18-month-old has been miserable her whole life

[Mumof2monkeys2]

My 18 month old daughter is unbelievably miserable, she came out crying and has cried every. single. day. since. It’s got to the point where I struggle to function and live and do any kind of daily tasks as if she’s not being held by me or climbing on me she’s crying/moaning. It’s soul destroying.

She will have brief 5 minutes of laughter with my eldest before plunging straight back into misery. My firstborn was an actual angel in comparison.

Through out her 18 months she’s had 3 separate periods about 2 weeks long each where she’s changed into another child. A happy, smiley, joyous baby. It’s incredible to see. (Usually when she’s just learned a new skill) But this quickly fades every time and we are plunged back to misery.

Im literally out of ideas as what to do. I spend my day being a jester and trying to entertain her inside the house and out and about while she is on the verge of a sobbing melt down and I’m trying to keep her off the edge. It’s awful.

Not sure if it’s relevant but she was late to roll over, sit up and crawl and she’s 18 months and doesn’t walk. She’s been having physio since about 10 months as she has very flexible hips so lower half movement takes more work. Her motor skills on the top half and her communication is exactly where it should be for 18 months, so not worried there. We do have a review in the coming weeks with the specialist as she’s hit 18 months and doesn’t walk yet so they can decide if they want to do scans to rule out things like CP. (I don’t think she has CP she can walk holding my hands and can nearly pull herself up to stand by herself but I’m happy for them to check)

Honestly I’m not really sure what I’m looking for by posting this. Maybe ideas? Support? Reasons why? All I know is that I’m absolutely gutted that my daughter is living a miserable life, all I want for her is happiness and I feel like a failure every day. I also wanted another baby but that is no longer in the plans. I couldn’t sensibly have another child when one I already have is so miserable. It wouldn’t be fair to her or my eldest or to a new baby.

When you say misery do you just been grumpy or crying/in pain? There could be an underlying issue.

On the other hand she might just be a grumpy baby. I have ZERO photos of me as a baby smiling. Every one of them is me looking like im chewing a wasp...

It didnt last - i was actually a very happy child in primary school. The loud one!

Ah sorry OP, that sounds so tough. As PP said, could she be uncomfortable? How does she eat? Any dietary issues? Is she at home with you every day or does she go to nursery? I wonder if another setting where she was distracted/had to fit in might help? It would also give you a break!

thanks for your reply. She starts off moaning and if she doesn’t get picked up it escalates to winging and then if she’s told shh by anyone it turns into a screaming melt down. I wouldn’t say she’s in pain because she can very quickly snap out of it either by picking her up, offering her a snack, juice, particular toy etc but when the snack/juice is gone or the toy is boring (a few minutes later) we start all over again

Thankyou for your reply. She eats well with no dietary issues or intolerances and she sleeps (now) too.

She isn’t at nursery. I have taken time off work, like I did with her sister, to be at home together.

She’s definitely worse behaved when I’m around. She could be playing happily with my husband and as soon as I walk into a room she’s reaching for me and if I don’t go to her the melt down starts, even if I talk to her and say I’ll be over in a second.

I have thought about sending her to nursery but I feel so guilty because I didn’t have children to pay someone else to care for them. I adore my girls, they are my world and I want to spend this time together. I just can’t seem to make her happy.

I'm sorry OP that sounds really hard. There's nothing wrong with sending her to nursery, it would give you a break and it could be good for her to get used to being with other people. It doesn't need to be full time if you don't want

I agree o think nursery could actually be good for her. Even jaut a few days a week

My DC2 was happy, still is, just as long as her every whim is catered for. I had to parent in a very different way than I did my first.

I also had to dismiss thoughts like, well they shouldn’t need picking up constantly and think, well, this little one does need that physical contact so how can I make it more comfortable for both of us?

I would push for the scans of her hips as that’s pretty standard if they’re not walking by 18 months.

i would also do the 18 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stages, just to see how she scores

How are you getting in today @Mumof2monkeys2? Hoping she’s not more miserable in the heat

You are right about adopting a totally different way of parenting. She needs to be closer to me all the time, right next to me so she can physically touch me. I can do this a lot of the time and obviously provide reassurance when we are somewhere new or meeting new people but other times it’s not possible (car seat, doing house work etc)

The 18 months sheet is extremely helpful! I’m going to fill it in over dinner. Thankyou for sending that over!

Her consultant follow up is in 2 weeks time so I’m going to tell them she is still a very miserable child. The reason we are even under a consultant is because we went to A&E when she was about 8/9 months because I thought there was something very wrong. She was screaming constantly and arching her back and having seizure type movements and just wouldn’t stop. We were abroad when it first happened and went to hospital there and they couldn’t find anything wrong with her. We came home and went straight to A&E and they couldn’t find anything conclusive other than a high white blood count so possibly a recent infection so treated with antibiotics. Luckily the seizures stopped but she remained unhappy. We also got referred to physio at this time and regular blood tests etc but all clear.

She does love to learn and when she’s praised her whole face lights up so I try encourage everything and anything she does. It’s just really hard to remain positive and be needed all day every day with no time for myself or to do any house jobs.

The heat doesn’t actually seem to be bothering her which is a nice surprise. I guess all I can do is keep going, keep doing her exercises and see if she’s any happier when she can walk

I think I would be tempted to give a dose of calpol and see if it makes any difference. If they are used to pain or discomfort, it doesn't necessarily present quite how you would think. DD2 has persistent reflux, and more than once I thought she was just in a tricky mood, demanding, grumpy, etc. until I directly asked if her chest and throat hurt.

Of course, it could also be frustration at what she can't do or just personality, but with her hypermobility, I'd want to rule out something physical.