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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I'm losing my mind with 11 month old

63 replies

thisisthelast · 11/06/2008 13:19

OK, I'm back AGAIN! dd2 is nearly 11 months old and her behaviour has ruined our family. I feel so awful for saying that but it's true

DD1 is now very cling and wants more attention, obviously not helped due to dd2 being the most grumpy, whingey baby in the world and taking so much entertaining.

She seems to cry more than most newborns cry! She whimpers on and off all day. She crawls off, finds a toy, whimpers and cries, crawls off, finds another toy, starts to whinge again.

She still will not sit still. Hates her pushchair and carseat. Will not be cuddled. I can't go anywhere and I am really wishing that we had not had her.

I know it sounds terrible. I do love her but I am so unhappy living with such an unhappy child. I dont know how much longer I can do this for.

DP works a lot and I am stuck in doors with 2 children, one of which is so grumpy all the time which makes us all miserable.

Just putting her in her highchair for dinner had her in tears. I can do nothing right. I am so on edge now as she kicks off for no reason.

Everyone said it would get better once she got mobile. Well she's been crawling for 2 months now and is a moody and difficult as ever. She does smile but only with a lot of prompting.

Is there something wrong with her? I am so scared she actually may be mentally ill or something. PLEASE HELP!

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Original poster

thisisthelast · 11/06/2008 15:15

Mmmm she does look at me when I sing to her and she smiles and bops her head like she's dancing! She only wants cuddles if I stand with her so I don't think it's that she doesn't enjoy human contact but that she doesn't want to be rstricted maybe. Could explain the pushchair/ car seat hating.

She interacts ok with her sis, in between whinging. They do play and chatter together but dd2 always ends up in tears.

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Original poster

thisisthelast · 11/06/2008 15:16

Thanks cantsleep. Do I just ask the pharmacist for it cos I've often looked on the shelves for it but can't find anything but soya formula.

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MannyMoeAndJack · 11/06/2008 15:17

The suggestion to take her to a toddler group is a good one - or you could try one of those gym-type groups where your dd would have space to move around, try new things, etc? Or a music group? Do you think she would enjoy anything like that? It would also get you out of the house and mixing for a short while, which would probably benefit all of you!

CantSleepWontSleep · 11/06/2008 15:21

Yes, ask the pharmacist. You want either Nutramigen 2, Pepti-Junior or Neocate. They aren't as nice smelling or tasting as normal formula, just to warn you. I think that Pepti is supposed to be more readily accepted than Nutramigen though.

sophiajane · 11/06/2008 15:22

no reason was was determined with my child and that is quite common. Often just a personality trait - some infants just don't enjoy babyhood but grow into very happy children...once you have ruled out anything physical invest in an ipod and give her lots of hugs. You will come through it xx

clumsymum · 11/06/2008 15:42

I know lots of people will flame me for this but.....

Have you tried a babywalker for her? If she likes being carried about, she wants to be UP, she wants to move about, and she is frustrated that she can't.

It might give you a little peace during the day (provided you don't have a 70's style multi-level house).

direct.tesco.com/q/R.200-9400.aspx

Maybe you can borrow one to try?

Original poster

thisisthelast · 11/06/2008 15:47

Thanks clumsy, I always vowed I would never have a walker but I got one because dd2 was so difficult, she loved it until she could crawl but now she doesn't seem that interested. She tends to whinge in the walker as much as she would anywhere else

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3madboys · 11/06/2008 15:54

i would second what cantsleep says, maybe think about looking at her diet, keeping a diary and see if you can pinpoint days when she is worse/better than others.

ds3 was the same in that he wanted to be held but i couldnt ever sit down, i had to be stood up and swaying/moving or else he was miserable, i actually got friends to come round and hold him just so i could get things done. he is now 3 and a lovely little boy, it did get easier, but i think it was soooooo gradual that i almost didnt notice iyswim? but cutting milk out of my diet ( hewas bfed) and making sure he didnt have any dairy till over 18mths (even now he has VERY little) did make a difference

good luck and keep up the good work, you are doing so well, its exhausting but it does get better.

what is she like in the bath btw? i sometimes found that ds3 would sit happily in the bath.

clumsymum · 11/06/2008 15:55

oh bum

sophiajane · 11/06/2008 16:22

Please also call CRYSIS they were such a help to me. You could end up with a lot of red herrings over -examining her diet and end up even more stressed.

neeka · 11/06/2008 16:26

my 7mth dd is exactly the same. I'd hoped crawling would occupy her a bit and stop the terminal moaning. I hate work but it wouldn't take much persuading for me to go just to have a break!!

neeka · 11/06/2008 16:26

my 7mth dd is exactly the same. I'd hoped crawling would occupy her a bit and stop the terminal moaning. I hate work but it wouldn't take much persuading for me to go just to have a break!!

only1malteaser · 11/06/2008 16:31

My friends baby was like this, took him for cranial oesteopathy, couldn't meet a happier baby now. I don't know much about it but maybe worth looking up

Lazycow · 11/06/2008 16:44

Ds was just like this. He has also gradually got better (now 3.5 yrs old) but I have to say he is still pretty high maintenance, determined and prone to whinging/screaming at the least provocation.

On the plus side, he was so uncuddly as a baby that it was unreal yet now he is the most cuddly loving child and almost never turns down the offer of a kiss/cuddle. He will even sometimes agree to a cuddle when he is tantrumming (not always though).

I really wish I could help but at least you know it probably isn't what you already have one. Ds is an only and I spend my life watching those with other children who seem so much easier and start blaming my parenting.

MannyMoeAndJack · 11/06/2008 17:19

Please let me add that difficult/high-maintenance/whingey/distractible/etc, babies or toddlers are very, very rarely so behaved because of the way they have been parented.

Please do not blame yourself - you are not to blame, I cannot stress that enough.

Original poster

thisisthelast · 11/06/2008 17:33

Thank you manny, it's hard not to blame myself but dd1 was a lovely baby. Bit of a boistrous toddler but an amazing child overall! I just can't help but doubt myself now though and worry that dd2 will always be this way

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MannyMoeAndJack · 11/06/2008 17:51

Siblings are rarely the same!

Give dd2 some more time and keep on encouraging her in the same way that you do now. A parent responds to a child's personality rather than provoking the child into being a certain way.

Meandmyjoe · 12/06/2008 20:08

Ahh, thisisthelast, we meet again . Sorry things are still so hard. Sending you lots of sympathy. Sounds very similar to my little boy. He is 10 months old now and can have lovely days (like today) but also demon days (like yesterday!). He still whinges a hell of a lot and protests to the buggy/ carseat but seems a little bit happier to be mobile. He has been crawling for a few weeks but is still perfecting it which seems to be frustrating him that it takes him so much effort to get around! He also seems to want to stand a lot now and is pulling up on funiture all the time so he also gets cross that he can't walk . There seems to be no pleasing some babies!

Do you think she could still be frustrated as she can't communicate properly. Perhaps she is eagre to walk and angry that she can't. It's so tough worrying what's wrong with them all the time and being worried to go out incase the y meltdown in public. I do know what you are going through but it will pass.

I really think if she does smile occassionally and is able to engage in things then she is unlikely to have any developmental problems. Talk to your HV or GP though if you are really worried. I still have worries about my ds not being a smiley, happy chap but I just think he is not happy not being able to communicate and make sense of things.

I hope things get easier soon.

StarlightMcKenzie · 12/06/2008 20:11

This reply has been deleted

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Elibean · 12/06/2008 20:15

I think crying or whingeing can so often be a sign of discomfort...I would seriously look into the intolerance thing, and try and get her re-assessed for reflux too.

My dd2 has reflux (she's 18 months now) and is on meds, so is fine - she's an adorable, affectionate, funny little soul but when she's in pain she's an exhausting nightmare: showing me, IMO, that she's experiencing life as an exhausting nightmare. IYSWIM.

If your GP doesn't listen, ask for a second opinion and make as much noise about it as you like - I don't think babies moan for nothing.

And you deserve the support, as does she!

fizzbuzz · 12/06/2008 21:34

my dd was a bit like this at 10mo. Hated carseat, pram and cuddles. Would only sit in her pram if it was moving. Even if you stopped to cross the road she would start. Remember having to wait for 20 mins in a chemist. She screamed through all of them....

She is now nearly 2, and is very cuddly..still hates her pram though (and reins). Car seat is sort of neutral (ish) ground

She just hates been restriceted..pulls off coats, won't wear gloves etc

hth

fizzbuzz · 12/06/2008 21:35

...being restricted....

hayley2u · 12/06/2008 21:59

does she get enough sleep thisisthelast? really feel sorry for you. when my dd was like that it caused our house to be so tense so man arguments

CaptainKarvol · 12/06/2008 22:11

DS not unlike this. Have you got a sling? I found an Ergo back carrier (I wore DS for about 4 hours / day) helped, plus he seems to have a prob with lactose / milk so I second those who have said it may be discomfort.

But (sorry) I do think a lot of it is just personality.

e.g. DS now 2.3 and, while not whingy any more, VERY hard work and needing near constant attention. Is only since he turned 2 that I can leave him alone in a room for (literally) a minute without him having a melt down and coming screaming and crying to find me. Still does not sleep through the night. So I utterly sympathise with the feelings of burn out and exhaustion. I guess all this amounts to 'it's not your fault'.

Original poster

thisisthelast · 12/06/2008 22:32

Thanks for your kind words everyone. I think she does get enough sleep. She sleeps for 10-11 hours at night (only started sleeping through about 2 months ago!) she also has a 1hr and 30 min nap in the morning and an hour in the afternoon so I don't think she's tired.

I think you could be right Captain, I think it is just her personality . She can be adorable though, but just in very short stints between the whinging!

Fizzbuzz, sounds very similar to my dd. She hates being restrained. Just putting her arms into a jacket or cardigan makes her scream. Even when she was tiny, she hated the pram or car to stop moving. Has to be on the go all the time which is so exhausting.

Me and dp do seem to have been getting down about it hayley, I think we just expected and hoped things would have calmed down a bit now, especially with her crawling but nothing seems ro have improved (except her sleep, thank God!)

Meandmyjoe, our babies have always been very similar haven't they?! Glad you now have good days. Its all very hard work isn't it?

Anyway, thanks for the suggestions all, I am going to the pharmacy tomorrow to pick up some pepti jr formula just incase that is contributing to her grottiness. I'll let you know in a few weeks if there has been any change.

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