dd21m getting more and more aggressive please please help! getting to the stage where I can't take her anywhere

[peacelily]

up until now she's hit other toddlers when they've tried to take something from her but now she's just doing it randomly and seemingly emotionlessly because she enjoys seeing them cry!

She also extended her repertoire of violence now she scratches, hair pulls and bites as well. I've tried EVERYTHING time out, stern word, distraction etc. I sometimes wish they'd do it back just to teach her a lesson. I've noticed she doesn't do it with older/tougher toddlers which makes me think she's developing into a bit of a bully which is just horrible. I just walk round with a ball of anxiety in my stomach everytime we approach a park/soft play.

She's going to end up a very lonely little girl if she carries on because no one will want to be friends with her. I already feel one of my friends has distanced herself because of dds aggression to her ds, and I don't blame her.

She gets loads of love, non critical positive parenting and clear boundaries and NEVER sees this sort of thing at home, what the hell are we doing wrong and PLEASE what can I do about it???

From what you've discribed, I'd say it's just a phase. She's not mimicing any behaviour. Perhaps she's frustrated because she can't express herself. The fact that she only 'picks' on the smaller ones is, I would imagine, a survival instinct. Non of us would pick a fight with someone bigger than us for obvious reasons!

My DD can be a bit agressive when she's tired, ill or just plane frustrated because I haven't understood her odd toddler ramblings. I really would try hard not to think the worst or be influenced by what others think. She needs you to support her through this tough phase.

Is your friends LO younger? If so she has it to come.

Actually another point. My DD (same age btw) is just starting to recognise emotions so it could be that for her the reaction is intriguing. My DD isn't anywhere near empathising so wouldn't understand how the other child felt but she would know that she was crying and perhaps she'd label it 'sad' but she wouldn't link that in any way to how she feels. It's all about 'me' and I suppose rightly so, like I said, it's survival. The key is how you respond to it. Doing all the right things, apologising to the other child, telling your DD it's wrong to ... etc. For me, that's would i'd expect from another parent of a toddler.

No friends LO is 3 months older, naturally more sensitive he does cry at stuff that really doesn't bother her. He's had his moments but has never been aggressive like this to other dcs.

I know tiredness is a trigger and possessiveness over her stuff and I try to be aware of that.

I try to support her I know she's not being deliberately anything I actually thought ther'd been an improvement recently but today she's been very aggressive repetitively to a friends lo and seemingly for no reason.

kids this age thump each other. sadly there sometimes are thumpers and thumpees. dd was a thumper. she had one friend she particularily enjoyed upsetting - i wanted to die but the mother was wonderful and continued to visit. dd grew out of it. keep a close eye and remove her from any situations with minimum of fuss.

I do make her apologise but the frequency gets ridiculous! She's not like this when there's a few of them about, and is great at the music group i take her to, in fact she can be quite timid and clingy and waits her turn etc. Just other times it's non stop

That's tough. I agree with Sheraz, my DD is more likely the thumpee and although it can be tough watching it but it really is normal and providing the other parent makes the right noises then I just accept it.

apologising doesn;t work for this age
firm 'no' and take her way from the sit
make a fuss of the injured party

DS (20 mo) is worse if bored - I'd say make sure she has plenty of exercise (preferably in the fresh air) and plenty of attention from you and hope it settles down!