Sorry for a potentially long post - as I’m sure will come across, I’m a very anxious FTM!!
My son is just 7 months, born full term, completely uncomplicated pregnancy/birth.
There are lots of things that are going well for us. He is exclusively breastfed (has never taken a bottle) and has always fed very well. He’s taken to solids brilliantly - happy to be spoon fed and will feed himself finger foods. He’s physically healthy, never any problems with reflux, never vomits, no allergies. He has been sitting unsupported since 6 months and can roll from his front to his back. He can bear weight on his legs (supported). He recognises familiar people and shows real joy when he sees them, also smiles (shyly) at strangers. He giggles at funny noises/tickles/games like Peek a Boo. He reaches for toys, grabs them, bangs two toys together, passes them from hand to hand, brings everything (EVERYTHING!) to his mouth. He can ‘play’ with toys a bit (like shaking a rattle) though it’s mainly mouthing. He puts his toes in his mouth. He smiles at himself in the mirror and reaches out to bat at his reflection.
But there are also a lot of things that I’m finding increasingly worrying. Physically, he is under a paediatrician due to his very large head circumference (they attempted an MRI but he woke up so it couldn’t be completed - we are seeing the paediatrician in July to discuss next steps). His head is on the 99.8th centile vs weight and height on around the 20th. I’m not sure if it’s related, but his gross motor development is uneven. He can almost roll onto his front, but can’t do the final step of getting his arm out from under him/lifting his head. He still has a (very mild) head lag when pulled to sit. He is nowhere near crawling, pulling himself to standing or sitting up from lying down. He hates being on his front and, though he can push himself on elbows/arms, he gets tired very quickly and puts his head back down. He won’t play on his front or pivot around.
I’m also very worried about his language development. He does make noises - squeaks, squeals, pretends to cough, grunts - but he’s a fairly quiet baby overall. A couple of weeks ago I spent a lot of time modelling making a ‘muh’ sound to him, and he did start saying ‘muh’, ‘muh-muh’ and ‘mum’, but he only did it for a few days and hasn’t done it at all for the last two weeks. He has never made another consonant sound (no ba, da, ga) never really gurgled, never blown a raspberry. He makes a whining/humming sound whenever he is not happy (which is quite a lot of the time!!) He also doesn’t know the meaning of any words as far as I can tell but don’t know if that’s expected yet.
In terms of his social/communication development I feel he is different to other babies. He doesn’t really attempt to imitate us at all. He will smile back (often) but doesn’t imitate other facial expressions. He doesn’t really imitate noises. He doesn’t imitate actions. If I call his name, it’s hit and miss whether he responds, and hard to know whether he is responding to his name or just the sound of my voice. Sometimes I am right next to him saying his name and he shows no response. He doesn’t reach up his arms to be picked up, doesn’t look where I point/look, doesn’t have gestures like waving/pointing/clapping (though aware it’s a bit early for these).
Sometimes I feel that he doesn’t have any real attachment to me as his mum. He doesn’t seem to mind if I leave him briefly to go to the loo etc., and doesn’t have any separation anxiety that I’ve noticed. He makes eye contact while breastfeeding but doesn’t get distracted by it or attempt to ‘chat’ while feeding as I know some babies do. I read about babies being absolutely focused on their mothers and I just don’t identify with that at this point.
He also has an idiosyncratic way of making eye contact. He often looks at someone, smiles, then looks away, almost like he is playing a cheeky game. He will repeat this looking towards/away a few times. The turning away tends to feel very deliberate - he really turns his head determinedly. But at other times he can make eye contact for long periods, and he will reach out to touch familiar faces/put his face up to ours.
Temperament-wise, he’s not what I would describe as a placid or particularly contented baby. He’s very sensitive and quite easily upset - and always lets us know when he is upset!! His sleep is appalling and always has been. We have tried some gentle sleep training a couple of times and he always responds quite well, but then after a couple of weeks he regresses. He still feeds a lot in the night. 99% of naps are 30 minutes exactly. He acts tired a lot of the time but I don’t know how to make him sleep more…
I am on maternity leave so spend the most time with him, but he also spends a lot of time with my husband, my mum and my sister, none of whom feel that there is anything amiss with him. I am the first to admit that I have a very anxious temperament and struggled with health anxiety prior to having a baby. I think I also have a level of postnatal depression. Life has been difficult recently as my husband has had health problems and I have obviously had very little sleep since my son was born, so I am not at my most robust. I have not spent much time around other babies for the last few months as I found that whenever I went to baby groups I was spending the whole time comparing my son to others and was leaving feeling really upset and drained. This means I don’t really know how much of what my son is doing/not doing is normal for 7 months - I feel like he could be within a normal range or severely delayed and I’m not sure I would really know…
I know the ASQ is often recommended and I have found two versions online, both of which I have gone through. I don’t think he scores in the grey or black in any single area - and the second questionnaire just gave a cut off score above which a referral should be made, and he scored just below the cut off. But I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something wrong.
I’m just wondering if anyone can give any insight into how this picture sounds. I’ve heard a lot of people say that you should trust your gut when it comes to mothering, but I think that’s tricky when you have anxiety. I know my gut has told me many things about my son already that have turned out not to be true. So I struggle to differentiate between instinct/intuition and paranoia.
I would be really grateful for any insights.