Advice about autistic teen

[teaandkittehs]

Hi there, I realise autism presents differently and is not one size fits all. Just wanted to get that statement nailed down first to avoid angry comebacks. Anyway, is it typical for autistic kids (he attends mainstream school, to give you an idea of how his assessment turned out) to need to have their own special private soap and open new ones every time because others might have used the existing one? Or for them to not be able to tie their shoelaces at 15? Or to not be able to nineties own socks in a drawer in their own room? Or to require special private packets of Grapes that no one else is allowed to touch otherwise he decides they are now unclean? Thanks in advance.

*find their own socks, not nineties own socks. . . .or swimming shorts, or locate any of the their own clothes so that his dad still has to get all his clothes ready for him. And to not know how to do a short bus or train journey directly to his school. I think his dad and I are trying to work out where autism ends and laziness begins now he is getting older. He can go out for a day and ride a bike with his friend, he will go to the shop alone provide it is for sweets or coke (I'm his step mum, I wouldn't let him have that stuff daily but dad is slacker than me on healthy eating). He's getting old enough to do more for himself and he will definitely be capable or living an independent life in the future but he's just not taking on any minor responsibilities at all. Bit concerning as he is capable of doing or learning these things.

Sounds fairly typical to me. For the soap, could he have his own soap in one of those travel soap dishes that gets put away after he’s finished using it? Alternatively, you could try small bars of soap?

Having grapes to himself does sound fairly typical too although that along with the soap thing does sound more like OCD which is a co-morbidity of ASD so he may need separate treatment for OCD? I think Sertraline is usually tried first?

If he’s having trouble finding clothes, are you using drawer separaters and is everything labelled?

The clothes combined with the travel and not being able to organise a short trip does sound like it could be ADHD or Dyspraxia, again both common with people who have ASD.

Does he have an ECHP and what does it include?

Hello again, just wanted to ask if he’s ever been assessed for ADHD? Some of the things you mention could be down to inattentive ADHD?

I don’t think it’s laziness no. The fact that he’s in mainstream is pretty irrelevant. Lots of ND DC are in mainstream, even if it’s not suitable in the slightest.

One a couple of things that might help are trying to get an OT assessment, if he hadn’t had one in his teens. This could help him be more independent.

Also trying to remember that ND teens can have brain maturity a few years behind their peers. This means that the often have to be supported with things that their peers do every day.

Do you think your DH would be willing to read up on OCD, inattentive ADHD and see about getting an OT assessment?

Thanks for responding, he only ended up in mainstream school because there isn't an in-between. It's not appropriate for him, but I was wary of using terms like saying he's not profoundly autistic because I realise there are debates raging about terminology like that. But he falls into the chasm between the groups catered for, I was just trying to be clear that he's more suited to mainstream school than the alternative to give an idea of his assessment and capabilities. ADHD was well and truly ruled out for him in his assessment and he really doesn't fit the profile so that makes sense to us (husband is ADHD). We know that processing and organisation is likely to be more of a struggle to him but he refuses to do things like learn to tie his shoelaces better even though he can tie them, he just lies down looking bored at the ceiling while letting my husband do it. He also uses weaponised incompetence and tries to get us to do things like put his coat in his bag for him because, in his words, he doesn't feel like it and if someone else does it for him it's easier, all said with a smile on his face. He's not some kind of evil mastermind, but he's deliberately avoiding things that he should now be capable of, being a few years behind is fine but being 10 years behind because of refusal to put effort in is starting to get a bit tired! Husband is also ASD diagnosed as well as ADHD and as I said, it's not one size fits all, but husband was many, many, many, many times more independent at that age. Stepson just wants to game all day while people wait on him and it's getting tough because he has to have leeway due to diagnosis but he's refusing to learn any independent skills. . .

He’s not refusing to learn independent skills, but he will only be motivated to develop the ones he is interested in. This is quite typical so you’ll need to be savvy and weave as many skills into things like going out with friends.

some of this is is executive functioning - so you’ll have to scaffold skill development. E.g. finding socks - reduce the amount of socks in his drawer, get dividers or baskets and label the items. He will need less visual clutter so he can find them.

Good luck- pick one thing at a time and all parents will need to be onboard/ consistent

I’ve just done the socks thing with myself, I’m also ND.

My socks were getting out of hand and it was difficult to find a matching pair so I’ve thrown away almost all of mine then bought identical new ones.