how do you deal with nightmares?

[kitbit]

ds is 3.6 and usually sleeps quite happily but over the last few weeks he has had a few nights with bad dreams. Last night he woke up suddenly and very upset, because "the ladies were scaring him". I asked if they were dream ladies and he nodded but refused to say anything else other than that he definitely did not want me to leave, so I stayed with him in his bed.
We've been doing a star chart for "good sleeping" over the last 2 months, "good sleeping" means he tries hard to go to sleep at bedtime (lies quietly, closes eyes, doesn't muck about and play with toys) and if he does wake in the night he tries hard to get back to sleep by himself if he can. (If he can't he knows it's OK to call us but he tries not to.) He's been very happy with this and has been doing really well with it but I wonder if it could be setting something off in his dreams???

He's doing so well with it that I really don't want to slip back into me having to get into his bed every night again, but obviously I don't want him to be scared by dreams.

All I could think of to say was "there's no ladies here just you and me, you're safe, no-one's coming, there's just us and bear".

How can I get to the bottom of the bad dreams and help him through it and what's causing it? Do 3 year olds often go through bad dream phases? Anyone had any experience of this?

I think this is fairly normal behaviour. You can try the 'scary bottle' technique. You just get a spray bottle with water in and make up a label for it 'monster killer' etc. In your case 'scary ladies remover' spray, and when he is scared he can spray it and they disappear - I'm told it works quite well.

The other thing is to teach him to clap when it happens and that dreams have to vanish when you clap because they are no longer allowed in the room.

Glad to hear it's a normal phase, that's a relief. I like the idea of the bottle and the clapping, both positive things that he can do to help himself, thank you I think I will try them. I'm nearly sure it was a dream and not supernatural, he did seem to show tendencies when he was small towards being sensitive and I was told by a family member who is very "in tune" that my great grandmother had been keeping an eye on us in our first few months (my mother cannot travel and apparently asked her to, this other relative didn't know this but picked it up so I'm pretty sure I believe her). ds used to focus on a corner of the room and smile when I was rocking him to sleep so I did wonder.

I think I need to gently find out a bit more to make sure it's not that - ask some general questions and try not to lead the answers etc. But in the meantime I think a bottle of squirt might help! Thanks WMMC

We've got two friendly monsters - Freddie I made up to be helpful, but he was immediately joined by Jessie. They apparently sometimes go to their house, but if ds is having problems sleeping due to monsters etc, I suggest that he calls them as I've asked them to stay at our house that night. This helps a lot as he feels in control a bit.

He gets nasty tigers and nasty elephants in his dreams sometimes - but I normally suggest that he gets his Nellie (favourite toy) to tell them not to be nasty or chase them away for him.

So, yes, I think that something like this is probably quite normal, and giving them some means of control - ds has F & J and Nellie, other people use spray or similar - can be very helpful.