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Advice please, DS 2.10 really testing the boundaries......

11 replies

VirginiaWoolf · 23/06/2008 18:18

DS is very cute, funny, cuddly and imaginative.
He is also very strong willed and difficult to managed at the moment, loads of tantrums etc. We are consistent, praise good behaviour, try to let the little things go and always follow through with sanctions if he's been warned about something.
On the whole, we get by - good days, bad days, you know - he's fine at nursery 2.5 days a week when I work.
The worst issue - and it sounds so trivial! - is the tantrum he flies into when we go to collect DD from school 3 times a week. Today was the worst ever, he absolutely refused to leave the house, wouldn't have his shoes on, wouldn't get into the car, and then repeatedly undid his seatbelt as soon as I'd battled him back into his seat (he's a big chap, 99th centile height and weight). - The whole time screaming "No!" - although I think he'd forgotten what he was saying no to. It was awful. I had to phone DH and ask him to phone the school to say we would be late (didn't want school to hear the screams!).
Anyway, I feel that this situation is out of control, and that I'm the worst mum in the world. Don't know how to approach it, have tried all sorts of things, building adventures into the trip etc but he's not having any of it. I should add that he actually gets on well with DD, they play well together and he loves the playground, seeing friends etc, it's not that he has a terrible time!
I'm reading this and am struck by how pathetic it sounds; but he is really getting me down.

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
VirginiaWoolf · 23/06/2008 19:03

Please? Am really struggling here.

OP posts:
SoupKitchen · 23/06/2008 19:07

Do you think he is resentful that he has to give up his time with you and share you with his sister?

Can you give him some warning that you will be leaving in a short time to go and get dd so its not an uproot from activity and go.

SoupKitchen · 23/06/2008 19:08

BTW this no way makes you th worst mum in the world you obviously care about ds very much or you wouldn't be posting

ontheup · 23/06/2008 19:09

You dont sound pathetic I can imagine it really grinds you down.

I dont have many words of wisdom except to ask whether you have tried reverse psychology on him? My DS (2,25) is also v strong willed but the best way to get him to do what you want is to pretend you don't care. If I badger him ('come on darling, off we go' etc etc) he digs his heels in. If I don't and say instead 'Mummy is going to sit down/tidy up/ read this book - when you are ready to come with me come and get me' then go into the next room (with door open so i can keep an ear on him) he trots in within a minute and comes like a lamb. Works about 70% of the time. Good luck!!

ChirpyGirl · 23/06/2008 19:22

Do you need to use the car? can you take a buggy and let him walk for a bit?
If not I have found now that DD (2.5) will sit in the seat happily now I have a backseat organiser thing as she can reach all her stuff, it does mean I have raisins/water/books/aquadraw/crayons/pads etc etc all over the car regularly but that's a small price...

ChirpyGirl · 23/06/2008 19:23

Oh, and not trivial, not pathetic and definately not worst mum, you are just a normal mum of a toddler!

VirginiaWoolf · 23/06/2008 21:19

Thank you all for kind words - it was odd seeing my woes in print, did seem to make it trivial and yet it is grinding me down. I guess it is about power, and setting the agenda - but he makes me feel so powerless (and no, I'm far from a control freak but I do like to feel that the grown ups are in some sort of control!)
Talking of grown-ups, my mum phoned earlier and listened to my tale of woe before saying, "Oh dear, but that's really naughty, what on earth are you going to do??? You and your sister were never like that......."

Breathes.......
And reaches for a drink.

OP posts:
ontheup · 23/06/2008 21:57

a large drink I hope let us know how you get on tomorrow....

TeeBee · 23/06/2008 22:03

Ha, ha, I bet you were!

Do you think he would enjoy cleaning the car? Maybe make a big deal of collecting cloths and polish (for some reason they all love polish!!) and clean the inside of the car just before you have to do pick up. THen maybe get him to sit in his carseat to clean it. Then straps on, ready to go. Both of mine did it - it is NOT really naughty, it is normal (but does leave you needing very stiff drink). I also used to have a tasty snack ready while carrying them to the car. Then I didn't mention going anywhere then just say...ooh, do you want these lovely raisons? Okay, sit down then (in car seat of course). Or else singing his favourite song like a maniac plus raisons, then distract like mad until in car seat.

VirginiaWoolf · 23/06/2008 22:48

Excellent ideas, lots for me to consider here. Have distracted myself this evening by helping DH paint the lounge ceiling ()and feel slightly less awful about it all now. Will see how we get on on Wednesday, at least I get a day off from it tomorrow! (work)
Someone tell me that all this will pass......
Although I suppose I have got the example of DD, nearly 5, to prove that point (lovely, funny, clever, petulant, demanding, self-centred.....)
Breathes again.
Reaches for chocolate....

OP posts:
duvet · 24/06/2008 15:38

Oh it's horrible when you're going through it tho, stressful times - i have them with my dd 2.8 yeah chocolate always helps!!

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