please advise ASAP - DS seems to be self punishing

[eenybeeny]

DS is 22 months and a very very good boy who is so sweet. He is hitting himself in the face repeatedly as some sort of self punishment though I dont know why. Of course we never hit him!!!!!! Or each other. He doesnt see it ever. We never say he is naughty or anything we do nothing but try to make him feel good about himself. DH and I are so upset that he seems to want to hurt himself. He makes this weird noise when he does it too, like a engine revving up or something. What do I do? I keep saying "no do not hit Alex, Alex is precious" and he will repeat what I have just said then hit himself again.

He did it because it felt new.

Now he probably does it to see the look on your face and to hear the rise in your voice.

He can't be hurting himself that much, or he wouldn't keep doing it.

He'll go too far one day, it will hurt more that he can deal with, then he probably won't do it again.

At 22 months, it is seriously doubtful it is a sign of current emotional turmoil or future mental illness, particularly if he is a generally happy little boy (being very emotional is pretty normal at this age).

I know several children who have gone through a stage of hitting themselves like this at that sort of age and a little bit older. If you didn't have a history of mental illness in your family, you wouldn't think twice about it, except to explain to him, as you already have, that you should never hit yourself, any more than you should ever hit other people.

ps don't make too big a deal of it in front of him, as children do become attracted to behaviours that elicit a big response from their parents.

eeny, I'm not setting myself up as an expert here as I am not specifically child mental health qualified, but I am a social worker with experience of children.

I personally have never seen or known of a child of your ds' age with an actual 'mental illness' - obviously some will display extremely upsetting/odd behaviour if they have been seriously neglected or abused but clearly this is not relevant here!! What he is doing, I feel absolutely sure, is nothing to do with mental vulnerability.

As others have said, it is a totally normal thing to do - many, many toddlers do it. And I do agree too that his keeping on will have a bit to do with your attention to it.

Honestly, you can safely ignore this!

Just distract him if you can, and carry on ignoring if you can't.

What he is doing is partly experimenting, partly for your attention, and partly a way of a child without sophisticated communication skills expressing a feeling.

Really, don't worry. He sounds utterly normal and I do think you need to be aware not to transfer any understandable worries you may have re mental health issues. With a loving, caring, attentive mum like you to bring him up, and a stable home, I bet you that is more than enough to overcome any possible genetic propensity.

My ds (also an Alex!) has just been banging his head on his cot bars and does this frequently. He likes to then say "bump, kiss it better". Think it's just experimentation/attention seeking and I try to explain that he doesn't need to have a bump - I'll hug and kiss him lots anyway! He's just turned two.

thanks very much everyone for your thoughtful posts. I am taking it all on board and will try to react more nonchalantly when he does it. I think you are right - with this exception he is such a happy child and often seems very secure and confident so this is clearly just a growing thing. Thanks for talking reason into me!