Struggling with 9 year old

[Buzzwoody1624]

I’m really struggling with my 9 year old daughter. The past few months have been awful, me and my partner feel like we’re walking on egg shells with her all the time. She has meltdowns over the tiniest of things which normally consist of screaming like she’s being murdered, pulling her hair, storming about the house and slamming doors. A few weeks ago a neighbor phoned the police because they heard her screaming, that time it was because a song on the tonies box didn’t sync with a film on the tv. She speaks to us like shit constantly, when we try to address it she doesn’t care or claims she is speaking normally to us. Tonight however during one of her meltdowns she sent her little brother (18months) flying. She did knock him by accident and thankfully he’s fine but then she screamed in his face. I try my hardest to stay calm with her and be level headed but I did loose it and shout at her. Then she screamed the house down for over an hour. I just really don’t understand, it can be over the tiniest of things and I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. I do have family support but they don’t understand as she’s always an angel around other people. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or if I just need to vent 😩

Has it only been for the last few months, hiw was she before this @Buzzwoody1624?

Her behaviour/moods have been up and down for a few years. It peaked when her brother was born which we put down to change/jealousy and made a big deal of spending 1:1 time with her and involving her in everything with the baby. It calmed down for a while and then it’s just slowly picked back up to the point we’re at now. I do think a part of it could be hormonal and I’ve tried speaking to her about it a few times but those conversations in themselves just cause meltdowns.

It does sound as though she’s feeling overwhelmed and is struggling to communicate. Which is hard for all of you.

The first thing I would do is this simple progress checker. If is says that she needs some support then she will need a referral for a hearing test and some SaLT. The school SENCO should be able to help with those referrals.

Two books which might help are 10 days to a less defiant child and if you think it might be hormonal I found Untangled helpful.