4 year old extremely sensitive & anxious

[usernameisx]

I have an amazing 4 year old boy who really struggles with anxiety and who is very sensitive and emotional. Albeit the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, I am the same but for a 4 year old it is way too much for someone so small to deal with.
We are currently waiting for DS to be assessed as I as well as his preschool teacher have concerns. He is confident but always worrying. He doesn't like going to school and struggles socially, he is a little behind socially and his teacher has said the other children find him very full on and void him at times which really upsets me. He doesn't have the best boundaries which we are trying to work on and he hates to share or lose, everything has to be his way. I'm just trying to give a bit of background incase any other parents can relate.
He is extremely smart and way ahead of others his age with his emotions and speech but thats what worries me.
He is constantly thinking and worrying if say for example the other day a woman had lost her dog and he was so upset that she was upset and wondered and asked questions about the dog and woman all day were they ok was the dog back etc..
He cried when I took down the christmas tree, he cries at sad parts of movies, when people like his grandparents have to go home if someone else was sad in school.
He has just completed 12 sessions of play therapy as his teacher recommended it but I don't really see any improvement.

Does anyone have a similar child or does this resonate with anyone. I'm so worried for him starting primary school this year :(

Sorry @usernameisxI don’t have the time to reply at the moment. Hopefully I’ll be back later but in the meantime please do this simple progress checker.

And hopefully this will at least bump for you

Is he being assessed for ASD? It reminds me a bit of DS, very bright but I couldn't read the Thomas the Tank engine book to him with the naughty trucks in because it upset him so much. Anything where someone got in trouble or told off was a no. He wasn't diagnosed until later though when things became more obvious. He's still very clever and working as a software engineer now.

I would wonder about ASD and hyper-empathy. I'm similar, I pick up worms on the pavement and move them because I can't stand the idea of them not being able to get back to the soil. When I was young I used to sit by the pond and worry about insects drowning and scoop them out. I also was very bright and taught myself to read before I started school.

Both DS and I found school ok, mostly because we were both quite academic and that became a bit part of our identities and self esteem. I would encourage your DS academically as much as you can, lots of reading to him, playing games and encourage him to try new things and find what he likes.

I would say empathise with his upset but then get him thinking more positively. 'It's a shame that your grandparents have to leave but haven't you had a lovely time! And we'll be seeing them again at x time so won't that be good. Maybe we could make them a card to say how lovely it was to see them and send it to them?' It might not work straight away but just keep emphasising the positives and be positive yourself.

The biggest thing that helped DS with starting school was that he already knew most of the children in his class. That was a big thing. I would encourage you to have a birthday party for DS doing something he loves as parties are often great ways to build friendships with other children. He might generally though find it much easier 1 to 1 with other kids and so having a friend for tea can really help with social skills and friendships.

@notnow29 I really appreciate you taking the time to reply, thank you. He is currently on a waiting list to be assessed it could be the end of the year before he is called. My gut tells me there is definitely more to all these behaviours and if I were to be completely honest if I was assessed as an adult I'd say I have all the markers for ADHD. Not necessarily attention issues but anxiety, overthinking, over emotional.

Its so lovely to hear your son is doing well, you should be very proud :)

I will be meeting the principal of his primary school in the coming weeks and be sure to make him aware that my DS is awaiting assessment and some of the struggles he has come up against in preschool and at home to hopefully help my DS transition to new school better.

I really like your idea of being more positive around times he is upset. I will definitely be working on that.

As a parent we want to fix everything and protect them from it all but thats impossible so hopefully we will get to the bottom of things after assessment.

Thanks again

@usernameisxit sounds as though it’s time to apply for an EHC assessment. This is the first step in getting him and ECHP which it sounds as though he needs to support him at school.

Did you manage to do the progress checker I linked to and ehat was the result?

Have a look at the SN section on MN too if you can. The MNers in there are usually very supportive and knowledgeable and should be able to help with getting hin that ECHP