Feel like I’m failing and baby number 2 on way

[Whatisgoingoff2024]

My DS is nearly 3 and I’m due baby number 2 in the summer. I feel awful saying this but I dread my days off with him as he feels such hard work at the moment. I know that’s not the reality and I’m struggling/less tolerable because I’m pregnant.

He’s testing boundaries that I’ve never seen before and I just have no energy. He destroys all activities I set up in the house. If I leave him to go and make lunch, he will get himself lodged behind the sofa. If I involve him in jobs, he breaks things. If I nip to the toilet, he will take the toilet roll and run like Usain Bolt.

He use to be so placid, easy to negotiate with and I use to love our time together. Now it feels like he’s a firework ready to explode at any second. To make matters work he’s not napping anymore so there’s no time for rest.

Our days are generally better when we are out the house but we are together 4 days a week and naturally we can’t be out all day/every day.

My husband is great when he’s not at work but does have to work a lot. My family support is non existent.

Really starting to panic about the arrival of baby number 2. Please someone tells me it gets easier?

Mine are 5 and 2 now and being heavily pregnant with the second while youngest was 2 was the hardest part of my parenting journey so far!!

It was genuinely easier having a newborn and 2 year old. It was like my eldest could sense that I was exhausted and couldn’t run as fast and took full advantage!! I remember her running away from me in the middle of a car park at 40 weeks pregnant and just wanting to burst into tears. Carrying her up the stairs for bed and just getting up and down used to be so tough and I was totally exhausted.

She is now 5, at school and absolutely lovely! I think they all go through a tricky phase at this age especially when mummy is pregnant and they can tell change is coming but can’t really understand what is going to happen.

things that helped:

1. an extra day at nursery when I wasn’t working so I had a childfree day to nest/nap. If this wouldn’t work or you’re full time send out with daddy on a weekend morning so you can have a sleep / sort things. I wish I had done more of that while pregnant because there was a lot of that when baby arrived and I wish she’d been more used to me staying behind.
2. Getting out everyday, somewhere they are contained and can burn off energy! Church type playgroups (cheap, usually hot drinks for grown ups and snack for little ones, contained, other mums are often friendly and will offer to help if they are trying to run out the door etc occasionally!) plus adult conversation. Soft play of course, role play village type things. Our local gymnastics gym ran a free play session for toddlers which was great - lots of apparatus and effectively a big padded room!! All great because they didn’t require too much from me/there was a chance of sitting down at least for a bit. These kind of places were the easiest outings when baby arrived so again good to get them used to it.
3. Lots of time in the garden while weather is good. Worth getting some bits - mud kitchen, playhouse, little slide, sandbox type things, chalk. Keeps them interested, sunshine, fresh air and again chance of being able to sit and watch with a drink.
4. Accepting that I wasn’t on top form because I was totally exhausted and it’s hard work chasing an unsettled toddler while pregnant!

I remember wondering how on earth I was going to cope when baby arrived if I was struggling so much during pregnancy. But at least once they’re born you can pop baby down sometimes!!

Get DH pulling his weight and if not already alternate bedtimes for eldest so they’re used to him doing it while you are feeding baby etc. same with bath time, as much of the routine as you can get them used to either of you doing it.

the first few months after babe arrived were full on, but I was amazed at how easy a newborn seemed the second time around. You can put them down on a playmat or in a Moses basket and they don’t move/generate mess/don’t need solid food a million times a day.

final piece of advice would be try and really soak up the last bits of your eldest as an only. I adore having two, but I do get nostalgic for the times we were a little trio. It will never be just the three of you again. Easier said than done when exhausted but enjoy them still being your only baby - they seem so big after the little one arrives!!

I was scared I couldn’t possibly love baby as much as my eldest - I do! And my eldest absolutely adores her sister. 2 years in and I actually find it easier when they’re both home rather than just one because they play together. Hearing your eldest be sweet to the baby and watching the youngest hero worship their eldest is everything. It will all be worth it and they will have a friend for life 💕

Mine are nearly 4 and 1 now (both born in June). The last 2 months of pregnancy were brutal. I was exhausted and struggled to move around. And I would say my oldest started changing their behaviour when they learned they would have a baby sibling. I remember thinking that maybe having a toddler and a newborn would be easier than a toddler and being heavily pregnant.

The first few months after the birth were hard, but I totally agree that a newborn seems super easy second time around, which makes things easier. And it was definitely better to have both to deal with than being super pregnant with a toddler!

I think around 8 months in, my eldest's behaviour started settling a little bit, there is definitely less jealousy and defiance. And now that they start interacting with each other there are a lot of super sweet moments between them.

Hang in there! You've got this!