Any advice for evening routines\family mealtimes

[AK1107]

Hello,

I have two dd's - 1 year old and 3 year old. I think the time has now come for our 3 year old's bedtime to be moved back to 8pm instead of 7pm. For the past two months we have had nothing but problems in getting her to go to sleep and have tried every trick in the book to get her to go to sleep without any success. She normally seems to finally settle between 8pm and 9pm so this is why we've decided to move her bedtime.

Anyway, I am a bit confused as what is the best thing to do in terms of meal times, etc. At the moment my dd's have their dinner at 4.30pm then it's a joint bath at 6pm, bed for the 1yr old at 6.30pm then bed for the 3yr old at 7pm. This was working really well up until 2 months ago. My dh and I then usually eat anywhere between 8pm and 9pm (depending on what time my dh gets in from work). Now it's about to change I don't what to do. Do I still give my 3 year old dinner at 4.30pm? My DH has said he will try and get in for 7.30pm most nights so I can cook a family meal in the evenings but do you think 30mins before my 3 year old goes to bed is a bit late? Also what about bathtime - shall i now give them seperate baths. Also, does this spell the end of take out meals on a Saturday night?

I just don't want to end up cleaning, cooking and doing the "mummy" thing late into the night. It would be interesting to now how everyone else organises themselves when their little darlings start going to bed later.

Thanks

I think that 7.70pm is too late for a family meal. I would just stick to the 7pm bedtime for a 3 yr old.Read her a story in bed at 7pm and let her look at books on her own until half past and then lights out.Make out she is a 'big girl' to be able to look at books and needs to be a 'big girl' about going to sleep.

Sorry 7.30pm!!

dd (4) and ds (1 1/2) both go up for stories at 7pm. DS goes to bed around 7.15pm and dd gets a bit extra time 1-2-1 time and her light goes off at 7.40pm. They have dinner around 5/5.30pm and that gives it time to settle a bit before bed. I'd say 7.30pm would be far too late for dinner but you could try it as a trial bedtime before deciding to go for a whole hour later than normal. You could move dinner a little later and keep bathtime the same - it would just mean she would have a bit extra playtime/story time before bed.

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do there dinner normal time if my ds goes to bed later he has toast before bed

Are you sure she really needs to move her bedtime by a full hour? Is she napping?

I would not do separate baths at such a young age - you will have years of supervising two baths if you do that. Mine are 7 and 4 and still bath together, although largely unsupervised. 4.30 is very early for food though.

I think in your case I would stick with that mealtime, then the bath and bedtime for your DD2 (seems you are happy with that) and then your DD1 can come back downstairs in pjs for some supper - toast, banana, whatever suits - and quiet play or TV and then back up for teeth, story and bed and you and DH could still eat between 8 and 9 if either he supervised DD1's bedtime or you were organised.

Thanks for your replies. I think I'll try moving her bedtime by half an hour having had your feedback. She normally gets up at around 7.00am so perhaps a whole hour will be too much.

Does she still have a daytime nap? My guess wqould be she's getting too much sleep in the daytime. My DS1 is 5 and is exhausted by his bedtime of 7pm!

Hi there, no she gave up nap a year ago. I suppose the other possibility is that she is over-tired? I've heard that being over-tired can mean that kids end up being wide awake because of all the hormones released to keep them awake. Apparently you then have to wait until they get tired again. Don't know how true that is though. The only time she sleeps in the day is if she is on a long car ride then she is out like a light.

Which suggests that maybe she is tired. FWIW my just 4yo sleeps 7.30-7.

The age gap between my two dds is 3 years rather than 2, but when dd2 was 1 yr old:

Dinner for girls at 5.30, bath for both at 6pm, dd2 milk and bed at 7pm-ish. dd2 would have milk and fruit, maybe bread and butter or a small sandwich if hungry again, during 'her' time between dd2's bedtime and her own at 8pm.

Now that dd2 is 18 months, its a lot easier - they eat later (6-6.30) and dd2 can last until 7.30/7.45, while dd1 goes up at 8pm weeknights and 8.30pm weekends.

I understand where you're coming from re moving her bedtime, we did the same when she was about your dd's age - she was only at pre-school three mornings a week, and just wasn't tired until 8-9pm. Even now, at 4.5, she often sings in her bed until 9pm, putting her to bed early just makes no difference at all (other than frustration).

If you want to eat all together - which we do maybe 4/7 nights - do it at weekends only, maybe? And if it helps to do bath first, do it - just make sure they wear large bibs/napkins at dinner!

And all kids are different re sleep needs - dd hasn't had a daytime nap since she was 2.5, unless ill, and has never slept more than 10.5-11 hours per night. She has quiet time after lunch, but thats it. If she sleeps early, she wakes early, too.

So comparing to others' LOs isn't necessarily useful...I would trust your judgement on how much sleep your dd needs

This was our routine when our DDs were 1 and 3.

For both
5.30pm dinner, help clear the table and tidy away toys.
6.30pm daddy home and storytime
7pm teeth and get dressed for bed
7.30pm into bed, lights out.

Ours don't have a bath every night but when they do it is between dinner and storytime and they have fewer stories (from 6.45 -7pm). This means dh can help me wrestle them out of the bath.

DD1 has just turned 4 and we follow the same routine but she gets to look at books until 8pm (or later if mummy and daddy want a lie in) - so I think AbbeyA's idea is a good one. I also agree with Elibean about not comparing sleep requirements.

I really would recommend you don't put bedtime back too late for your DD1 and defintely don't do separate baths - too much hassle for you (and inc water bill of you are metered). Don't make a rod for your own back by making more work for yourself then finding they won't change to different routine when you find it too much. I'm a great believer in making bedtime as stress free as poss for mummy and daddy - that seems to settle the children better than anything else.

My DS1 is 4 1/2 and DS2 is 1. Basic routine is supper at 5 to 5.30 - depending on my organisation - then upstairs 6ish or just after. DS2 always has a bath, DS1 sometimes (he was v pleased when the doctor said that he did not have to have a bath every night!). If he is not having a bath then he just potters around. We are lucky because it is often able to be both me and DH doing bedtime so both children can get attention. I give DS1 a feed at 6.30/6.45 ish and then he goes down roundabout 7. DS1 has a couple of stories and then settles at about 7.30 or a bit before but will often read in bed for a while - sometimes he is also keen to draw and now I let him because I think he just wants a bit of down time. We go through phases when DS1 just will not settle and then, for a few days, it can be 8.30 ish.

I agree with other people that all families are different but I think it is interesting to see what other people do. Two things that I have noticed - firstly, if DS1 watches TV too near bed time I think it hypes him up and he does not settle very easily - even v mild things like CBeebies. I now try and avoid it after 5. Secondly - they do go through phases and you can be patting yourself on the back one week with how well bedtime is going only to find it is a nightmare then next week! Also you do need to think about yourself. Personally I need that quiet time in the evening and, much as I love spending time with my children, there is a lovely moment of relaxation when I feel they have both gone down for the night.

Sorry - DS2 gets a feed at 6.30 ish - I got confused