Wow, this is so hard to write because I feel so sad about it. DD has always been an intense type - feels everything very keenly, is very quick to spot (and shout about) perceived injustices, and is very quick to anger. She can't seem to shrug things off or attribute things easily to "little brother" behaviour. When they are playing together, it can be absolutely fine, but there is usually some screeching of " NO, NO, STOP IT! from her because DS hasn't played the game her way.
The awful thing is that I can't just leave them to squabble their way out of it, because she will just take matters into her own hands and bit or hit him (he's just 4). So I have to race in every time and try and intervene for his own safety. I was on the phone this evening and they were both playing. DS was asking DD to do her spellings, she got cross with him for asking her them, so just went over and bit him - hard enough to break the skin.
She can be so lovely, funny and friendly that when this side of her comes out, it does really upset me. Afterwards, she's not bothered about apologising and making friends.
So, any help gratefully received! I do look out for warning signs and have talked to her about things she could do instead of hurting DS, but it seems to escalate so suddenly that it is really hard to see any build up at all. On the consequences side - I am also stumped. I've talked to her about the fact that in our family nobody else hits or hurts people except her, so it's not on. I've tried removing Big Girl privileges, I've tried putting her straight in her room.
I'm also worried about how long it will be before DS starts to defend himself.
Appologies for the length of this - you wouldn't believe how many times I've attempted to post it and then erased.