I don't want to be near my children at the moment - what am I doing wrong?

[Uphillstruggle]

I am a regular but have name changed for this because I am a little embarrassed with how I am feeling.
I just don't want to be with my dc's ATM, from the minute they get up they are irritating each other, screaming, shouting, throwing things, screaming some more, crying, emptying my cupboards, touching anything they are not allowed to, following me to the loo while screaming/crying. The dc who is old enough to actually talk shouts instead of talks and the other dc who is learning to talk just screams, crys and whines constantly.
I have tried everything I can think of but my children just seem so miserable, why aren't they happy children?? What can I do to change this? I feel like I am near breaking point and can't take anymore, I feel like locking them in the garden and having a cup of tea - in fact if it wasn't fir the fact that they would be screaming and crying and disturbing the neighbours, I might just do that!!
Just needed to get that down somewhere, thanks

Poor you . Why do you think they are so unhappy?

are they bored? getting enough sleep? eating well? my dd1 gets like this when she is bored/hungry/tired

change bed time to half an hour ealier, get some play doh out, make sure they have snacks on offer if they are hungry try an dtake them out at least once a day for some fresh air, even if it is just a quick walk around the neighbourhood.

i have this on occasion with my three year old and two year old (plus 23 weeks preg) and i KNOW how hard it gets! I invested in video player and lots of walt disney vids, they buy me and hour or sos break to catch up with some house work and take a little time to sort myself out, then i will do something creative with them. I think the key is having some structred play in the day...and a LONG walk to tire them out! The garden is a great idea, and if you are feeling that stressed, to hell with the neighbours, have your cup of tea, then take a deep breath and start a fresh ;)

I don't know whether they are actually unhappy!!! It seems to be more of a habit with them - I offer food and get told no and the younger one just pushes it away, younger dc sleeps at 10am until 12pm and they both go to bed at 6:30pm - so are deffo getting enough sleep. And the older dc goes to nursery every morning, so they are not going stir crazy. I am covered in bruises because if I sit down during the day on the sofas, I have both dc's climbing all over me to get the closest, whining at each other as they do it - I try to give each child some me time but we can't because the other has to be there as well - just can't see an end to it all

there WILL be an end to it honestly, its phases they go through. dependng on how young your youngest is, sleeping from 10-12 but then going till 6.30 may mean he or she is really tired, but you will be the best judge of that.

Sorry - I know I am being vague, the youngest is about a year and a half, so I think is probably having enough sleep - if I try to put down for an afternoon nap there is no way that bedtime would be 6:30 and I need bedtime to be at that time to regain my sanity! Am sitting here now looking at the tip that is my house in despair - i am drained and shattered and I know that is probably not helping matters

Posting and running here, cos I'm supposed to be going out to a meeting.

Can YOU get more sleep? I just know that when I feel like this about my kids (and I do sometimes), it's usually because I'm so shattered that every little childish thing they do seems like a personal insult. And I don't have the energy to do anything creative with them, so they get bored, so they bicker, so ......

I'm always amazed how much nicer they seem after I've gone to bed at about 8 o'clock for a few nights to catch up. Don't underestimate how your mood rubs off on them - it's a vicious circle.

I have just had a day like yours, DS2 is also a year and a half - it's a gorgeous age but also really tiring and frustrating.

I have found myself shouting at DS2 loads today because he keeps playing with loo brushes etc. and won't take no for an answer.

Lots of climbing going on here today.

Am quite glad I'm back in work tomorrow - don't think I'd have the patience to deal with this day in day out.

Definitely agree in getting a bit of time to yourself, say when one DC has nap, putting the tv on for the other and sitting down with mn for example...!

Hope you have a better day tomorrow.

I find them worse when I am trying to get sth done or am "emotionally" absent (ie thinking about sth else.)

good luck

I am tired - am averaging about 4/4.5 hrs a night and am probably a bit emotionally absent aswell although I try not to show it....I do know deep down that it will affect them but i don't really want to admit it - I can't seem to see how I can break the cycle. I really wanted to be at home with them but none of us are enjoying that atm - maybe I should start working again? part time? to give myself and them some space .. oh I don't know, I want a house where I can have the windows open and people can here giggles and laughter, not just screaming, crying and me ending up shouting

hear not here

So sorry you feel so down. SLEEP is obviously a huge part of it, my patience (not my strong point at the best of times) is 0 when I am tired (most of this year).

Can I ask why you are sleeping so little if they go to bed so early?

sorry to hear, we have all felt like this. Speak to your partner if he's supportive, maybe he could take them on a big day out one weekend day this week so you have an entire day to yourself to look forward to. will be a treat for everyone and help you cope.

Sophiajane - there is not the option of somebody else taking them for a day to give me a rest. Haventsleptforayear - Just too many things buzzing round in my head which makes sleep almost impossible, sorry again to be vague but am trying not to reveal myself

Ok Sorry.

Sounds like in your heart of hearts you know that this is just a temporary thing linked with your lack of sleep and emotional state.

The only thing I find I can do when I'm like this is get out of the house - meet up with someone, anyone, which will give the kids a change of scene so they won't notice how absent you are and will give you a semi-break.

Again, hope this is only temporary for you.

Work certainly works for me and DH though lol

ok - you have my sympathies - i know this feeling

nursery - is the eldest old enough for a couple of sessions per week?

is there a mate who would have one of them occasionally - or just as a one-off?

work?

[i was feeling much like this in November - i tell you working is a fucking breeze compared to managing two small kids singlehanded]

get firmer about a few things -can't hear shouting etc

and slacker about a few others - don't worry about the state of the house

It sounds like your lack of sleep is the reason things are so hard. I can sympathise very much as I have suffered from insomnia on and off all my life. You are not getting nearly enough sleep, no wonder things are getting on top of you.

What is your bedtime routine?

It sounds like you are really having a hard time

How old are they? 1.5 and 3ish?

All that stuff buzzing around in your head - have you tried writing it all down?

And what is your diet like? Can you compensate for crap sleep by eating well? A tonic like Metatone works wonders for me too.

What do you do when DC2 is sleeping, and DC1 is at nursery? I have found that it actually takes effort to do nothing IYSWIM.

Sorry, am just throwing out random thoughts really

Writing down worries really helps me break the obsessive cyclical thought process that stops me sleeping. No caffeine (at all) helps a lot, though it is grim giving it up. Making sure I go through the same routine every night, avoiding stressful reading/tv and having a bath with lavender oil, keeping a non challenging book to read. Most important for me is making sure I get enough physical exercise, if this does not happen I will sleep badly.

Thanks everyone, I do try to write things down and it does help, but I am a talker and I can't talk to anybody to get it all out in the open (except on here) - this is my mess, my children that are driving me up the wall bless them and it's me that has to try and pull my socks up, sort my head out, try and get some sleep (easier said than done) I have no motivation, the house is still a mess and if people phone for a chat I don't want to talk to them because it is all small talk and I can't tell them how I am really feeling, so I cut them short!... Sorry I can't remember who guessed the ages of my dc's but you are nearly spot on - is it that obvious by their actions? I can't even seem to relax in the bath anymore, it used to be my sanctuary.

I have to say that I was one of those annoying neighbours who let dc's bicker in garden today. Got on with a few jobs, looked out the window and saw them playing happily. Was amazed!
Went and ruined it too by going out to tell them how lovely they were - started moaning at me again!! GRR.
DOn't know what to suggest really, but you do need to get some motivation from somewhere. A kick up the arse usually does the trick for me. Imagine important guests are arriving in a month - could that be a goal to look to...a slightly cleaner/calmer house? Good luck

Uphill, I know exactly how you feel.

Mine are older than yours (7 and 5) and they both go to school now so I get some respite but as soon as they are both out the school gates, it starts. Moaning, fighting, whining, begging for food (snacks), more moaning, more squabbling. Then the next thing I know, they're both snuggled up together on the sofa watching TV or the older one is reading to the younger one, and I feel like a right shit for 'disliking' them both only moments before.

I don't have an answer but I know this much:- getting them out of the house helps. A quick waltz around the park can have an almost magical effect on all of us. I am away from all the stuff I feel I should be doing when we are at home and they are running free.

Of course, what they really want is 100% attention from me - making something, painting something, baking something, playing a game....but real life keeps getting in the way when we are at home. Out of the house, even for a short time, is the closest I can get to giving that part of me that they crave.

Good luck and I really hope things start to look up for you soon.

this thread was started today and seems to contain a lot of good ideas, Uphill.

How organised are you? For me, its the key, but I appreciate its not for everybody.

My environment is really important to me. If there is crap everywhere I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I want to scream.

I have spent a lot of time organising 'things' and at the end of the day I can whizz around sorting the living room ready for my time in the evening.

I often cook dinner in the morning.

If you spend those two hours cooking/tidying, when you pick up DC1 from nursery take them out for a picnic lunch if you can. Come home at tea time, dinner is ready, bath them, put them to bed (they'll be knackered after being out). Your house is tidy, your dinner is ready, all you need is a lovely cold glass of wine and a big pat on the back

Possibly all a bit idealistic, I know. I can only suggest what works for me - and I really want to help!

Stuff the neighbours, put them out in the garden!

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