Telling tales / tattling - what do you do about it for a 5 year old?

[jafina]

I have twin boys who are 5.5 and I have recently started getting a constant refrain of "I'm telling!" followed by one of them running through to me and moaning about how their brother messed up their puzzle or kicked them or snatched a book or whatever. Now one of them has also started telling me that at school he often "tells the teacher" when other children are being naughty (very minor league stuff like forgetting to wash their hands etc...).

I think I have probably made the mistake of reacting to it and telling off the other child but I now want to put a stop to it. So any advice on how to stop the unimportant stuff without coming down so hard they never tell me anything??? For example, I am worried about them not telling me if they are being bullied or something. And I also don't want them to become hideously unpopular at school because they are constantly grassing up the other children....

"I don't listen to tittle tattles - go and sort it out for yourselves" worked in our extended family. Bullying is different - but I think you'll know the difference

I don't agree with telling them you're not listening .... my DH tells my DC to stop telling tales, but at this age they have a strong sense of right and wrong and are really just telling you because they know its WRONG !! At this age they don't see it as telling tales or being nasty, they are actually genuinely horrified that someone is behaving this way and getting away with it. Though tbh sometimes I tell my eldest DC to try and sort it out himself in an effort to try and get him to stand up for himself when he's older.

hi Jafina
A behaviour continues because it is being fed/rewarded in some way, I fone of the boys has learned that the other gets into trouble or gets more attention etc then this has beacome his way to get that attention/the upper hand. Dont tell him your not interested, simply choose not to respond when he runs in to say He said/done this/that. change the subject or busy yourself with something, do not feed the behaviour. Be aware that the behaviour may increase before it decreases, this is known as the extintion burst, he will up the anti to try and get the required response, when that response not given the beahviour will cease to exist. Good luck

I always say "is your name in the story you're about to tell me?"

Basically, if it isn't then I say that I want to hear from the person they're talking about.

It has the effect of acknowledging that they want to say something, but makes them stop and think about whether it's their story to tell.

Maybe just try an 'oh dear'.

'he's your brother - he will be for your whole life. go and work out how to get along'

doesn't work, but it stops me stressing about it.

it is a perfectly normal developmental phase btw - dd1 (who is now 8 and well past it) was called 'supergrass' by all my friends for one special summer...