3 &4 year out of control

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Hi I am at my wits end with my 3 & 4 year old son's.

My 4 year old has additional behavior needs awaiting tests but has been through Occupational Therapy and camhs are providing support.

It's the weekends more so that are causing the most concern.

The boys seem to bounce off each other I am waiting to move house is being finished to be handed over currently in a 2 bed fff, and taking them outside is a no when alone, my 4 year old has no sense of danger and will run like the wind my 3 year old copies so I am pretty much stuck indoors, when it's just me. When I move in approx 5 weeks I will have a garden where I can put in trampoline slide swing etc, I have been very lucky in this respect old build house with a large garden.

But this weekend I am at my wits end I have no idea why but it's been one of the worst for a long time, they have spat up my walls and find it funny, they have fought non stop broken more toys chucking them across the room and as quick as I sort out one another thing has happened for example 4 year old repeatedly hitting 3 year old earlier today remove my 4 year old and calm 3 year old, my 4 year then thrashed their room and had a wee all over the bedding, whilst sorting the bedding my 3 year old then took his food and jumped it into my floor.
I am more than aware that my son needs constant stimulation and In a sense they both get this making cakes running cars around tracks puzzles its full package so to speak and most weekends it's manageable this weekend I have just put them in their beds to calm down so I'm sat on the floor of their room writing this

I actually have a nursery meeting on Tuesday my 3 year old is showing concerning behavior at nursery so they want to have a chat. I have had in mind for some time that my 3 year old may also have some behavioral issues but often have thought it is copying.

Any advice on how to calm things down when like this, as said this is not normal to be at this level but when it does arise I feel like I can't cope I am also more than aware of the noise, my neighbor underneath has been so understanding and helped me take them out but even he has said when it's bad like this weekend it's too much.

The naughty step / spot / time out does not work I have had H/Vs Camhs and family action try and implement it with me, and my 4 year old thinks it's a game at first them lashes out and when he does has unbelievable strength as he is wound up and will as all have received bites which draw blood.

Any advice gratefully received I suppose almost a release writing it down.

You poor thing, OP. I don’t really have much useful to add im afraid. It sounds exhausting. I would agree that with children like this the naughty step/time out are completely pointless. It just upsets them. One small thing- can you get a small, indoor trampoline? Or even one each of it would help? I understand why you don’t want to take them out but being cooped up is only going to make it more challenging. Could you get reins for your 4 year old?

Discipline techniques that can work for NT DC often don’t work at all for ND DC and in some cases can make things worse. It can be bloody hard, rape when all pf the HCPs involved can be trying to get you to use these techniques and you can be left wondering what you’re doing wrong.

Instead of trying Time Out, have a look at the book 10 days to a less defiant child which has some techniques which might work for you

Has anyone suggested applying for an EHP assessment for both DS? The helpful MNers in the SN Section will be able to guide you through this.

Had the HV told you about any local support groups for Parents of DC who are awaiting assessment or have been diagnosed? Has she also told you about any SN Nurseries in your area? Homestart might also be able to give you a volunteer for a couple of hours regularly?

With DS2, unfortunately if you have one DC with ASD it’s very likely that both may as it’s a condition that can be hereditary.

Before you have the meeting with the Nursery, I would do this simple progress checker and have a look at this Social & Emotional Ages and Stages, is he in the right age range for that particular assessment?

Hi thank you for replies

My 4 year old well both are big for there age wearing 6-7 clothes and 3 year old 5-6 years. I did have reins the backpack type which were good for a little bit but he managed to slip them more than once.

Thank you for the links I will have a good read, my son does not do well in groups although now his in Reception with a full time classroom assistant maybe worth a try,
Soft play it's too noisy for him so meltdowns and tried also a little kickers football club and he got asked to leave after two sessions got over stimulated and went around pushing little ones over.

I have had lots of support over past year which I am incredibly grateful for, Family action came once a week for 12 weeks, my 3 year old has taken a lot from his brother but there are things that can't be ignored he hits all his milestones other than speech but that seems to be a family trait. But his behaviour is off in some ways, nursery asked to complete some simple assessments on him and will discuss in detail on Tuesday.