Coping with and understanding dds behaviour

[Doodliedo]

My dd has recently turned 3 and is generally very gentle with most people, except for myself and her cousin. She's still very loving to me but does try to hit me most weeks and today repeatedly hit me even Infront of a family member who commented that the smack had come out of nowhere. I do give consequences such as short time outs or leaving places where hitting has occurred, if we're out and about but nothing seems to work long term. My dd stays with her dad overnight once a week (we're separated)but otherwise is with me every night and has never hit her dad. I feel like a failure. What else could I do that might help? My dds speech is advanced for her age, so communicating isn't so much of an issue. Is this normal behaviour?

Is there something triggering her, is she frustrated or angry when she's hitting? Or it really does come out of nowhere, she's happy and laughing and then bam? How does she react after the hit?

Have you got some books on naming and processing emotions? Things like the Colour Monster, or Fergal is Fuming? Or looking at some techniques on how to calm down when feeling cross, deep breathing games like blowing out candles or smelling the flowers.

My 3yo (nearly 4) sounds like yours, he very occasionally hits, and it's always at me or his dad if we have said no to something. He doesn't hit his peers even if he's upset, he's more likely to have a tantrum. Since he's starting school in Sep I'm focusing at the mo on emotional regulation all of the above I've mentioned have been helping us.

That's some really good advice , thank you. I think frustration definitely comes into it and being on my own and therefore setting nearly all the boundaries myself probably comes into it too. My ex despite being a lovely dad is very relaxed with screen time and sugary treats and when I put limits in place for the rest of the week that can be a trigger for my DD. Ex partner is is confident his parenting is perfect though . It gets me down quite a lot though , as I'm left wondering whether my DD likes me , as much as her dad although I do realise at this age I'm probably being irrational.

3 year olds hitting like that… yeah it happens, but you’re doing the right stuff already. Only thing that helped me was instant reaction every time, same words, same consequence, zero variation, they test consistency like crazy at that age.