy? Just had a nursery review, where they noted that he doesn't like big noisy crowds of kids but is perfectly happy with his little gang - this I'm not worried about, DH and I are both happier out of crowds too.

However, they said if he doesn't have cutlery at lunchtime, or needs a wee or something, he doesn't come forward; he waits for somebody to notice. I don't know if this is a character trait (DH in particular is not very forward, I'm a bit more forthright) or whether we can do anything to encourage him to be a bit more assertive?

It may be because I am quite attentive if we're at home together and he may not have to bring my attention to things like this, I would notice and save him the bother really - we are expecting DC2 in August so the lowering of sole attention that will come with the new arrival may help with this issue. It's not really a problem, as I don't want a pushy kid, but I would like him to be a bit more assertive.

Sorry for the essay! Any suggestions please? He's 3.3 by the way.

I think maybe being less attentive at home would help - he's old enough to ask for things. Perhaps you should "forget" to give him something then say "Oh I haven't given you a spoon - you should tell me when I forget things. How about you say 'Please can I have a spoon' when silly mummy forgets stuff?"

Once he gets practice doing it with you, and not feeling uncomfortable, he'll be able to do the same at nursery.

That's a great idea, thank you! I will start off on things like that, and see can we encourage him a bit.

It's probably also a good idea to get him doing this now, "because he's getting bigger", rather than after the baby arrives, so that he doesnt feel you don't have time to do things for him any more!

It's a tough one, I was like this as a kid, have got better as I got older... I'd say it's all about encouraging independance with the little things like encouraging him to make more of his own decisions and asking him to state what he wants so he gets more used to stating what his wishes are and what he prefers. I thats a bit vague and i don't mean that you don't give him what he wants I just mean more of what amuminscotland suggested really. Could ask him for instance 'what do you want to do today?' or shall we have a snack? what would you like?, another thing you could try is maybe when in shops or cafes just encouraging him to ask for things, maybe turn it into a game like 'ooh I can't find the toys in this shop, shall we go and ask the nice lady where they are? how about you ask her like a big boy and show mummy how clever you are?
Just thinking out loud really but I don't think if he's shy it's possible to suddenly make him really assertive but you might be able to give him the tools to get by so he's not afraid to ask for things HTH

I think it is more complex though. While I agree that with the imminent arrival of a new baby it would be good to encourage DS's independence at home now I am not sure how much this will carry over to nursery.

I have two children - 7 and 4. DS while not shy is not in the least bit assertive - so is usually not the one to choose what game is played, the last in the line for party bags, etc etc. DD is actually shy and even less assertive - although if she is in an environment where she is comfortable (eg home) she becomes very assertive, almost as though she is compensating - and poor, laid-back DS cops for a lot of it. So I am not really sure what the answer is.

thanks for all your replies, everybody. It breaks my heart to see DS last in line at nursery etc, though I know he's happy in his little gang.

I will encourage him a bit more to make decisions, though he is pretty determined with us! he's very into being 'a big boy' so hopefully that will work.

I'm hoping he'll get a bolshy little sister in August who will perk him up a bit!

My dd1 is very shy and was similar to your ds at the same age. She's 4 and a bit now and her confidence levels have steadily climbed in the last year or so. I think having a baby sister helped, she enjoys being 'the capable one' and being in charge. She's now very vocal at nursery, takes part in show and share (minor miracle, believe me!) etc etc She's still not exactly boisterous but way better than she was.

It's possible that time and a new baby will help enormously.

That's good news, thanks Prof!

I agree with encouraging him to make more decisions...

also don't worry, he will change as he gets older anyway

And role modelling is hugely important, more so than anything else I think; he needs to see you and dh deal with things assertively, he needs to see you not allow yourselves to be sidelined, to speak up and ask for what you want etc etc.That's how he will learn best.

thank you HG, another good idea.