To think that the weekends away need to stop now? (Toddler routine)

[peneIope]

It’s sort of an AIBU but I’m hoping for gentle responses! 😄

Long story short - would DH and I BU to stop the weekend visits to family (nearly 2 hours away) now that DD is 20 months old?

Up until recently, DD has been very flexible with changes to her routine. But this weekend has been a shitshow, frankly. We drove up on Friday after work. DD napped for an hour in the car 7-8pm but was then awake til midnight 🤦🏼‍♀️. Slept like crap that night, consequently had a v late nap on Saturday. Then didn’t sleep till gone 10pm last night. All might have been well but for various reasons she didn’t go for her nap today until 3pm! Normally 12pm!

She was pretty grotty and miserable all weekend. Should we now say to wider family that if they want to see her, they have to come to us?

I just think it’s not putting her first by taking her so out of her routine. Routine seems to be getting more and more important the older she gets?

I'm pretty hot on routines, but I also love a weekend and a holiday away..... My second is also a similar age to yours. I do try and schedule things so they are as easy as possible for all of us if we're going away. So, for example, I would never drive at that time because of the risk of such a late nap. My in-laws also live 2 hours away, and we've driven Saturday afternoon during nap time and came back on Sunday afternoon nap time before if she was being particularly pickly, as I'd rather go for a short amount of time and be relaxed than go for longer and sleep be awful. However, I don't think you're being unreasonable to say you're finding it tricky to get there at the moment with her sleep and could they visit you.

As someone who has had two bad sleepers, we've also done things like my DH and eldest driving up late on a Friday night to my in-laws, and me getting the train on the Saturday morning with the little one and then she has a nap there. But I just reread your post - do you do this EVERY weekend??? Personally, not for me! I really like being at home with my two and routine at home is definitely easier. We probs go away for the weekend every 4-6 weeks, sometimes more/less frequently.

I’m very into routine for my toddler and baby, but don’t mind the occasional weekend where the routine is a bit messed up. However, every weekend is wild to me! Also, I’d want time at the weekend to just be me, my partner and baby and go and do fun things together.
You should definitely suggest that people come visit you. Maybe you could say you’ll go to them on the 1st weekend of the month, they can come to you on the 3rd weekend and then on the other weekends you get some time just as your little family.
It might be hard for your family at first as they’re obviously used to you guys making the effort every week. But explain to them how it’s making sleep difficult for you all and it’s not good for your baby to keep being thrown out of routine.

I don’t think I’d drive at that time in the evening either. It’s very much in danger nap territory. Is there a reason that you had to go on the Friday night and not say at 11 on Saturday when she could have had a nap?

Sorry, no it is not every weekend. It is one or two a month!

Why did we travel on the Friday… in hindsight, we shouldn’t have. I think we were thinking ‘let’s get there and then we can wake up there,’ which is usually a nice idea when travelling, but it was the wrong decision. I’ll be honest, I did have my doubts and did ask DH a couple of times if we should leave the following morning instead, but he didn’t want to let his DPs down by messing them around.

I suppose I didn’t really realise until this weekend just how important the routine is to DD. I feel like her needs weren’t put first and I feel bad about that. Who knows how long it’ll take her to get her sleep back to normal. It’s not going to happen again!

I wouldn't feel bad - there's also benefits to seeing family and going off-routine and new experiences and yada yada yada as well :) She'll catch up on sleep soon and hopefully you won't have another painful night like that again! Xx

if you are going twice a month and to the same place this is a nice routine. Just drive later so she can go straight to bed when there, or drive early in the morning. It is a complete pain when you have to plan your life around naps, it’s not forever just for now

I am very much looking forward to the nap being dropped; it’s a right pain to have to work around. She’s never been a crib napper either so I have never had the fabled downtime other parents get from naps! 😄

DD loves to see the extended family but I admit that it’s very hard to put her sleep needs first while we’re there. She didn’t get to have her nap until three hours later than normal yesterday, despite my best attempts, and it really affected her. It’s not fair on her.

Well how often are you going? Once or twice a year I'd say just suck it up. If you are expected to go monthly then start saying you can alternate visits so one month they come to you and then you go to theirs.

It is once or twice a month 😬

Try not to worry, she’ll love seeing her family. Try and stick to her nap times, pop her in the car if that works.