DS 11 & DD 8 How to I 'encourage' them to help out around the house?

[porkypoo]

I have considered banning the TV etc. But wanted some positive things to try. They have not had any pocket money for 3 weeks as they haven't improved. But this hasn't made any difference.

I just don't want to keep naggin all the time. Feelin taken for granted

do a chart and stick it on the fridge

agree with them which they will do

say if they do a good week they will get their pocket money back?

my recent parenting class had one core message:
to keep saying "what shall we do about this?".

I have tried it with mine who are a bit younger and it works very well. I present them with the problem and we discuss solutions. They then feel some ownership of the problem and whatever suggestions they come up with.

Good luck!

Catch them doing something helpful and thank them profusely?

Tell them you are so glad they are nice children that take their dishes out (not like some horrible children you read about on mumsnet that just let their mum do all the work). This works for me as a teacher in secondary school - sort of projecting how you WANT them to be.

Do you have a partner/grandparent who could also big them up when they are lovely (and say how nice it is when mum doesn't have to do all the work)?

This is what we do with dd1 and dd2 (aged 11 and 9).

They get 50p pocket money per week. For that, they are expected to keep their bedrooms tidy, make their beds and put their clean clothes away.

In addition, they can earn 10p per job round the house - flat rate, no arguing! Eg - unloading the washing machine, putting the washing out/bringing in, clearing or setting the table, tidying away the little ones' toys, washing up, vaccuuming, etc etc.

Mostly they will offer to help but sometimes I say "I need you to do this for me now".

We have a whiteboard in the kitchen with a running total on, and the amount they have earned that week gets transferred to their account. They love adding on their money and it becomes a competition to see who can earn the most

The sanction is that they lose their 50p basic if they don't do their expected bedroom jobs. Also dd2 has been threatened with not going to Brownies if she doesn't buck her ideas up (she is very messy).

Works well in our house!

Be specific about what exactly you want them to do btw - eg 'that's great when you tidy up living room at end of day' rather than gosh, you're so messy.

Don't encourage, instruct - and reward.

But ensure you build it up gradually.

Start off by making them look after their own things - tidy rooms, tidy bathroom (if they have their own). Then move them on to hoovering/dusting/cleaning their own spaces.

Then move on to ironing.

I just keep telling. Sometimes it comes out as nagging, but most of the time, I see it as firm telling.

The thing is to get certain jobs established as routines. I don't ask much of my children but eg drying the dishes after Sunday lunch is becoming established as something one or two of them will be asked to do. Once this expectation is established, there is less grumbling I find.

I also get 2 of them doing the job together if possible and, if one slacks, I ask them if they want me to send the other away so they can do the job on their own. That usually works too.

Mean, aren't I?

dont ecourage.

tell them.

no choice.

or two choices in my house. pick it up or it goes in the bin/vacumn

funny how quickly they move their butts when the vacumn comes out

[evil cackle]

Like some above, ,ine earn their pocket money by doing their own rooms. I also ask them to do some things as necnessary - can you do a job to help me... (eg lay the table, put stuff in the recycling, etc) just to be helpful - they are pretty good about the odd job.
I also moan loudly about the fact that I HATE housework and that I am not just there to do it all (mostly aimed at DH, but falls on deaf ears) then they feel sorry for me and offer to do stuff to help!

Does anyone else find that the bloomin telly goes on at every given opportunity? I think i may block channels today!!!

lol i'm mean the tv doesnt go on if jobs arent done.
ds has to clean his room (to my standards not his) each day and do homework before tv is allowed on