I'm worried about my 4yo DS. He has always been a bit of a "handful" - energetic, climbing everything from a young age, running off, short attention span, stubborn, etc. Possible ADHD was the main thing on my radar. He is in preschool and this year we've had increasing reports of behavioural issues. He often doesn't listen to instructions and continues to do things (e.g. pulling leaves off a tree in the playground, standing on furniture) when he's been told not to. Can sometimes get physical with other kids. We went through a pushing phase aged 2 but he had grown out of that, and I hadn't been getting reports of aggression from nursery. The preschool have mentioned possible ASD and have arranged for him to be observed next week. This surprised and upset me as it hadn't particularly been on my list of concerns, to be honest. They say he is bright and high-functioning but he can get quite fixated on certain types of play, likes friends to play his way and sometimes gets cross when they have other ideas. He prefers one-on-one play to playing in a group. At home we do often find his behaviour challenging - he can be very defiant and resistant. He loves being read to, but it can be hard to get him to do activities like drawing or craft. He is also cuddly and sweet, and friendships are important to him - he talks a lot about his friend who moved away, asks for playdates, gets excited when he sees friends from preschool out and about, etc. He had good eye contact as a baby, hit milestones for smiling, walking, language, etc.
We have tried consequences for bad behaviour (often losing TV time, which he loves and looks forward to each evening), but feel they don't have much lasting impact. We can get into a kind of "negative spiral" where we seem to be constantly telling him off/taking away privileges, and the behaviour just gets worse. He seems to respond better to positive reinforcement - he likes to be helpful and receive praise when he does something well.
Does anyone else recognise these behaviours in their 4yo DS?! I guess I was hoping some of these things would improve as he gets older, but now I'm worried what the future may hold.