my son misbehaving totally

[mata]

I don't know what to do, my son just turned 4 and for the last 2 months his behavior has worsened tremendously. He started by using naughty words that he claims he learn from one kid in school. I asked the teacher to keep him away from that kid, and constantly spoke to him regarding naughty words. Then the last 2 weeks he has been throwing things at everyone including me, spilling every thing , saying bad words, and he seems totally impossible. I talk to him at night and he promises he will behave and next day no change. He also has decided he hate school.... Any advise...

The problem we had is slightly different but the results are fantasic.
My DS1 was a very bad eater, sometimes eating the same in a whole day as my DS2 would eat in a single meal often it wouldn't even be that much.
However over the last few weeks he has eaten virually every bit of ever meal we've given him and quite often he asks for lunch at about 10am and dinner equally as early.
The amazing change in his appetite is down to Jaffa cakes! Both of my children but DS1 in particular love them and would probably swap me and daddy for a single packet! We have a deal that if he eats his breakfast/lunch/dinner he can have one or two and he loves this arrangement.
It's been so nice not having to worry about how little he eats as he now eats such a lot I wonder where he fits it all. Okay so jaffa cakes are probably not the best thing to eat but after almost 4 years of battles at meal times I don't mind too much.
I think this is called a bribe( )and if it works for my DS it could work for yours giving him a little incentive to get dressed before you come out of the bathroom. Is there anything he loves to eat? Or if he likes to do something abit my costly, you could start a star chart and if he gets himself dressed he get a couple of stars, once he's got to a certain amount of stars he can have the the treat that he's been earning the stars for.
Hope this helps, I'm sure lots of people will suggest a star chart as they really work.

This advise could work here but I meant to post it on the 'getting dressed in the morning...help I'm going to explode' tread in the parenting topic.
Doh!!

Hi Mata
Has he just started a new school? I think children all react very differently to that, but its certainly stressful for them. My ds1 was really ready to start reception and settled in very well, luckily. By dd is the most easygoing and sweet child, and basically has almost never had tantrums except for in her first few months at school. I think she was physically exhausted, and trying so hard to be good at school, that there was no energy for any good behaviour when she came home.
It sounds like yr son is finding school hard for some reason. Have you spoken to his teacher? I dont mean about that particular boy, but about his general progress? Maybe s/he wd have an idea about what is upsetting him? If he says he hates school, its important to try and find out why as he's so little, it would be awful if he was put off school now.I would suggest that you ask for an appointment so that you can sit down together quietly (Ideally without yr son there) and really try to find out whats wrong. The teacher should be keen to help if his behaviour is not good. If you dont get anywhere, then talk to the Head.
I think, and hope that the bad language etc seems exciting to him because its new to him. If its only one particular child using bad language, with any luck yr son will get to make other friends who behave better and have a positive influence on each other. Hope this helps, good luck

Mata I don't know whether this helps or whether it will send you into even more depths of despair but we have had quite a few challenges with our DD. She is now 4.5 and in a kindergarten which she loves and is slowly becoming more of the child that I know is in there. But for some time we have had quite aggressive behaviour from her - aimed mainly at us and at other children and losts of throwing things. Most of this was when she was in a nursery which just didn't really suit her and her personality. I don't know (or care) whether this is being over indulgent but I do think that some children - especially those with "big personalities"- have problems conforming to the rules and restrictions of school.
With respect to your DS promising to behave I really don't think they are able to keep these sorts of promises at 4. My daughter will promise the world but then the next time she meets a trigger for her loss of control she just goes ahead and repeats the same behaviour. I also found that by talking to her about her behaviour just made an issue of it and in fact made things worse. Her teacher at school told us that its just all words to them at this age and they just can't take it in - even if they give the impression that they have. She has slowly managed to completely turn our DD around so that she still has incidents where she hits out but now its completely within the norm and only when she is frustrated or angry about something specific. She has done this purely by being calm and gentle and loving towards her ESPECIALLY when she has "misbehaved". No words, no explanations no nothing. Just sitting her on her lap and waiting for her to get over whatever it was that she did.
Talking to this teacher it does seem to be a difficult age in itself and then with school added to the equation can tip some children over the edge. Certainly, in the case of my DD, less lecturing her on her behaviour and more calmly seeing her through her moments of anger and frustration have completely changed her ( in about 4 months). Hope this doesn't make things worse for you. (Of course she could just have grown out of the difficult stage and its nothing to do with her new teacher or our new approach!!!)

I also think school seems to have been a trigger. I would speak to the nicest teacher and try to find out what's going on that's making him so stressed. he's very young for school, and he might need a lot of babying out of school to help him feel safe. I think you should stop talking to him about his misbehaviour at night as this may mean he will go to bed feeling that you disapprove of him. Instead, I'd keep this as a very special, cuddly time when you just tell him how much you love him and what a precious boy he is. He may surprise you by trying to live up to your image of him! I also suspect he feels bad about himself and his behaviour at the mo, wants to behave differently but just can't. I know you are doing the best thing you can because you love him, but constantly talking to him about he bad words is probably backfiring. I'd simply ignore them totally. But praise him a lot when he says anything at all nicely. I suspect he feels out of his depth at school and needs a lot of support right now. As do you, of course.

My son is 8 and has been diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5. He also suffers with excema and psoriasis and has a wheat and dairy allergy. He is very sad and behaves badly resulting in him being excluded from school at lunch times. I want to get him statemnented but this is proving a real struggle. I've tried various stratergies suggested by doctors, support teams etc but nothing seems to work.I'm reaching the end of my tether .Is there anyone else going through these same problems with any suggestions?

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