Almost 4 YO anger

[Frieda86]

DS is 4 next month, starting in school in Sept.
The last few weeks have been horrendous. Hes angry over the smallest things and then hits his sister. When i pull him away he hits / bites / scratches / pinches me.
If I ask him to do something he does the opposite. If I tell him not to do something he does it while laughing at me.
Hes started taking his seat belt off when im driving and thinks its hilarious.
He only behaves like this for me. Nursery say hes really well behaved and he never physically hurts anyone other than me and his sister.
I know hes anxious about starting school. I dont know if that's driving it.

Could well be - they don't have the tools to express their feelings properly at this age. I posted recently about an extreeeeme patch of dysregulation we've been going through (4.5yo DD), around clothes & general demand avoidance, including night wetting etc & other fun knock-on effects 🙈
Anyway, only a month or so later, and things have improved massively - still some dysregulation and issues, but not nearly as acute as it was, and I do wonder if a big chunk is down to just steadily processing the change internally, plus we've had some positive events with school - a stay & play at reception & first bits of uniform.
Does he have anything visible to relate the school start to, visiting the school, seeing what his day might involve, uniform etc? I think we can easily underestimate what a scary big unknown it can be for them, especially when we know how nice & touchy-feely schools are these days!

I think I would stop mentioning school altogether till he’s just about to go and then start to read him some books like Harry and the Dinosaurs Start School.

Almost 4 is a little late to be biting and hitting his sibling and you in a temper. What have you tried so far? I’d really recommend reading Little Angels and 10 days to a less defiant child.

Thank you for the replies. Ive tried to stop talking about school but its difficult when hes got stay and plsy / settling sessions each week until summer and he goes 2x a week to get his sister.
Ill look at the book recommendations.

Is he not just testing boundaries? What do you do when he's doing all these negative behaviours? Are there warnings of what will happen if he does it again? What are the consequences? Do you follow through?

Regardless of the reasons why the behaviour is unacceptable. Is it after nursery or any day?