Every day is a struggle with 3.5 y/o DS

[MomBiz]

I'm broken. Every day is a constant battleground with my 3.5 year old. He hits, bites, kicks, not just me and his dad but teachers in preschool, coaches at activities, we left one because it was just too exhausting every week and he didn't seem to be feeling it anyway, and last week got asked to leave another (an activity he LOVED) as he can't stay with the group and has hit his coach a couple of times.
His teachers have recommended play therapy but I have reached out to every one I can find in my area and none will take a child this young and say he can go on a waiting list when he is 4.
I have spoken to my GP who referred me to a group counselling organisation but honestly, everything that was 'taught' was common sense and everything we have already tried.
We go to the park/playground etc but barely go anywhere as a family. never to a restaurant or coffee shop etc because it always ends in disaster. My husband and I have no life and never go out. we hate asking family to mind ds as we know how difficult he is for them.
Finally, we are currently undergoing ivf treatment as we have been unable to conceive a second baby. I am questioning my choices everyday lately. I want another baby so badly and I want to give my little boy a sibling so badly but what are the chances that this will be any better in 9-12 months!
Has anyone been here with a 3.5 year old who is just this badly behaved and when did things start to improve?

Hi, we had something similar recently when
our daughter was around 3/3.5 and suddenly became quite violent but mainly towards me and my husband - although she did bite another child a couple of times in pre-school.
for us we think the trigger was her moving from nursery to pre-school plus the addition of her baby brother.
Even though it’s so hard to do, when she bit me I would try and remain calm, use a few words only like ‘I won’t let you hurt me’ etc and remove her from the situation and have some time out. I’d also try to have a consequence, so once she bit me on holiday and after she did that she didn’t have ice cream when her cousins did. Sounds mean but I think it worked. What I also found helped was to try and calm her down and say ‘are you ready for a cuddle’ (which is the last thing you want to say in the moment when you’re so fuming) but 9 times out of 10 she would cuddle in and calm right down, then we would address what’s happened.
anyway those are just some of the things that have worked for us - she’s nearly 4 now and things are a lot better. She still has the odd outburst but it’s a lot better than before.
we also found it helped to eliminate triggers ie hunger / tiredness as this was when her behaviour was 100X worse.
Sorry if you’ve already tried those things and I hope things improve

I can understand your dilemma. I have two and DC2 is very similar to your DS.
We decided not to have anymore. At the time I found that decision really hard but the teen years were just so difficult. I’m still not sure how our marriage survived and we were only talking on Saturday about how much living with DC2 has aged us.

Only you and DH can decide if you want to go ahead and have another but I would consider how it would be if you had 2 DC like this, or maybe 3 if the IVF ended up with DTs?

It’s hard to think like that if you’re desperate for another though and in our case it was DH who said he didn’t want anymore. Ours are adults now and have been known to have a physical fight so you might not be offering DS that close sibling bond that you’re hoping for.

Are you in the UK @MomBiz? I’m just wondering if you’ve applied for an EHP needs assessment yet?

And how does he score on this simple progress checker?