Nearly 4 year old draining me

TheSnappySquirrel · 2025-12-27T23:05:49+00:00

DD1 turns 4 in March. I love her to pieces, but just recently she's making me feel miserable. She is very strong willed & knows her own mind. DD2 is 4 months and unwell for the 1st time with a horrible cold. I totally understand DD1 is still getting used to life with a new baby sister. I feel drained. I try to do activities with her, though DD2 takes up a lot of my time. DD1 is constantly on the go, doesn't keep still, so loud and battles with everyday tasks such as, getting dressed she wants me to dress her, even though I know she can do it herself. She's been refusing to brush her teeth and this could go on for an hour with tantrums in between. She just wants my attention all of the time. She seems to just want me, not her dad. I thought she was always daddy's girl, but now she will cry and scream if she can't have me there for bed times. I give her options for breakfast and always gets mad at me and says, 'I don't know!!' And the whining... oh the whining! I try to get us out of the house. I don't drive, but most days i just don't want to. I just feel heavy everyday. Does anyone have any tips? Has anyone been through something like this?

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afternoonbiscuit · 28/12/2025 13:06

This sounds like life with my 3yo DS1 at the moment! He has always been very strong willed. Everything is a battle. I feel like I’m constantly telling him not to do things. After a period of being able to watch him less I now have to watch him like a hawk again because he purposefully engages in naughty or risky behaviour. Getting him to nap is a nightmare. The many tantrums are awful. I thought 2 was tough, but 3 so far is much worse!! He is also highly energetic and wants lots of attention. The only good change recently is that he’s allowing “not da mama” (DH) to do more for him ever since his now 8wo sister arrived. It doesn’t help that Christmas brings my parents talking about how easy my sister and I were. They always seem to think that that was down to their parenting skills rather than our docile and cooperative temperaments. DS is neither!

I adore and love him more than anything but… I don’t like or enjoy him very much at the moment, which makes me feel guilty. I don’t have the same energy to play with him or go out like I used to. I also feel very pulled towards the baby, which makes me feel guilty too, but I imagine that’s a biologically normal impulse.

I’m in the thick of it so I can only really commiserate! What has helped me mentally is to remind myself constantly that I would rather have anything my two babes can throw at me (DD is a very fussy baby) than the alternative, which would be not having them. DD came 2 weeks late so the talk switches to stillbirth risk etc at that point and that has made it easier to appreciate her and DS despite all the stress, because I had a stressful few days worrying that something might happen to her. I’ve also spent much of DS’s 3 years looking forward to when he’ll be older and easier, but I’ve found that while certain things get easier others get harder, so I’m trying to switch my focus to the things that are lovely about this age - like his mama-centred world, the sweet babyish voice, all the cuddles and kisses. Those things won’t last forever. Also DH is managing him a lot more now that DD is here - gives me a break!

Original poster

TheSnappySquirrel · 29/12/2025 07:46

afternoonbiscuit · 28/12/2025 13:06

This sounds like life with my 3yo DS1 at the moment! He has always been very strong willed. Everything is a battle. I feel like I’m constantly telling him not to do things. After a period of being able to watch him less I now have to watch him like a hawk again because he purposefully engages in naughty or risky behaviour. Getting him to nap is a nightmare. The many tantrums are awful. I thought 2 was tough, but 3 so far is much worse!! He is also highly energetic and wants lots of attention. The only good change recently is that he’s allowing “not da mama” (DH) to do more for him ever since his now 8wo sister arrived. It doesn’t help that Christmas brings my parents talking about how easy my sister and I were. They always seem to think that that was down to their parenting skills rather than our docile and cooperative temperaments. DS is neither!

I adore and love him more than anything but… I don’t like or enjoy him very much at the moment, which makes me feel guilty. I don’t have the same energy to play with him or go out like I used to. I also feel very pulled towards the baby, which makes me feel guilty too, but I imagine that’s a biologically normal impulse.

I’m in the thick of it so I can only really commiserate! What has helped me mentally is to remind myself constantly that I would rather have anything my two babes can throw at me (DD is a very fussy baby) than the alternative, which would be not having them. DD came 2 weeks late so the talk switches to stillbirth risk etc at that point and that has made it easier to appreciate her and DS despite all the stress, because I had a stressful few days worrying that something might happen to her. I’ve also spent much of DS’s 3 years looking forward to when he’ll be older and easier, but I’ve found that while certain things get easier others get harder, so I’m trying to switch my focus to the things that are lovely about this age - like his mama-centred world, the sweet babyish voice, all the cuddles and kisses. Those things won’t last forever. Also DH is managing him a lot more now that DD is here - gives me a break!

It's so hard isn't it! I will remind myself just like you're doing. It's great that your DH is helping. High energy 3yo I can definitely relate. I hope it gets easier for you as much as I want that for myself. We're doing great even with the mum guilt!

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