Hi, I had a brief search through the archive, as well as on Google, before posting this message, but I have not found behaviour quite like this... so here it goes:
Ds, who will be 3 in August, is increasingly preoccupied with his routines. I don't mean the handwashing or the 'lining up things' obsessions, but how certain everyday tasks are carried out.
He has to be the one opening and closing doors, the first one in and the first one out. The first one up and down the stairs and into the bath and out of the bath.
Practically every day we go through a mini park on our way to various places. Approaching the park from a certain direction, we have to follow a set routine. Approaching the park from the opposite direction, the routine alters accordingly.
He also has to be the one pressing the buttons (lifts, traffic lights, bells). God help us all if I dare not paying attention and press the bell out of habit...
This has been going on for what seems like ages, and there is no sign of getting any better. I think he must have started exhibiting such behaviour the first time he was able to express and explain himself adequately, when he was about two.
I try to go along with it as much as possible, since I had a very strict upbringing, and I know how dreadful it is not to have any choice or free will.
However, sometimes it seems that the more I humour him, the worse he gets, and if I let him, the whole family's life would revolve around his little habits and routines.
There are better periods, when it all settles down a bit - probably because I am in a position where I have the time and patience to 'obey his compulsions'. At other times, it all flares up, normally (and, I do realise, not coincidentally) at times of tension and stress. It's always the worse at times of illness or extreme tiredness.
What really gets me, is when he changes the 'rules', but does not tell us about it. So I just plod along, as usual, saying and doing the right things at the right times, and then suddenly all hell breaks loose.
Every now and again, when an obsession really is getting out of hand, we put our foot down and say no. In the past he would throw a tantrum, but after about ten minutes he would get over it, and then he would not attempt to 'enforce' the same routine again. However, just lately, he will not give in. Yesterday, he threw a massive tantrum, made himself sick, and carried on screaming for another half an hour. My husband and I agreed that we should not give in, but the situation was really getting worrying, so in the end we made a compromise.
I can feel the control slipping away from me and I would really appreciate any advice. We normally follow the supernanny method (whatever it's called), try to reason with him, give him a choice, explain the consequences and act on it. Today I actually had to put his bike in a bin, in order to be able to carry him home, as well as pushing dd's pram. I know that it will break his heart, but I think he needs to learn a lesson about how far to push his boundaries (and Mummy).
Sorry that this ended up such a long message. As I said before, any advice would be welcome.