As a parent, what is your gut feeling about nature/nurture?

[deanychip]

Dont know if you have read any of my recent posts, but i had a HUGE falling out with my sis recently.

she insists that my boy is the way he is because of me and my parenting.
i am adamant that it is 90% personality, 10% my parenting.

what do you think about this based on your experience?

I think personality is 100% nature

Value system is 100% nurture

wow, really agree with what you said Bink...!

IMO basic personality traits is 100% nature (e.g introvert/extrovert, neurotic/laid back, shy/gregarious).
How well you cope with those traits is partly nurture

big discussion from me sorry!!!!
ds1 nature - highly gifted and from birth BUT I know how we brought him up and cared for him ( I was single parent til he was 6 then met DP) his dad played an active loving part of his life. Still does. Ds1 is 14 now.

Dd- was born with noonan syndrome. Essentially she had global delays from birth. Walked at 26mths non verbal until 36 mths. Very nearly died as a baby from heart conditions but now aged 5.5yrs she is also on gifted register talks like she never ever had a problem. Physically... More minor issues. But doctors told me my/our nurturing of her and our parenting attributed to her "success"
however I can argue that dd was born with a personality and character, that essentially remembers and smiles. This is not from nurture as I am grumpy biatch! She has carved her own way as she has a certain way of approaching things and this is deffo nature!
anyway thats part 1

I love nature nurture discussions
I think nature plays a more dominant role but also believe nurture can override nature. As lack of nurture has shown...

oh meant to add ds2 15 mths
obsessed with wheels from the off...
early walker talker
not as sensible/cautious as his siblings...

I haven't tried to develop my boys into boys I think they did that on their own, to an extent, and my dd is so much more tender to dollies gives cuddles as opposed to pokes eyes..... however I think 50/50 nature/nurture. I think this as when I see other people's children in Plastic shite 'r' us, which is littered with parents slapping, swearing and shouting at their children you can see the nurture in front of your eyes. But the differences in my own dcs mean nature plays a part too!!

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I think it's 50/ 50. Obviously, some children are harder work due to the 50% nature, we as parents recognise that they are harder work and possibly parent them differently. My sister was a very hard work child and as a consequence, was parented very differently to my brother and I. Often we used her as the scape goat and she always got into more trouble as she was always 'problematic'. In the end none of it seems to matter though as she's grown up to be fab and one of my best friends.

am impressed that good nurture makes the most out of identifying your childs nature and nurturing it according to their needs...

Mulberry, my psychologist son says it's nature, with nurture laid on top, lol.

I think a baby's basic personality is there when it's born. Certainly, all four of mine, three of whom are grown up, still have the basic nature they were born with.

I think that the type of nurturing will channel and develop the natural aspects of personality.

Mmmm - i think its definitely both, and my personal opinion is that its mainly nature with a huge influence of nurture.

I also completely disagree that siblings are 'brought up the same'. I know that i have raised all mine differently in the early years as MY values and beliefs have changed. I listened far too much to others in the early years with dd1 whereas now (on dd3) I trust my instinct and follow my child rather than try to impose structure and 'routine' ...very different early years for each of them (to dd1's detriment i believe )

i reckon 50/50

I'm adopted.

I am completely different from my adopted family in personality and talents. I was adopted into an academic family.

I studied a caree in design, completely different from my adopted family. When I met my bm, she told me my birth father was at art school, and her mother showed a real flair in the area of design I followed.

I was totally different, and my particular skills were not known in my adopted family, so weren't really noticed or encouraged. Nature came out in the end............

i had always believed in nurture over nature, but then at age 17 i met my dad, and we are so alike its scary. the way we walk, our temperament, our sense of humour. it waa literally like looking at a male version of me!

bit of both.

I think that research in this area (while wholly inconclusive) has indicated that identical twins brought up separately are much more likely to be similar in terms of personality traits than randomly selected individuals from the same environments. Likewise, there is a greater similarity for siblings raised apart (although less than for twins) and some studies on adopted children show that by adulthood, adopted siblings share no more personality traits than random strangers.

I think "nature" over simplifies it and it is probably true that environmental factors influence the way that certain innate characteristics develop so parenting clearly does make a difference in many ways. I think for example that you can have two equally agressive children, but one may be taught ways to channel and deal with the agression and one will not - only one will appear as an agressive adult.

Dh is one of adopted siblings and I can honestly say that there are no points of similarity between him and his sibling although they are very close in age.

I have reached a point where I no longer profess to know or express any opinions on parenting. Because things seem to happen regardless of what I do or expect. And I actually think that's good because children are not clay to be moulded.

i kind of like the idea that nature is a bigger part of it.
feels like less of a responsibility on my shoulders to Get It All Right.

I loved Bink's post.

Db is adopted and we always assumed that the problems he had with temper and moodiness were due to his traumatic early years= nurture. Now that his son is growing up, it is obvious that the personality itself is inherited.

On the other hand, what my nephew does with the temper he has is totally different. I basically don't think it's going to be anything as difficult for him to overcome.

My db is a very good Dad who has made sure that his son is growing up in a secure environment. I think my nephew will benefit from the intelligence and sensitivity that goes with his personality type, without having to suffer from its drawbacks.

I firmly believe nature to be the larger part, if not 70/30 then at least 60/40.
My first husband died when DS was a baby and yet my DS now has identical handwriting and he has the same gestures, these are both things that he didn't see. He also has remarkably similar attitudes.
Nurture is important but it can only mould was is already there. I can't remember which author it was unfortunately, but I read an article on him and he said that he was adopted by a Plymouth Brethren couple but that he had fought against the religion with every bit of his being from the earliest age. A different personality would have been a compliant member of the sect.

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I agree with Bink's post and you have to work with the personality of the DC. If ever DS1 was very annoyed and upset I could get through to him with humour, this was the worst possible approach with DS2.

50/50 I think you have personality traits, but you can also be 'trained'.

Example. My kids are autistic. They have certain behaviours (oh lordie do they! )
Nature.
We teach/train/encourage/crack the whip and help them to function in a more appropriate way.
Nurture.