Does my toddler have ADHD

[Landgirl91]

Okay so, I'll caveat this with I have ZERO experience with toddlers or young children. I'm doing this all completely blind and giving it my absolute all, so please afford me some grace.

My baby boy is almost 20 months. He cried non-stop for the first 6 months of his life and then we had a little break through and he became a very happy, bubbly older baby. He slept in my arms for every nap until 1 year. He is our absolute world. He has always been very energetic and we find lots of opportunities to get him running around. He is screen-free. In the last few weeks I've started to worry about him...

• he seems much more 'wild' than others his age. Other kids come out of nursery and tolerate being held by their parents. Ours will bolt straight across the playground.
• he has low frustration toleration. Won't have his coat on, won't go in his pram most days. He gets frustrated with activities very easily and ditches them.
• He's struggling more to sit still and read a book with me.
• he has started biting his dad playfully (not aggressively) when over excited, which we are addressing.
• it's always been challenging to take him to restaurants/events, even though we take a huge bag of engaging toys.
• he will never just walk along with us when out and about. He will sit down or roll around on the floor, dart into other people and refuse to go in the direction we need to. We've had to get him reins because it's just really really dangerous.
• We literally have to hold him down for any kind of essential personal care as he is so strong and wild and won't tolerate any of it.

He goes to nursery 3 days a week. They have reported no issues and they are very fond of him but do mention he's very 'energetic'. On the flip side:

• He sleeps very well (6pm -6am) and naps well too.
• his language is very advanced and he can show good social skills towards other children like sharing and talking turns.
• He is loving and kind and hilariously funny.

I'm currently writing this after a particularly exhausting day where everything has been a battle I quite frankly feel like crying.

Is this normal toddler stuff and am I just totally overwhelmed?

Sounds absolutely normal for a boy. Mines the same and he’s just turned 4. Total opposite to my 7 year old girl

@Landgirl91 at this point he sounds like quite a typical high energy toddler to me. It could be from what you've said that he's very bright and maybe gets a bit more frustrated than others when his other skills don't quite keep up with his brain! And maybe very strong willed so inclined to push boundaries. Much too early to say more than that at this point imo.

I could have written this. I'm following with interest as my little boy is almost 4 and definitely struggles with the nursery environment- disruptive at circle time (but fine with 1:1 stories), always acting 'silly' and trying to make the others laugh, but just comes across as immature. Like your little boy he is very articulate and even advanced in his language/ numbers etc. He's physically very able. Emotionally very aware and I'd say a but self conscious.

I think time will tell... I expect starting school will be the real eye opener. They're still so young, so hopefully it's within the range of 'normal' for their age. my instinct says ADHD...I have the health visitor coming out in the new year for a bit of a chat as he is my first and I don't know what the norm is! I just want to get ahead of it and help him as best I can.

I feel exactly the same! I'm not 'worried' about the potential diagnosis, I just want to be parenting him in the way that gives him the best possible start.
I also suspect, there's no way of really knowing untill primary school. Wishing you all the best.

I do really hope so. I'm very conscious the world is a very unkind place for children who cannot conform to it's traditional standards. I do also sometimes question whether I am 'enough' to parent a child with very high and specific needs.

Has the HV asked you to complete any assessments before her visit?

I agree that from what you've described, it's hard to tell if he's just a high energy, high intensity toddler or if there's something more.

Practically, do you do 'toddler's choice'? We micromanage small children to an incredible extent (often for absolutely essential reasons!), so giving them choice and agency where you can works very well for some toddlers. Apple or pear, red shirt or blue shirt? Coat first or shoes first? I once offered 'shirt on sitting down or standing up?' to the child for whom this worked. The other child knew that 'red shirt or blue shirt' was an artificially limited choice and did not know that too many choices were supposed to overwhelm her. She did much better with her clothes in baskets on low shelves and simply being told 'pick a shirt, please'. Tossing half a dozen shirts back in a basket is a lot faster than wrestling a toddler who doesn't want to get dressed.

Instead of the pram or walking, this is going to sound mad, but try a three-wheeled scooter with him wearing a little rucksack. It's a much more exciting way to travel, and if you hold onto the rucksack, you can retain good control (and push him when he's tired). I could hold both straps in one hand at DD2's upper back and push, brake, and steer a bit (more serious steering, I had to bend down and use the handlebars). We had one of the rucksacks with a rein at the bottom, so I could have that in my hand as a backup, and there was a strict no rucksack, no scooter policy (also no helmet, no scooter).