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Aggressive 4 year old - is this normal?

1 reply

Louisa30 · 27/12/2025 21:03

I have a 4 (almost 5) year old that has displayed aggressive behaviour and big emotional meltdowns since he was a toddler. I have contacted the health visitor ever since he was 2, who said he should grow out of it and gave advice for techniques to try to help support him but none of these have worked. Now he will try to punch, kick, hit myself, husband and 3 year old brother on a daily basis, not always out of frustration but can just be random - and he doesn’t seem to care that it hurts us.
I know young children struggle to regulate their emotions but this is already very different to my 3 year old who understands this is wrong and explains to us when his brother does this, that he sees it makes us sad.
The health visitor has now suggested we call Early Help to see if they can support us as it’s making us all so unhappy and we really just want to understand and help him. I just wondered if anyone else had a similar situation and had any advice or recommendations from their experience?
Thank you.

OP posts:
SleafordSods · 28/12/2025 07:21

Definitely go through Early Help as it’s often the first stage in getting a referral.

I would also read the book The Explosive Child.

And do this simple progress checker. If it says he needs some support, you’ll need to ask the HV for a hearing test for him and a referral to SaLT.

How does he score on the 5 year social and emotional Ages & Stages?

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