Help me sort out our mealtimes!

[igglepiggle599]

I have two DC, aged 2 and 3. They've always been 'good' eaters in the sense that they accept most things, but our mealtimes are an absolute mess. Today was yet another night on which my older one refused to sit at the table and both meals were left pretty much untouched.

Older one won't sit down unless the TV is on or unless there's something on the plate that he loves, like chips, which he rarely has. I've tried discussing it with him, leading him gently to the table (which doesn't work as he won't go quietly), letting him have an exciting 'big boy' chair, giving him a consequence, etc. Nothing works - he is simply adamant he does not want to sit at the table. Younger one sits down fine but usually insists on coming out after about two minutes. Younger one has also recently decided that he doesn't like any of the fruit, vegetables and protein that he used to love and only seems to want bland carbs like toast.

We used to rely a lot on TV to get the kids to eat - older one would passively accept us spoon-feeding him whilst he watched something (which we knew wasn't ideal but seemed like the only way to get him to eat a meal). Younger one will not accept food being put into his mouth but will occasionally nibble on something if we put it into his hand. I've now cut out TV during mealtimes but just can't get them to eat meals. They both eat a huge variety of food at nursery and sit down properly to eat.

I had thought this might be about snacks and the kids not being hungry enough - I don't constantly give them snacks but they do eat between meals, and I don't really limit things like fruit and veg if they want them throughout the day. But I just don't think they should have to be really, really hungry in order to be able to sit down and eat at least some of their food, especially as they're fine with it at nursery. We are at a point now where dinner is just left untouched.

Would appreciate any insights!

What happens if they don’t eat @igglepiggle599? Do they get an alternative later?

Thanks for replying! No - I usually end up giving them the same dinner again later on when they're distracted with toys/TV. They also have milk before they go to bed.

How much milk are we talking @igglepiggle599? Are tou worried that they’ll not sleep?

Only a small cup each - no more than 150ml (they can ask for more but they rarely do).

Difficult isn’t it? I have one with ARFID and I know the worry of them not eating

One thing we did was snacks were only fruit for a while and that seemed to encourage hunger.

Are they getting exercise? I know it can be difficult in this weather but scooting, swimming or going to the park all seem to help.

Have you had a look at this guide from the Caroline Walker Trust too as it gives sample menus and suggested menus which might help a useful comparison to what they are having now.

Do they eat better at other meals? If they’re tired in the evening and messing around, could you make the earlier meals more substantial and make teatime the smallest meal of the day?

Thanks for this - I'll take a look at that website!

They usually do pretty well at breakfast, though sometimes they don't end up eating much. They both eat perfectly at nursery. If they have their 'main' meal at lunchtime I usually do them a toast/boiled egg/vegetable sticks sort of meal for dinner which is more casual, but they still don't really stay at the table for that! I'm not really that invested in sitting at the table as a house rule, but I don't fancy the idea of them running around with spaghetti bolognese around the furniture and carpets. 😬

That's a good point about fruit-based snacks - maybe I'll try to cut down on the grazing on rice cakes and things!

Definitely try and cut down in the grazing. I was surprised how much difference it made.

We have always tried to get outs to sit at the table but if you’re offering something like sandwiches maybe they would eat better if sometimes you put a blanket on the floor and had a little “picnic”?

And I know it sounds a bit wanky but soothing classical music playing sometimes helps

Just another thought of whether they know they get TV after dinner, so maybe contributing to why they don't want to sit down properly to eat? After dinner, mine have 10-15 minutes of playtime and then it's upstairs to start bedtime and they're given lots of warnings about no more food until the morning. I always offer "pudding" after dinner if they've at least tried everything (and now, if they've eaten all their veg) and then pudding is fruit/milk/toast so they don't get to bed hungry. We also read to them sometimes at the table / they listen to an audiobook/music to keep them entertained.

Mine used to like a simple audio book sometimes when they were eating, especially if they were tirez

I agree with reducing snacks – not enough that they're really, really hungry (a very hungry, tired toddler is not good for anyone and certainly not in a place to learn new skills or routines!), just so they're hungry enough that waiting longer to eat isn't appealing.

I would also cut out offering them the same meal again when they are distracted with TV/toys. I think you're undermining yourself there because it means they don't have to sit and eat the 'boring' way – you'll offer them a chance to do it the 'fun' way later. I'd offer the meal again if they're hungry, but same rules as the first time, at the table, no TV/toys.

We also sometimes do an audiobook, but as a planned thing, like if we're back late from an activity and getting some quick food down the children before eating later ourselves. We don't offer it as an alternative to family meal time.