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Behaviour/development

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Anger & aggression with 5 year old

2 replies

Wrennieroo · 09/04/2026 19:48

Our DS is 5, he’s a sweet, fun and caring boy but he has recently been having very frequent, aggressive outbursts. He has always struggled with regulating his emotions and triggers such as hunger, tiredness, embarrassment etc. always result in anger and has done from a very young age.
The tantrums and screaming and shouting episodes are manageable to an extent but the aggression is getting out of control. The smallest thing will make him flip and he will be trying to hit, bite, kick, throw things, screaming horrible things, for a significant amount of time (mostly to me, sometimes Dad and younger sister). You can’t do a thing with him until he eventually calms down, at which point he breaks down in tears and apologises. We have tried everything, consequences of taking toys/treats away. Talking calmly to him afterwards. Praising all good positive behaviour. Reading books. Ignoring it. But nothing seems to be improving and it’s having a huge impact on our family life.
School has no concerns, the outbursts are particularly bad after a day of school and him being on best behaviour.
Socially he is able to make lots of friends and loves playing, although he is often way too intense and sometimes rough. I often feel anxious about taking him to kids social events.

not sure on the purpose of the post, maybe some words of hope/advice of anyone that has been through similar…

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JoJoUK29 · 09/04/2026 20:03

Hey! Sorry you're having such a tricky time with your little one. I work with kiddos, you said he seems to be doing ok at school. It's super common for kids to struggle more at home as they let it all out with you! Not easy though... I would try to avoid punishments that are not linked to behaviour E.g. if he hits, don't remove his devices or dessert, they aren't logically connected. So it might create more uncertainty and frustration from him. I have a few really good resources that can help you notice his early warning signs and perhaps help you with putting in those boundaries but without 'punishing' as such, but guiding him to make more helpful decisions. he may also need some therapy support? does he have any currently?

Jo x

Wrennieroo · 09/04/2026 21:15

Thank you for the reply. I would say we don’t punish him when he’s having the intense meltdowns, as he is clearly distressed and acting out in a way he only knows how. We stay calm and try and talk him through it. Trying to reason etc only escalates things.

However, if he hits us or his sister or is rude for no apparent reason, we will address that.
he hasn’t had any support yet, we’ve sought casual advice from a couple of professionals who have said it sounds like nothing to be too concerned with and we’re doing the right things, but we’re at our wits end! People seem to not be concerned because he is ok at school. I appreciate children are all different but his behaviour seems far more extreme.

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