if your dc is a pita come, read this and rejoice that you are not me...

[deaconblue]

left ds (2) alone for 2-3 minutes while I chatted on phone and served his tea. Came back into the sitting room to find him sitting on the hearth bowling coals across the room! Sooty black marks everywhere!!!

i raise you child in tumble dryer every time its empty

How about taking a pair of scissors to every item in the wardrobe?
And the duvet cover....
You ain't seen nuthin' yet......

WHen he draws on the walls with the coals because you've finally found a hiding place for the sudocream that he so likes to smear and eat (or poo at a push), then come and see me

I'm very glad my two have out grown this now, but their favourite trick was to suck the toilet brush. Honestly not sure how they're still alive.

Oh poor you!
Reminds me of dd at similar age... We took her to an organic gardening open day where she had a lovely time planting sunflower seeds in some lovely nutrient rich compost. She watered (drowned!) her decorated little pot carefully and bought it home where it was placed on the coffee table. I returned to the room to discover she had tipped the lot over the sofa and floor to retrieve her seeds which she presented to me with pride! Have never seen such black staining compost in my life

Oh yes, coal drawings on the wall!

And "flip flap flop" written repeatedly all over DS's bed. He was practic
ing his joined up writing, aparently.

lol my ds wrote a huge number 6 on my satirway wall once- because he was annoyed with me for telling him to hold on a moent i'm speaking to aunty
he also likes to snip little holes in duvet covers
write his name on wooden furniture

My dc decided to smear write on my new duvet set with vicks vapour rub, and covered himself before coming to tell mw that he felt 'cold'.

my ds2 writes ds1's name on the walls to try and get him in trouble!

oh thats clevre cazboldy i remember my younger sis doing this to me - except she used to write her own name

me n my brother took all of mum n dad's lp's (now worth lots of money) out of covers in order to play hopscotch on them...

'hello daddy, these are our stepping stones...'

lol as a 2 yr old i took all of my mums contarceptive pill (a whole pack) i've never been allowed to forget this- mum loves to tell people this and her concern rushing me to hospital to be told- i woulnt fall pregnant anytime soon!!

my yougest sisteer climber on a bunk bed when she was 3 or 4, to get ontop of the wardrobe where my oldest sisters chemistry set was kept. ate the copper sulphate and went down to my mum to tell her her my middle sis had made her eat blue sugar!!- cue nother emergency dash to hospital for her tummy to be pumped!

My DS2 (8) gets a chair, stands on it to gain access to the worksurface, hoists himself up to feel above the cupboards for the matches to try and light my candles - when I am in the shower. The bloody house could have gone up in flames

Oooooo let's think of another - oh yes, found the not so hidden scissors and cut my newly erected venetian blinds.

Mmmmm - ok Mum, that's not enough, let's undo the stitching on your new leather sofa with yet again the scissors that I obviously do not hide so well.

Ah vicks!!!! DS did that with Tiger Balm. All over our duvet, all over our wall. All over himself. We only discovered it because he rubbed his eye and it hurt!!!!

When I was young me and my older brother thought it'd be really funny to cover ourselves in talcum powder and pretend to be ghosts....boy did we get a telling off!

My brothers also did the name writing pretending to be the other. One of them tried it once - scratched his name in a door and said it was our youngest brother. Till I pointed out that it couldnt have been youngest one because he couldnt reach that high up

here, shoppingbags, this will make you feel better.

This is lol! When i was little, my mum would send me down to the bakery for a fresh loaf and it was a good 20 min walk so of course by then i had tunnelled all the lovely soft bread out of the middle and just left the crust!
She never believed my story about mice.

chunkypudding - records make excellent toys. As a 6 yo, a friend and I took my mums records inot the lane behnd my house, and threw them up into the air shouting "record breakers!"

Is my DS (when he was 3) the only one to open the electric garage door, the hoid on to it as it opened to get a ride?

htese are excellent. Have lol lots, especially for poor PHD

JoshandJamie - you have scarred me for life.

cheesesarnie - please put a lock on that drier, it's my pet nightmare!

walnutshell-dont worry-weve found out how to stop him(towels in there!),newest thing is climbing over stairgate!oh and out of travel cot when he stayed at nannys on saturday

DD covered herself in sudocream whiLe I was sorting out DS. It was so greasy i couldnt even wash it off her properly. Anothertime ound her painting hersef with bright red paint which she managed to get all over the computer, her hair the dining chairs.

My brother used to write my name everywhere and blame me too. He wrote PIG across my ace on my school photo and tried to blame me but he didnt realise his P was back to front and only he wrote like that. My mum still has the picture.

huge turd at the top of the stairs.....followed by " ive done more poo in my bedroom mummy".....diorrhoea all over bedroom carpet......followed by
hopping in the bath with ds.......followed by pouring nice warm water all over my hair......followed by "ive just weed in he bath m
ummy"......piss dripping fron
m my head...followed by.....projectile vommit from ds all over me in the bath.......followed by "oooh mummy, you got sick dripping from your hoobs"....followed by me shoving bits of food down the plug hole wih my big toe while showering the piss and sick off myself.

baaaad day that day.

My 2 year old put a peeled banana in the washing machine. Luckily I saw him do it out of the corner of my eye, otherwise I would have put in a load of washing on top and I dread to think what the result would have been!