Aggressive and rude 4 year old

[Louisa30]

Our 4 (almost 5) year old is uncontrollable - he screams, throws, hits, punches, kicks, pulls hair - to myself, husband and little brother. He is also constantly telling us that he hates us, that we are stupid, that he doesn’t care etc. This is on a daily basis and relentless on a weekend. It’s making us all so unhappy and we are trying to follow everything we are told to manage it but it’s so hard.
We spoke to each teachers last week who had no concerns and said he’s perfect at school, sometimes a little giddy but as a 4 year old boy should be. Not sure if he’s picking some of this up from the few after school clubs he goes to with older kids? Or if he’s tired from school?
I suppose I’m just trying to get some advice from others who have gone through similar, on how I can support him and also help our family life become a little happier than it is right now :(
Thank you.

I came on here to research, as we are in the same boat! DS is almost 5, and in the last month behaviour has worsened. He refuses to listen when it is time to go to bed/time to leave the park, etc, and the verbal abuse is horrendous.

DS struggled to settle into school as he was nervous, now he is fine, but school also have no issues with him. I don’t wonder if he’s picked up bad behaviours as one of his besties is the class bully 🥴 however all of the boys love to play rough like a pack of pups.

From experience I know children are more comfortable releasing their emotions at home. However we are becoming concerned by the defiance.
Out of interest, does your DS use iPad? I am wondering, even though we keep it short, that this may be impacting our DS behaviour as he is a menace when we put it away, then a different child when playing.

I guess it helps to know we are not alone, and this could just be a phase.

@GlitterballofdreamsSorry for the delay in responding back on my post! Thank you for writing on this and sorry you are going through similar, it’s so hard!

We also wonder if our son is learning this from certain children at school and the fact they are much rougher in play than in nursery! He also goes to after school club 2 days a week (not sure if yours does?) but we think he is seeing behaviour here from the older children and certainly some language he is coming out with!

We don’t use an iPad but we’ve noticed similar sometimes with TV so have tried to reduce this but it’s difficult with all the rainy weather!

We are doing an assessment with a child behaviour specialist to get some support, and have started homeopathy after being recommended this by others (I know this isn’t the route everyone wants to go down but I’m willing to try anything right now!).