20mo biting and clawing at me, very upset - and very upsetting!

[Feelingshocked26]

Is this the start of ‘toddler tantrums’ or could it be something more?

DH and I were just playing with DS, 20 months. He’d done a poo so DH set up the nappy change mat. I then told DS we needed to change his nappy. Cue an absolute distraught DS. Clawing at my face and neck, trying to bite me and so on.

I kept saying things like, we don’t bite, kind hands, I know this is a big feeling etc, but it didn’t help. I reached for a soft toy to see if he’d bite that instead but he wasn’t really interested. I lay him down on the changing mat and he was crying and so upset until it was over.

DH is now shellshocked and it made me want to cry!

How do we deal with this? He has scratched and bit a couple of times recently when frustrated, but this was another level 😢

Toddler tantrum. He is hot and didn't want to have his happy changed. Totally normal.

Saying "we don't bite, kind hands" etc is really not going to get through to him when he's in the middle of a tantrum - he won't even have heard you, let alone connected it with his behaviour. Best thing I always found was just to get on and change the nappy as quickly as possible, then have a cuddle afterwards.
You will never manage to reason with a toddler in a strop that he'll then lie down and just let you change it, and it needs doing.
Once he's quiet and cuddling, tell him that you love him and when he's dirtied his nappy he needs it changing or he'll get sore. He may listen to that.

But getting on and doing it quickly, is easier for them, because once it's done, that's it, whereas if you try reasoning, you're just prolonging it.

Thank you for the reassurance and the tips. I will try that next time.

I suppose my worry is that he will start doing it at nursery too.

I agree that far too much language for his age, he simply won’t understand what you’re saying.

If you’re worried about him starting to lash out at Nursery, you could talk to his Key Worker to see if she has any concerns? You might be worrying over nothing and it could be that he behaves perfectly there