2.5 year old and new sibling

[Lid98]

Hiya, I'm a 5 week postpartum mum of two boys. I'm currently really struggling adapting tbh and finding my toddlers behavior exceptionally difficult. I'm really hoping to get some advice and reassurance that it'll pass. My 2.5 year old is very lovely and has always needed a lot of engagement. I think because its two very different needs we are noticing his energy more. He needs constant redirection to stop hitting the cot or jumping with the cot. He also is very enthusiastic around his brother lots of kisses and stroking but then just all of a sudden he'll close his fists and hit his head it's so fast to catch it. It's breaking my heart in all honesty and I really don't think I'm handling it right. I will admit I start the day with best intentions and start with just gentle redirection but as the day goes on the more tired we both get and I can sense his energy change. He just starts saying no more to everything, laughing and doing it whatever I'm saying no to more, he'll use his body to fling into me, go floppy or run away. I have raised my voice on occasions and I just feel like my emotional reaction is making it worse.

I don't know what to do, any tips and reassurance this is normal and will pass? Cause my catastrophic brain is having visions of visiting a juvenile centre 😂

What I would also add to this is my newborn really struggles to be put down and cries a lot of not held so I think this may not be helping

I can remember the transition from one to two and it was hard.

Is DS1 going to Nursery or Preschool so that you get some time flr just you and DS2?

Do you have any structure to your days now?

Yes he goes twice a week and yeah our days together run pretty similar. Meals at regular times, out in the morning and then back for the afternoon.

And I can remember how long those afternoons can be when you’ve got one who is playing up and one who won’t be put down

Have you got a big stretchy wrap so that you move around and do things with DC1? Activities like baking or play dog might keep him interested for a few minutes.

Does he have a nap in the afternoon?

Oooft I had the same kind of experience. I feel like I could have written your post a few months ago. My toddler was 2.5 when my second was born. We’re 6 months in now and it’s a lot better.
In those early weeks I tried to just remember that a lot has changed for my toddler and he’s not getting the same attention as he’s always known. My baby didn’t like being put down either, so trying to juggle the two was tricky.
It does become easier once the baby is awake for longer and can be put in a bouncer or something safe for a few minutes and you can give your toddler a few moments of time without the baby in the way.
I also realised that my toddler kind of enjoyed the attention of being told off or shouted at (which I did a lot more than I would have liked, but it’s hard to control your own temper when sleep deprived and they’re pushing your buttons!), so I began to kind of ignore the bad behaviour and super praising good behaviour. So whenever he would be gentle with the baby, or get a muslin or a nappy I would give him lots of attention. If he tried to hit the baby I would stop him, grab his hand or whatever and then either move him or myself away.
Also a baby carrier was a lifesaver for being able to get my toddler out for a run around and get rid of some of his energy, whilst the baby could sleep and be close to me. This also meant that I felt less guilty about plopping my toddler infront of the tv for 30 mins later in the day so we could all get some peace.
Do you have family who can help? Even if it’s just for a few weeks. My toddler goes to nursery 3 mornings a week and then goes to his grandparents one afternoon. He then gets plenty of play time and some 1-1 time with family members.
I promise it’ll get easier. Things will change and there will be other challenges (juggling both boys nap times is my biggest issue right now), and watching the way the baby laughs at his older brother is one of the best things I’ve ever experienced.

@Row23 I cannot tell you how reassuring your post is. Thank you for being so honest about the shouting too cause I've def been shouting more than I want to. Definitely had days where I've had to take myself off to cry, at times feeling like I'm just failing them both!

Thank you for your reassurance. My littlest one has just started to to smile and even that's helping a bit. I can envision it getting easier as my second gets more mobile etc

So glad it's gotten easier for you. Eldest goes to nursery twice a week need to wear a sling in house more but waiting for my scar to heal a bit more

It’s a hard adjustment for you all- see if you can arrange for him to have some time away from home doing fun things. Plan to go out after lunch to break up the afternoon.

I found it much easier to bottle feed than breast with my second as it seemed to fit better with my big one.

I remember this. I found going from 2-3 easier because no one is an only child at that point). It was a few months and I got good at using a sling and being mobile over time. It will be okay. A few months of adjustment and moments here and there forever more but it hit much better.

Hello just came across this post and have a somewhat positive response for you. My son was 3 when my ds was born and the transition was horrific, everytime the baby made a noise my ds would act out aggressively, intentionally hurt himself or throw something across the room. The HV and his nursery suggested it was a cry for attention and to ignore it but he would slam his head into the floor or shut his fingers in the door which you just can’t ignore. We paid to see a psychologist, behaviour therapist and an occupational therapist therapist all which said it’s sibling jealousy. It did get a lot worse before it got better, we spent so many days where they wouldn’t even see each other because my oldest couldn’t stand it, I even moved out with the baby for a while. Then one day something just clicked and he finally excepted the baby and now he loves him and wants to be around him all the time. It did take about 8 months of every day being absolutely horrific but now we’re on the other side we appreciate their relationship so much more. I wish I could tell you what worked for us but I think it was just time and understanding. It’s so hard when you see other lovely siblings being kind and loving and excited - hold in there OP sending you hugs