Please or to access all these features

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

9 Year DD struggling socially

1 reply

OpenMentor · 02/07/2026 23:51

I'm worried about my daughter. She's nine and a half years old. I think she's quite possibly neurodiverse, but it would never be significantly enough for the school to flag it.
However, I've always slightly suspected it would come out socially. There's just been little hints and signs.
Now, when she tells me about school, she quite often can't remember who she plays with, and I never get a full account of her day. However, from what she does tell me, I can see she's not fully fitting in, she's quite often left on the outskirts and not properly included, never someone's first choice. I've seen kids be slightly mean to her and say she's weird and they don't want to play with her, not often but it's happening. She's definitely overlooked and dismissed. Her so-called best friend has rejected her a few times, runs off and leaves her will only pick her when there's nobody else around.
She, however seems perfectly content. I have asked her if she's unhappy, if she feels lonely, she says no, (I am very careful how I approach it). And then at other times I have been completely direct because there is part of me that thinks she doesn't understand it unless I'm literal. She hesitates but then is quick to say, no, no problem. I'm just worried that if we're missing something, it's going to affect her self-esteem, I guess.
She's constantly told no, she can't play. She bounces around until someone finally lets her play. I just, my heart breaks for her. Play dates have stopped now that the children choose their own. Birthday invites have slowed down. I guess my worry is that she is struggling socially and isn't fully aware of it for some reason, but needs as support. What if anything can I do?

OP posts:
ExplodingSmittens · 03/07/2026 07:24

If you suspect ND, I think the first thing I’d do is to do this simple progress checker.

Have you spoken to her Teacher and asked the SENCO to observe her? If so, what did they say?

You can also apply for an EHC needs assessment to get her some support. She doesn’t need a diagnosis for this as they’re based on need and you don’t have to wait for the School to do it either. Hopefully with that she may get some support with social situations.

Do the Primary School have anything in place at break times for pupils who don’t have someone to play with? Do they have a friendship bench or any organised games?

EHC needs assessments

An EHC needs assessment is an assessment of a child or young person’s education, health and care needs

https://www.ipsea.org.uk/ehc-needs-assessments

New posts on this thread. Refresh page