10-year-old is still pretty bad with knife and fork - any tips which don't involve nagging?

[filthymindedbolshevixen]

my boy is 10 and still rather inept with cutlery. To put it in context, he is appalling with a pen too so is obviously a fine motor control issue - though very good at lego, modelling etc. DH is getting very wound up about it and nags him constantlyabout his eating skills which I think is counter-productive. Anyone got any effective 'softer' approaches in helping tackle this?

my son is a fraek then?

No,I have the same problem with DS2 (10) who would always use his fingers - but then he is Dyspraxic. It is a fine motor skill nightmare, and my approach so far has been a bit too hands-off (pardon the pun ), but it's getting to the stage that a trip to a restaurant is cringe-worthy. So no solutions, other than my constant refrain of "DS2, Use your fork. DS2, Use your fork. DS2, Use your fork." throughout the meal.

I am pretty hard line on things like this - if he hasn't got any physical issues which make it particularly difficult for him, then I would say that a minimum standard of manners is expected or there will be blood for breakfast. Sorry - not helpful, I know, but if it's won't not can't, then 10 is old enough for toughness. Not nagging though - polite request, not so polite request, warning, then leave the table is what I'd do.

my DS(10) has trouble if he has to use a knife and fork together. if he has to cut anything he holds the fork like he's stabbing the food tbh he's always has a problem but like fithys DS he can manage intricate things with lego. he's writing is appalling unless he really concentrates, which doesn't help because he either gets left behind or he has a hissy fit and refuses to do anything. in saying that he came home with a great school report! we just keep on saying "the food is dead. no need to stab it", if we go hardline he just refuses to eat. i don't mind so much when he's at home, just when we go out. i know as he gets older he'll need to be able to do it properly so i tell him that if he does it properly 9/10 that's ok.

my mum used to be hardcore about stuff like this so the moment i left home i had a ball eating with my elbows on the table, while reading, basically everything that she hated we tell DS that so long as he does it properly when he's out, what he chooses to do at home is up to him. all we have to do is get him to the point that he can be let loose in public.......

Any chance you could turn using a knife and fork into some kind of fun game, rather than just a supper-time ordeal when everyone's hungry and wants to get the meal over and done with? Maybe practising with playdough or something that is easily cut and picked up, and then moving on to more tricky things???

My son (only 4, so not averse to mummy "teaching" him) has low muscle tone and hypermobile joints, which make it harder work for him to master some fine motor skills. He also seems to have a slight issue with motor planning (ie working out for himself how to do things), so I've ended up teaching him, step by step, how to dress himself, including buttons and zips, and have been known to physically hold his hands to show him how to hold and use a knife and fork, or how to angle his spoon to get up the last of the ice cream... He's absolutely fine if he's physically shown how to do things, first - can then practice and practice until he gets good at them. I'm not sure a 10-year old would respond very well to his mother guiding his hands for him when he's trying to eat, though, even if only once or twice!!!!!.....

he just seems to find it all a bit fiddly. can't tie laces properly either (although i'm convinced it's all a ruse to get me to do it. he seems to manage when i'm not here ) but he can build the fiddiliest of lego cars.....

My niece is dyslesic, discalculate, dispraxic etc. She is 16 and still can't coordinate cutlery. Luckily she has learnt to choose food that can be picked up when out - pizza, tandoori chicken, ribs etc. At home she is still messy but hey ho, at least she doesn't have an eating disorder like so many young gals and some of her mates do.

ah well, good to know he is not alone...seems to be a dyslexia/dyspraxia thing then?
Very frustrating though. DH was fit to bust a gasket at restaurant when ds kept helping scooping the ice cream onto his spoon with his little finger. And he didn't even seem to realise he was doing it.

Hope he improves as he gets older, I love eating out