Seven year old boys ... tell me what kind of behaviour you expect from them and do you thing going to Scouts is a good thing?

[suzywong]

We feel that I as a woman have taught ds1 all I can in terms of values and ethics and discipline etc and now it is time for him to look to an older boy or other male outside our family for his role model. DH supports me in this.

It alll kicked off today because he threw a stone at close range in the face of a 4 yr old friend of ds2's who was visiting because "the boy wouldn't be quiet"

Needless to say I went utterly mental and did the old fake phone call to the policeman to get him to come round and tell him off, I wouldn't let him come inside for lunch and gave it to him outside and I ranted a lot at him. Eventually when I calmed down I made him write out an account of what happened with details of the consequences and what he had achieved. He got it all. He understands that it was wrong and that he acted without thinking and that it cannot happen again. So far so good

But DH and I think he needs to be more with older boys and learn exactly how to put this into practise and to toe the line in a pack of boys. I must say while I think his school is great, I can't help thinking that his middleaged lady teachers are not ideal role models for a boy which why I 'm looking in to extra carricular activity.

So DH has enrollled him in a martial arts class as of Saturday and I want him to start scouts next week.

What is your 7 year old like and do you feel that between you you have reached the next stage in parenting and some outside input would help?

I need to think about this - I have a 7 year old and I think he still has a lot to gain from life within the family - not quite sure I'm ready to have him turned over to someone else just yet! He is still a very little boy in my opinion.

Oh, and just so you know, he's too young for scouts - he'll be a Beaver until he's 8, then a Cub, then a Scout at 10/11. So, although Beavers are fabulous and fun they probably won't give him much older boy input.

thanks seeker, but they can start scouts at 7.5 over here

I don't mean to hand him over to someone else, but I think he could benefit a great deal from being with older role models outside me and his dad (whom he utterly worships)

And to add about the beavers side of things, you'll probably find that the leaders are female anyway.
However it does teach them to survive without you, and to act as a team. Not sure you would be able to get him straight into beavers either. Ours has a long waiting list.
Could dh do some one to one things with him?

We are in Australia and the scouting thing is a bit differently structured here

DH and I have agreed to have one on one with each child on saturday and sunday mornings, dh is a super hands on dad and does a great deal with ds1.

So how would you describe your 7 year old boys?

Suzy- horrible for you and for ds really. I do believe that boys get so much from this sort of activity. My ds went to an odd Joeys whilst we were in NSW but it gave him a space to work out what was acceptable and what wasn't. He learned to do as he was told and that good things happened if he could toe the line and exist in a bigger group.
I think it sounds like he is really ready for some structured activities like Joeys/ Scouts. What about Little Athletics.. that's one where the family can get involoved. Good luck.
What I'm trying to say is that I actually think that the people ds has met at Joeys, football, cricket etc have had a huge impact on him and his behaviour in the last 18 months, and all for the positive.

sorry x posted. If I had to describe ds aged 7-
intelligent inquisitive determined physical persistent stubborn frustrated.. sometimes
affectionate ( but only to key people) totally unbothered by what others think if him

aarrgghh.. oven timer going for my cake

Thanks Robinpud.
It is such an important part of being a male over here isn't it?

DS1 has had some gross motor issues (very uncoordinated and dare I say clumsy) while ds2 at 4.5 has been snapped up in to a boys high performance gymnastics programme so we don't want to make too much of the polarity between their athletic abilites. Which is why I think scouts would be great for him too, running around and some motor skills but not the main focus.

Are you stilll in NSW or back in Blightlly now?

My 7 year old boy - physical, cuddly, funny, physically brave, sporty, story loving, loves poo and willy jokes. Grown up in lots of ways, but still needing reassurance, support and nurturing from me and dp and dd. Loving, imaginative, cheeky. Sometimes doesn't know when to stop. Thoughtful, prone to nightmares and has to watch Dr Who from behind a cushion and 3 people. Bonkers.

Sadly, back in Blighty now. Yes, I think it is a very important part of being male.I'm not a great reader of parenting books but did read a sentence of a Steve Biddulph book once when ds was being a pain and it stated the importance of offering boys a plethora of male role models.
I would try and get him involved in a range of activities and see which ones he enjoys. Are they swimming? Can he do Nippers? I think Scouts is excellent and will do him loads of good. I think there are more men involved in it there and they are less Health and Safety obsessed, thank god, than they are here. What about indoor climbing.. that's macho and might be a good place for him to develop his co-ordination?
Ds is currently heavily into chess, we just enjoy his enthusiasms and have tried to nurture his talents and allow him to try lots of differnt activities. He has changed immeasurably since his 6th birthday.

funny-loves jokes, physical, brave, much more affectionate than ever before-but to those close to him only, quite knowing, cheeky at times, tendency to say he is bored! developing empathy and generally knid to others. I love love this age.

But also cherish his gentle, nurturing side. That's an important part of being a man too!

I think your ds would benefit from scouts/beavers or whatever. Regardless of whether you have a particular issue you want to address, it can be no bad thing for him to mix and work with all different types of people.

Ds1 is 7 and he goes to Beavers - it's very disciplined, which I like, and he is starting to learn all sorts of 'boy' life skills - I think it's brilliant. He is doing all sorts of things he wouldn't normally do and I think they do mix with older boys because beavers and cubs go to camp together etc.

My 7 year old is bright, articulate, logical, conscientious, sweet, thoughtful, affectionate, sporty, energetic, loyal (defends his brothers). He is totally non-aggressive. He will rough and tumble with his brothers but he would never get into scrapes at school, hit anyone etc. It's just not his nature.

suzy - ds1 is almost 6 so younger than your ds1 - but they sound quite similar. I feel ds1 needs 'something else' outside of the family. He is getting very 'physical' with ds2 (who, like your ds2 is agile, sporty, etc). DS1 also HATES it when things are hard. He is bright at school despite being the youngest in his class and it comes easy to him but he doesn't try. This has become more apparent recently - he got moved up to the next class in swimming and is the youngest and weakest and he all but gave up until we had stern/supportive words. Also he is desperate to ride his bike without stabilisers and we have spent time the last couple of weekends to help him but he wants to give up straight away. I keep pushing him (not sure whether that is the right thing to do!) but he needs to experience what it is like not to be the best and feel reward for his efforts.

He needs to burn off more energy too.....

Watching with interest to thsi trhead

My 7 year old is quite easy-going by nature, he is prone to whinginess and whining at the moment. He is happy to surreptitiously punish his sister (with a squeeze or a push) if he thinks he'll get away with it. He can be quite selfish in terms of not sharing HIS stuff (crisps, sweets) whereas his younger sister will at all times. But I don't think he is willfully violent and would strop off rather than hurt someone I think.

I try to let peer pressure play its part .. but really when you're generally ok with their behaviour you do see the bad behaviour as being another child's fault and a learned response .. yeah I know that's pants, but you do

He does martial arts on a saturday and woodcraft (hippy version of scouts) too .. and has just been on an overnight camp-out with his group (about 10 mins down the road in the scouting camp at the woods ) .. go for it Suzw

popsy - we have the same problem with ds1 as you do with your ds1. Because he is bright and most things come easily to him, he gives up very easily on things if they don't happen first time and he hates, hates, hates accepting help with things (e.g. trying to give him new ways to learn his tables or asking probing questions about a story he is reading to develop his comprehension).

THe only thing we've told him so far is that when we were his age we always got help from our parents so that he doesn't feel it's a 'failing' just on his part! Sometimes it helps, sometimes not.

That sounds like a good idea, GDG. Sounds dreadful that I kind of want him to find something difficult - but I also want him to feel the satisfaction of working hard at something and 'getting it'. The time I was most proud was when he got 'handwriter of the week' at school. His handwriting is appalling and he had never got a certifcate (three get given per week after handwriting practice) and he said he was going to 'give it til Easter then give up' and finally, he got one! He was so chuffed! Anyway - I am hijacking!

Sounds like you dealt with the stone thing really well. He would very likely love scouts. Most of the 6 and 7 year olds over here who go to beavers think its great.

no worries, Popsy you can highjack one of my threads anytime

DS1 is the same, he often complains school is boring, he is very bright - I have recently got on his case with the teachers and they say he is not working on his full potential and does the giving up if it's too hard thing and has awful handwriting.

So we are on the case, he's a dear little boy, I think that's my issue, I see him as a little boy, my little boy and he's a medium boy who needs to find his feet in the wider world.

hello Twig

I would also describe ds1 as, observant, memory like an elelphant, very sensitive, eager to please, lacking in stamina, gives up easily if things seem to hard - but he is an origami whizz and can follow detailed 30 step diagramatic instructions, bookish, happy, funny, caring, affectionate, stubborn, whingey, good natured but with a mean streak if things don't go his way, responds well to praise.

Anyway ... scouts and martial arts it is.

thanks for the support, jangly.
I 'm now feeling utterly awful just remembering the sight of ds1 sitting in the garden head in hands and full of remorse and sadness. but I had to bolllock him.

DH has been tremendouslly supportive alll day, I emailed him about my strategy and also to calm me down as I can go psycho quite easily with dear little ds1.

Can't wait to hear him say "dib-dib-dob"

scoutmasters aren't all kiddy fiddlers are they?

"scoutmasters aren't all kiddy fiddlers are they?"

OH, FFS!

I thought this was an interesting thread about raising boys. Obviously not.

You don't know me very well, do you seeker?

I don't know you at all, of course.

I've asked for this thread to be pulled now. Not worth keeping on the board

Thank you for everyone who listened and gave support

Bizarre reaction. Apologizing for a crass remark and carrying on with an interesting discussion would have been a much more sensible thing to do!