12 year old behaviour - normal or should I worry?

[MidnightSurvivor]

My daughter started secondary school September just gone, and ever since her behaviour has been so intense, and I just wonder if this is normal?

She has gone from loving primary school, and loving her little group of friends, to absolutely hating secondary school. Most days start with massive meltdowns, being horrible to her little brother, refusing to get dressed screaming that she hates school, throwing things around and just generally behaving in a manner that suggests shes lashing out. Bedtimes are similar, she doesnt want to go to bed, doesnt want to get PJs on or brush teeth, she will be horrible to her brother and horrible to us for making her get ready for bed.

I recently reached out to our GP for some therapy for her but we were turned down. She says things like she doesnt know why we had her because she hates her life. This is all really worrying me, I just dont know if this is a normal teen/preteen phase or if she is seriously in mental distres? We have had chats with the school and trying to get to the bottom of it all, but the school can only do so much.

My daughter is in the same school year as yours and I honestly could have written this myself. All emotions seem very intense, she will melt down over the slightest inconvenience.

My DD is also a lot nastier to her younger brother now (8) and sometimes even her little sister (2). As frustrating as it can be I can’t help but think it’s the age, lots of hormones running riot etc.

For me personally my DD is now exposed to so much more than she was previously, I also think now having a mobile has impacted her behaviour in a negative manner.

Sorry no advice but know you aren’t alone 🥰

How is she coping with friendships @MidnightSurvivor? I found there was a lot of movement in the friendship groups on the first year especially with my 2.

Similar story here and I don't know whether it's normal either but we are in a similar boat. My DD seemed to transition really quite well to high school and seemed to enjoy it. Made a few (not many but a few friends including a new best friend). All started going wrong last week of year 7 when she fell out permanently with her BF. Since then she's been a total nightmare. She's back at school and made a new friend but it's like she's a different person. She's angry all the time, and I mean ALL the time. Says she hates her life, doesn't seem to enjoy any aspect of it. Has stopped trying, won't do homework, won't do anything she previously loved like clubs etc. says she's been pretending to be happy for us her parents but was really miserable her whole life. She doesn't really seem to make friends, I think partly because she's angry and unapproachable all the time and just looks miserable and sad. All she wants to do is be on various screens. Won't go to bed even though phone off by that time. Is like I don't even recognise her. I've been wondering if she needs therapy or something too. I can't really offer any advice just to let you know that you're not alone and will be watching the thread as well to see if others think these massive changes in personality seemingly overnight are normal.

It's all very worrying isn't it? I look around at other parents and other kids and I know you never really know what's going on in others lives, but they all "look" fine and "seem" happy and lovely and completely delightful compared to what I am dealing with. 😕 But you are not alone. Let me know if you figure it out because my DD verbally abuses me if I ever express concern or ask her if she is ok? I feel like I am in some sort of abusive relationship most of the time! I was certainly never like this myself as a teen so am totally confused and lost and wondering where my happy child went.