How to deal with sensitive DH when DS favours me

[wolfear]

I've heard this happens a lot, particularly with boys. DS is 11 months and gets so excited when he sees me, calls out for mama, comes to me when he's upset etc, and barely gives DH the time of day. They're ok if they're alone but as soon as he hears my voice or sees me, it's all over for daddy & son time. I try to make light of it but I know DH gets a little upset by it, even though he says he understands. DS knows me better for the obvious reasons of me being off work for 8 months with him, breast feeding, doing most of the changing, cleaning etc, even though DH does his bit. Will the favouritism shift as DS gets older?

Oh God, both of mine were like this. It'll pass when they get to the stage that he realises the difference between boys and girls and realises that he is like daddy and need to be like daddy. DH will get his time (and then you will be able to kick them out the house for football while you watch the telly with a cuppa!)

Phew. Sometimes I feel awful for him. DS will actually bawl and grip onto me for dear life if I try to hand him over to dad.

My DS was like this at this age and it is hard for the Dads but wait until he is a little older (my DS is almost 3) and Dad has been flavour of the month for weeks now!

Yep, my little one was like that for 2 years (sorry). And, to be honest, mummy is still usually the favourite - but to be honest, I am brilliant But he is happy to be with daddy now. And enjoys building things and playing football with daddy.

Is it girls too or is it a boy thing?

My DS1 was exactly like this, to the extent that when I was expecting DS2, it always had to be me who went to him in the night, even though getting upright made me sick!

Now he's 7 and Mum's boooring! Has been for ages, ever since DS1 was old enough to be chased by a monster

DD2 cannot even bear daddy to speak to her just now if she's in that mood. Sometimes it's worse than others, she's not been well this week & it's hellish. Since she was about 3 or 4 months she's refused to take a bottle from him & will only take a couple of spoonfuls of food from him before she whines & whines to get me back. She's 7 months now & it seemed to be better last week or so then she took not well & it's back to square one.

DD1 was like this occasionally but never as bad & although I'm still the light of her life ( I am also wonderful) she does cry for Daddy if she has a nightmare about 75% of the time. Think she grew out of it by about 2'ish as well.

I found it quite hard, very stifling if I'm honest as I have always been a Daddy's girl but my Mum said I went through a similar stage around 4.

I'm appreciating it more this time as once they get more independent you actually miss it a bit

It'll pass & you'll be vying for cuddles with DH.

I think it is a phase, my dd went through something like this and dh would get upset that he was unable to comfort her.

he has always spent lots of time with dd and they always had time alone and built a good relationship. he also spent 4months at home with her from when she was 12m

these days, dd now 3 is very keen on her days with daddy only occasionally asking if I want to come too also when dh gets home until she goes to bed it is all about daddy

My ds has always been like this and as he approaches 2 I've started to notice a change in him - I can also explain a bit more and he understands more so it feels less like I'm "abandoning" him.

If you can, try to leave your son and DH alone and maybe use the opportunity for a spot of shopping or something on your own. I've always found that ds would scream if I left him with dh and then as soon as I'd gone he'd be fine. This has really helped. I also don't give in if a time has been scheduled or it's Daddy's time for bath...we might get screaming ab dabs, but he does get over it.

It will get easier - but I do still find illness, teeth, bad day and the only one for him is mummy....

My ds is just like this. Haven't even been able to leave him with dh, he just cries. CAN send them out on little adventures together though .

DD is 14 months and the same. She is all over DP when I am not there but favours me when we are both there. She always wants me when is upset or tired. I think it is just that I have done most of the care since she was born, BF until recently etc, the bond is bound to be stronger. DP is pretty good about it and to be honest I am making the most of the attention as i am sure it wont last forever.

I'm afraid I am very upset at this - my ds is all about his Daddy. He wants him at night, he wants him when he is ill. I can do no right. My dh can do no wrong.

I ordered a Mummy's boy and clearly did not get one

how old is your ds, ST?

my ds is like this at 13mo- when handed to dh, he promptly howls and lurches back towards me - but dh looks after him one day a week when im at work and apparently once im out of the door, he's perfectly happy. (have taken to sneakily looking through the window after leaving and sure enough, in about a nanosecond ds is playing happily)
dh does get upset sometimes about it especially as he makes an effort to spend time with ds so i know how you feel. but if you do go off and leave them together to have some daddy/son time it may go better than you think and might make your dh feel more positive about it

my dds switch allegiance all the time. it used to get switched every few months but I think that finally (they are 8 and 6) they are getting a bit more sophisticated - they have realised they can favour one over the other for particular purposes rather than for everything but over a period of time. ds does Star Wars films, tv dinners and take aways. I do soft about scary dreams. it all comes out in the wash. as they say.

My DS (now 3) goes through phases of 'preferring' one parent over the other. What usually triggers a change from one to the other is if he's spent more time with that parent.

I have just spent pretty much the entire weekend moaning on the sofa (am 30 wks pg) so DH and DS had a mega-boys weekend - fiddling with tools in the garage, going on bear hunts in the wood, getting muddy, etc. Total daddy's boy this morning.

my ds was exactly the same wolf - what worked for us was DH taking DS out of the house so that I was not in the equation - and ds DID cry at being taken 'away' but it was over quickly (DH used to take him swimming one morning each weekend) It was great bonding time for them and DS got used to DH doing the whole morning - it really paid off I think.

I think it is easier if your DH persists with having sole charge without you around - there may be some tears but I think it will work.

phd he is 3. It has always been the same. In fact, my very first post on mn was about this subject

I do worry that it will never change though

My DD (3)said in circle time at nursery when she was asked what makes you happy 'daddy' and what makes you sad 'mammy' . Fortunately I'm not sensitive - she is a real daddys girl but when she was younger there were times when she absolutely clung to me. You will soon find that DS will switch favourites as he starts to play you off against each other (if he is anything like my DD). They are very manipulitive .

Agree with HonoriaGlossop re. swimming. DH loves taking DS swimming. I avoid showing my thighs at all costs so it works well! DS definitely thinks of DH as the 'fun parent.'

Both my DS's are real Daddys boys. They see me all the time so prefer Daddy. I'm pretty sure there will be a shift at some point and you will find it hard. I do. DS1 only wants Daddy to put him to bed

That's it isn't it springers - they get to have great fun in the swimming pool, much more fun that just being at home with mum! DHs can also usually do lots more in the way of throwing the child around dangerously which is always popular with the child - and if I'm not there to see it they're happier

No voice piping up "DH, don't do that you'll drop him! OH my god don't throw him there he'll drown" etc etc

my ds a my friends ds are the same always want mummy, my friend has a dd now and she always wants her dad.
Just think when he gets to 4-5 and he wants to play footie, rugby ect with him he will want his dad then

Agreed HonoriaG - was horrified when DS told him that him and daddy had been sawing wood in the garage. Aarrgh.