Heartbroken for my 6 year old daughter and so tired!

[Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox]

Hi everyone, urgently needing some advice 😔 please don’t judge, I am trying everything
To help my girl 😔

My daughter is 6 years old and we are suspecting ADHD or mild autism. She has always been an AMAZING sleeper, an extremely kind and caring beautiful little girl and very clever- and she still is all of those things however- In the past 4 weeks, all of a sudden bedtime is HELL. Even with extreme patience, reduced screen time, special one on one time, trying some strategies- bedtime consists of 4-5 hour meltdowns and nothing we try to do seems to help! Even just a big cuddle and no words- nothing helps. Friends and family have tried to help (ones she really trusts!) but nothing…she trashes her room and destroys everything and cannot snap out of this red mist she is in, it’s so heartbreaking to see. She tells us she ‘deserves to die’ and wants to do things to herself to end her life and it’s absolutely awful. (To put it out there we don’t allow YouTube and monitor what she watches). She says she hates herself and she doesn’t want to go to sleep as she’s ’scared’ but cannot put a reason behind it. She has NEVER been like this before.

We are both working parents, have our 2 girlies and are also expecting a third! We want quality time with the girls and with eachother but we don’t even have time to eat dinner these days as parents as the rages go on for so long. (The girls are fed of course!)

We suspect something has triggered her but she just refuses to tell us 😢 has anyone been through anything similar and can give me any tips? I’ve spoken to the school and GP and been waiting 7 months for childrens mental health referral and I’m hearing nothing! I am so so worried about her, I’m losing my mind.

Thankyou- a broke and very tired Mum 😢

I’m sorry that you’re struggling so much. You say this has been going on for 4 weeks but you’ve been waiting 7 months for a MH referral. So what was going on before the last month?

Hey. We have had outbursts and rages sporadically before this however never to this extreme and it has progressively gotten worse. I have tried to deal with the situation myself and help as much as I can but it has progressed and not got better at all. I have noticed slight traits in her which led me to believe she may be neurodiverse (I am ADHD) but again nothing majorly concerning or extreme. X

Ok so if you have ADHD it’s likely she had too. I think if one DParent has it then each DC have around a 70-80% chance of inheriting the little anomaly.

The timing of the bedroom trashing coukd be something going on at School. This year is probably more demanding for her, both academically and socially. DC are often tired at this stage in the Autumn Term and for a DC with ADHD the tiredness and overwhelm will be intensified.

Does she have an ECHP yet @Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox? Is she getting any support at School and how does she score on this simple progress checker?

As for bedtime, do you want to tell us a bit more about bedtime currently? What’s expected from you and what she wants?

Ok so if you have ADHD it’s likely she had too. I think if one DParent has it then each DC have around a 70-80% chance of inheriting the little anomaly.

The timing of the bedroom trashing coukd be something going on at School. This year is probably more demanding for her, both academically and socially. DC are often tired at this stage in the Autumn Term and for a DC with ADHD the tiredness and overwhelm will be intensified.

Does she have an ECHP yet @Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox? Is she getting any support at School and how does she score on this simple progress checker?

As for bedtime, do you want to tell us a bit more about bedtime currently? What’s expected from you and what she wants?

Ok so if you have ADHD it’s likely she had too. I think if one DParent has it then each DC have around a 70-80% chance of inheriting the little anomaly.

The timing of the bedroom trashing coukd be something going on at School. This year is probably more demanding for her, both academically and socially. DC are often tired at this stage in the Autumn Term and for a DC with ADHD the tiredness and overwhelm will be intensified.

Does she have an ECHP yet @Xoxoxoxoxoxoxox? Is she getting any support at School and how does she score on this simple progress checker?

As for bedtime, do you want to tell us a bit more about bedtime currently? What’s expected from you and what she wants?

No idea what that has posted twice sorry? I haven’t done anything different 🤷‍♀️

Obviously you want to get to the bottom of what's causing it, but in the short term, I would focus on changing up the bedtime routine to break the cycle. At what point in the routine does the meltdown start? Is she managing bath/teeth/toilet, but the actual going to bed part is a problem, or is it earlier?

If it's the going to bed part, I would throw the rule book out the window and try falling asleep on the sofa listening to stories, an audiobook, or even watching something mellow and seasonal like The Snowman. She's small enough you can hopefully carry her to bed once she's asleep.

If it's earlier in the routine, I'd try to think outside of the box as much as possible. If she gets into a t-shirt and leggings after school, does it matter if she sleeps in them? Bath/shower then as well, maybe?

Once she's had a few days/a week (maybe more, you know your child) where this giant bedtime thing isn't looming over her, raising everyone's stress levels to the sky, then I would try a little careful questioning around the topic. Drawing can sometimes be useful for expressing things they don't quite have the words for – she could potentially draw her emotions or draw what she's scared of.