3 YO struggling at nursery

[ambitiousgoose]

I have a meeting with DD nursery in a couple of days. She has been there for 10 months but was in a childminders setting before this.
She was initially in for 3 days per week but we dropped this down to 2 as she was struggling (crying at drop off, withdrawn, appearing anxious) and she seemed to be handling this so much better.
until a week ago I had a call to go in for a meeting to discuss sensory needs and their big concern which is that she plays for long periods on her own and doesn’t really care for the other children in her class. I feel like they are painting a picture here.

from my own observations she talks about her peers especially the boisterous characters that she doesn’t like at all. She talks about a few girls she likes labelling them as kind.

I witnessed a very uncomfortable exchange a few weeks ago at her friends birthday party where she said she wanted to wish her a happy birthday. I said go ahead! My DD just went in front on her, stood there and no words came out. It was so hard to watch as her Mum. I have seen this awkwardness with unfamiliar adults too for example at our music class.
what I do know that is when she feels safe & secure she will venture out of her comfort zone. It just doesn’t seem like she’s able to in this particular setting and it’s hurting my mummy heart!
At home she’s very different - confident, talks non-stop, lots of energy, asks loads of questions, sings, Mummy play with me!

It’s been mentioned that at nursery she has quiet time where the other children in her class enjoy holding her hand!? I’m like WTF she’s not a baby nor does she need her peers to be treating her differently. She’s a bright girl, yes some social challenges but I’m worried nursery are going down an ASD/ND route without truly knowing her or doing anything to support and scaffold her learning before jumping to such conclusions. I worry it’s actually effecting her more than doing good.

it was mentioned that they were informing the borough of something when meeting was arranged.

any advice from parents/practitioners? What is typical 3 YO social behaviour?

Please don’t worry @ambitiousgoose. It sounds as though your DD does need support and all that is happening her is that they seem to be trying to put things in place to get her that support.

If she does end up with an assessment for ASD she won’t get a diagnosis automatically.

I think sometimes we don’t realise how much support and accommodations we put in place as their parents. From what you’ve said on here, she does sound a little out of step with her peers and if she were mine, I’d be asking for investigation as to why that was.

If you want some reassurance, you could ask to see your HV and fill in both the:

3 year Ages & Stages

and the 3 year Social & Emotional Ages & Stages.

I would also do this very simple progress checker from Speech & Language UK to rule out any issues with communication.

This is so helpful! Thank you!

Absolutely no problem. We’re both of the Ages & Stages the right ones for her age?

And do let us know how the meeting goes